The Facts Were These

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

just like cop shows love engineering scenarios where they can go damn we would have caught the serial puppy killer by now if only police had even more money and power, doctor shows love engineering scenarios where they can go damn we would have solved every problem with this patient's body by now if only patients weren't so pigheaded and lazy and entitled and dishonest

Sometimes little pleasures in life are loadbearing. Whenever someone is like "If you'd just give up tea and coffee and sugar and--" im like I'll stop you right there. Because if you finish that sentence i am going to kill everyone in this building and then myself. If i have to face the horrors of the world without my little jar of caramel flavoured instant coffee i am going to go full American Psycho. Believe it or not, my main priority in life is not to have perfect teeth or be an Olympic athlete or look like a supermodel, but to actually enjoy living, because I spent far too long not doing that and it royally sucked. And boy, some people don't like hearing that. Particularly dentists

this one is for all my babygirls. i see your comments ladies, and they make me smile. im lurking and im stalking when you least expect it but lately i've just been taking care of my business and getting my grind on. but i promise you i will get back to play and get my flirt on.

randys one of those crusty white dogs on an spca commercial that was abandoned and found after getting attacked by a wild animal (call 1800 668668 to donate to little randy for a life saving emergency surgery) and bensons the coyote that attacked him

the psychotherapist who wrote a piece for GQ about how half man takes place in a jungian dream space is basically identifying the same aesthetic quality that me and my friends did when we were like "this show takes place in Yaoi World" he's simply coming to the subject matter from a different intellectual tradition

I think perhaps the only way in which queer people have achieved true parity with straight people is that queer romantasy is just as bad.

You should be able to sort by controversial on ao3

i think the entire vegas golden knights team belongs in prison. (remembers i dont believe in incarceration as a solution for anything) we should restructure society so that the vegas golden knights cannot exist within it

Me, pointing to the mirror: Do NOT become The Joker about this. This isn’t even a Condiment King situation.