take me to the @distantass - Tumblr Blog

I spent wayyyyyyyy too much time on this

original post: https://www.tumblr.com/hellkitepriest/747135490195619840/my-favourite-band-everything-everything

#send help #I've been flat out on this today #learned a lot #mainly that getting hair to work on a seal is nigh impossible but it was NECESSARY!!!!#anyway #I'm gonna go get a nice refreshing can of beer because it is saturday night and I deserve one #we made it two weeks before getting into furry art I'm very proud #also if you recognise my artstyle. no you don't #I tried to make it a bit different but I only have one muscle memory so

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thewanderingspaceman-deactivate

segamascott

powerburial

#TAMARIND JARRITOS ON MY DASH HELLO BABY I MISS YOU #I say this like I don't have multiple bottles of it less than a metre from me but LISTEN #I have to CONSERVE IT #I cannot freely drink it when I wish until someone starts selling them here and I don't have to manually cart them over from the states

parasitoidism

The celebrity Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavors being some of the best ones is like the retail equivalent of having to go to a restaurant and order a rootin tootin yeehaw cowboy burger or something

parasitoidism

The Tonight Dough is a downright hedonistic ice cream flavor concept but in order to obtain it you have to purchase a pint of ice cream with Jimmy Fallon's face on it and then see him in your freezer every day for a week

underestimated-heroine

wifegideonnav

why are there so many tonight dough posts

spirulin4

honestly like in all truth and sincerity

#oh god no don't do this to me I've still not bought fish for my Winter Cravings yet #I'm putting it off til we go to a shop with an actual selection #god I would fucking devour a live salmon rn

phantomrose96

The lack of agreement across brands on what “extra firm tofu” is is, in fact, very high on my list of unimportant problems.

phantomrose96

Several years back “extra firm” still had high water content and needed to be diligently pressed and pan fried with care if you wanted to achieve crispy.

And then I guess tofu had a moment and brands got scared of losing people to trial-and-error and started manufacturing extra-firm tofu you could use to break a window and escape a house fire with.

And the more Americanized brands went that direction while the traditional brands said “no that’s fucking stupid we’re not changing anything” and SOME brands said “what if we do like the middle of that?”

Buying tofu is now in fact a vibe-check game of assessing a brand’s packaging and gauging what YOU think they mean by “extra firm”

phantomrose96

It’s actually worse in fact because you need to play the vibe-check game twice on account of the recipe will inevitably call for some kind of “extra firm” and you need to know ITS vibes.

Asking you to grate the tofu on a cheese grater and bake it? Westernized. You want that red brick tofu. You want Whole Foods amount of extra firm or SUPER firm because if that thing has any amount of moisture left in it it’ll disintegrate like Tubby Custard on the grater.

Tofu scrambled eggs? You want the OG extra firm. You want it to hold its form but still have that softness and give unless your goal is to imitate sad dining hall scrambled eggs.

Many such difficulties in today’s tofu landscape

gudamor

They should be printing the tofu's mechanical properties like it's a structural material.

Packaging should have one of these

phantomrose96

#my trick for checking tofu firmness on the packaging is to look at the kj per 100g#more kj per 100g = less water content #if one tofu has 300kj per 100g and one tofu has 500kj per 100g then I know which one's gonna be wetter and softer (via @demiurgenesis)

Hello??

Hello!!!???

Shaking your hand shaking your hand shaking your hand???????

These are the random extra/super firm tofus in my fridge and the labels are based on my own experience with them. Completely in alignment with this trick hello????????????

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longhorned

osama bin laden abuse you

#oh my god

karrakazz

if anyone else is also experiencing a 70s/80s sword-and-sorcery moment i really really encourage you to read the birthgrave by tanith lee. conan the barbarian for weird girls. i ordered my copy off thriftbooks but its also available on internet archive. its vivid and bizarre and understands religion and belief in a way that was complex enough to surprise me, the cyclical plot feels deeply purposeful, and it contains a lot of descriptions of really good outfits. if you can handle a few really fucked up scenes please try it

karrakazz

the nameless protagonist of the birthgrave IS an elric. for what its worth

#ooohhhhh shit this sounds right up my alleyyyy

twocubes

what if you combined a pressure cooker and a deep fryer and made a pressure fryer, the most dangerous kitchen implement in history

baedlyweathered

does this imply you want to heat cooking oil to past its boiling point at one atmosphere

iatrophilosophos

Its real and its called a broaster.

garaged0g

*grabs america by the shoulders* we have got to lock the fuck in. south asia and the middle east are running goddamn circles around us. we have got to come up with a more dangerous way of cooking food now or we can kiss these quarter finals goodbye

asteroidtroglodyte

Bold of you to assume we ain’t been doing that

danielwaldorf

Speef is real to me. I'm sorry for that.

cipheramnesia

I have the vision to appreciate Speef

backupstardust

flairina

none prologue with left speef

official-lucifers-child

Wiggle

c4pyb4ra

it did not work, but i can help

big wiggle

bonersniper

might-be-somebody

the only super long Tumblr post I love

pillarofawesome

It's back. Classic.

i-say-ok

ok!

yeahokayillreblogthat

yeah okay, ill reblog that :)

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thememedaddy

ebrithilbowser

@useless-germanyfacts

yesornopolls

Is your sibling (or one of your siblings) noticeably taller/shorter than you?

Yes

No

See results

Voting ended onFeb 22

#currently yes but that's bc they're children #I fear when they're fully grown I will most likely be the short one

urdeadbestfriend

indeed.com/careers/taskmaster-intimacy-coordinator

keepthedelta

possibly the best ever piece of american sports journalism

#oh my god

andmaybegayer

I think so much about the food people ate pre-Columbian exchange. Huge parts of cuisine extremely important on both sides of the pond just didn't exist.

You've probably heard a little about what was brought over from the New World, corn, potatoes, cocoa, cassava, peanuts, chili peppers, avocadoes, cranberries, pumpkins, and the like. Imagine cooking without chili! Without potatoes! Modern Indian cuisine contains enormous amounts of potatoes and we just didn't have those for the vast majority of history. The best of the nightshades all on one contiguous hunk of land. Hell, tomatoes! Almost forgot about those.

But we don't often look at what the Old World had. Wheat! Barley! Rice! A profusion of incredible grains, really, the finest poaceae has to offer. Carrots! Tons of rosaceous plants like apples and cherries and pears and peaches and apricots! Grapes! Soy and Bamboo! Okra and watermelon! All these things were simply never found in the Americas. The grains one is the wildest for me, the variety of grains available across Eurasia and Africa was truly astounding.

You know what binds together the food of all cultures across the world? Onions. Onions are fucking everywhere. There's probably onions growing near you right now. Allium Gang Unite.

supreme-leader-stoat

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hardwrench

i like a character who follows all of the rules their whole life and then ends up with big fucking nothing except their own self righteous #coping because the rules arent actually good for them or for anybody else

hellkitepriest

would you rather

period cramps and no period

no period cramps and period

Voting ended onFeb 21

#period cramps no period EASY #I've been free coming up on four years and I will never go back #I'd rather take the cramps as bad as they were #I've got ibs I'm used to abdominal pain. what's a bit more

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