Who are you and what are you doing here?

Falsesymmetry: Ah, perfectionists. You poor lot are masters at getting stuck in the "wanting things to be perfect vs knowing you don't have enough skill to make it perfect" loop which leads you into doing nothing and then developing depression.

Geminitay: Out of every hermit fanbase, Gem mains are the ones I believe most when they say they'd kill and die for their hermit. Like everyone else you can just go "haha funny! I am also a fan of hyperbolic humour" but with Gemboys you're not quite sure if bestie is joking or admitting to premeditated assault.

Grian: I get the feeling that you are the type of person who, when asked what you want to eat, will say "I'm fine with anything!" but you'll get genuinely frustrated if they pick something you didn't want.

GoodtimeswithScar: You guys are the embodiment of the bed of nails vs one nail phenomenon. The most traumatic thing could happen to you and you're like "eh" but if a stranger called you mid you would start sobbing.

Hypnotizd: WHERE ARE YOU?! What kind of dark, hidden discord servers do you people hide in??? Hypno mains are like the goddamn Higgs-Boson, finding evidence of one existing in public is damn near impossible but you MUST EXIST or there would be a fundamental error in the fabric of the universe. I can't even poke fun at you because I CANNOT FIND YOU.

iJevin: I'm guessing Vulture Culture is very important to you. If it's not, it's only a matter of time until it will be.

ImpulseSV: You, like him, are a cavalcade of undiagnosed mental disorders that you don't feel like getting treated. Really, the only difference between you and him is the fact that you are a lesbian.

Joe Hills: Your right-wing older relatives call you a woke leftist and your cousins call you a weirdo. What no one will call you is a maladaptive daydreamer because you've at least got the sense to keep that to yourself at family reunions.

Keralis: *sigh* Daddy kink. And that's all the descriptive words you deserve because you are neither slick nor subtle with it.

MumboJumbo: He is babygirl. You want to be babygirl. You are not babygirl. You're sitting on your throne of bones and this man is the bunny you pet while you watch the heroes lose to you in children's card games.

PearlescentMoon: Hello art kids! Specifically, art kids who could not have a normal student-teacher relationship with art teachers. There was at least one art teacher in your life who either adored you or hated your guts and which one you got completely depended on how neurodivergent YOU were and how neurodivergent THEY were. (This includes all forms of art)

Rendog: People who are most likely to be turned into bangmaids by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Look, it's completely okay that you like your partners a little bit cringe and pathetic and dumb, but remember that weaponized incompetence is not sexy!

Skizzleman: You have daddy issues, or you have intimacy issues. You could even have both. Whatever you have, you NEED to seek therapy because he cannot fix you.

Smallishbeans (Joel): You're the type of person who's kinda obsessed with the idea of biting people as a show of affection. Which is unfortunate because associating that behavior with a brunette British man historically hasn't ended well.

TangoTek: Oh my god, PICK A STRUGGLE. Are you addicted to having 500 problems at once and 65% of them are self-inflicted? I can't think of any other reason you'd do these things to yourself because it's not like you ENJOY this, you meet every single battle with the disposition of a SOAKED CAT.

VintageBeef: I know you'd lose ALL self-respect if you met a man (or woman) like Beef in a bar or club. Like, biblical levels of self-disrespect. You'd lose all morals, all convictions, everything you've ever known about the world and yourself, just for a chance. I don't know if it's admirable or really, really sad.

Welsknight: Oof, how's that religious trauma treating you? If you were brought up in a non-religious environment, swap this out with that emptiness you feel when you realize you will never be able to truly convince yourself to believe in any faith, even if you want to.

xBCrafted: Hey diva, how's your mid-to-late 20s going? Still having a crisis over being able to drink fewer and fewer glasses of wine without feeling like death in the morning? Oh, you're not in your mid-to-late 20s? Damn, you've probably been called an old soul your entire life, and I'm not sure you've realized yet that it's not a good thing.

Xisumavoid: It's hard to pick on you guys because you already have it hard enough, so let me give you some advice instead. DO NOT DATE THAT TRADWIFE/TATER TOT YOU'RE CHECKING OUT. I know the temptation is there but YOU CANNOT FIX THEM. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.

Zedaph: You could not explain your gender identity to your cishet family members if you tried. Honestly, you couldn't explain it to your fellow gays either. You have ascended to gender beyond most people's imagination.

ZombieCleo: You have a thing for authority, don't you? You want nothing more than for a person higher up the food chain to tell you straight up what to do at all times so you don't have to navigate the minefield that is small talk with people you don't know.