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Set the scene ~ 'star wars episode V: the empire strikes back' plays, Damian, Dick and Tim are 3 films deep into a star wars marathon, Damian has been almost completely quiet up until this point.
Vader: "Luke, I am your father"
Damian (loudly): WHAT
Dick: *softly chuckles* plot twist!
Tim: *mouthful of popcorn* I love this bit
Damian: WHAT. GRAYSON. STOP THE - *reaches for the remote* PAUSE IT RIGHT NOW
Dick: okay okay it's paused *continues to chuckle* need a moment to process this one?
Damian: I am so confused
Tim: it's really not that hard, his name kinda means father in German, don't you speak like 10 languags?
Dick: hey, be nice this is a big thing for every first time star wars viewer!
Damian: *muttering quietly* so this is where he got it from
Dick: huh? Oh! you mean his talent for the force? Yeah I guess-
Damian: what? No I'm not talking about - shush for a minute
Dick: huh what do you mea-
Damian: Richard shush I need a minute
Tim: yeah Richard shush
*silence for 3 minutes*
*Damian switches from looking confused, to questioning, to angry*
Damian: I need to call Jason immediately
Dick: sorry Dames he's on a no-comms stake out with Cass right now, do you -
Damian: DAMN IT!
Tim: woah buddy calm down *gets popcorn thrown at him* HEY WHAT WAS THAT FOR
Damian: Tim this is a serious matter. It is imperative I talk to Jason.
Dick: okay okay, Damian it's just a film, one I know Jason's seen before, I'm sure you'll be fine to wait until he's available
Damian: I know he's seen it before, that's the problem! I've just found out he's been lying to me my whole life! I must talk to him so I can question him thoroughly!
Dick and Tim: ... What²
Damian: *exhales, pinches the bridge of his nose* Jason has been quoting that particular line to me for years, any time in the league when I asked for a reason I had to do something he would always say, and I quote, "Damian, I am your father" in that exact voice.
Tim: okay that's funny from him
Damian: except it wasn't Timothy. It was infuriating. It was the answer to everything. And when I tried asking him if it was a quotation, he would vehemently deny it.
Tim: I stand on that being hilarious.
Damian: I hope you never experience love ever again.
Tim: *indignant squawk* hey!
Dick: woah there guys, let just calm it down here, it's just a film -
Damian: NO DICK ITS NOT JUST A FILM! I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY BROTHER AND CLOSEST ALLY HAS BEEN LYING TO ME FOR YEARS!!! I AM BEYOND BETRAYED!
Tim: all this over a film quote? Really?
Damian: I am going to murder him and then you Timothy. Watch your back.
The Batkids trying to hack into Bruce's computer:
Tim: The prompt says name of his favorite child
Dick: Ohhh....so sorry about this guys, but we have to face the truth
*Password declined*
Dick: WHAT?!
Damian: Apologies Grayson, but clearly as the blood-son it must be me
*declined*
Damian: Obviously, he made this password before I was born
Jason: Hey, don't look at me, we all know it's not me
Cassandra: Why is everyone looking at me?
Tim: Oh we all know he's a total girl-dad. Besides, I'm not officially his kid, so I doubt it's me
*declined*
Everyone: WHAT???
Note on screen: "Stop trying to hack into my computer. I don't have favorites - B"
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I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.
I love how in Do Revenge it goes "they were fucked up to do this. It was really fucked up. But they were right." Coming-Of-Rage is really the genre of all time
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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