i think angels surround ya

''i wasted those years'' who cares. you lived the only life you could've lived in those moments

You did the best you could with all you had and knew. That was then. Here is now

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth

wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

if I was a trump staffer I'd be showing him realistic AI generated videos of Frankenstein beating people up

Mister President it happened again. You have to help them. Please you have to help america.

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

bro lemme show u how sex REALLY works *picks up large rock from forest ground*

*starts fucking the bugs and worms*

You have to watch the dosage.

You have to watch the dosage.