♡ Park Jimin Enthusiast ♡

Jason: Its because Dick was the golden boy and now Bruce is vainly searching for someone he loves as much as him.

Tim: Maybe he was just using that decade as a trial run to see how a side kick adjusted to becoming a fully fledged vigilante? And once Dick proved the concept he went all in?

Jason: hold on, it's on my phone, let me pull it up.

Tim, audibly delighted: i can't believe you do this-!

Bruce: Robin, don't get distracted, i need you on my six.

Damian: *already distracted, somewhat forlorn* i wish you were an owl...

Bruce: that's not- *pause* what?

Damian: they don't need people on their sixes. they can turn their heads and just look.

*silence*

*distant crashing and gunshots*

Bruce: shit- focus, Robin!

Jason: i got it, it's still here.

Tim: please god read it out,

Bruce: *amidst grunting* you two aren't helping.

Jason, dismissively: then switch to a different line? everybody knows line seven is Red Hood's territory; go back to line one.

Dick: who needs to go back to line one?

Tim: ...Dick you've been here for thirty minutes, how are you not hearing us.

Dick: sorry- you know that thing where you disassociate and drive, and then you snap back to yourself as you pull up the driveway and you have that moment of 'how the fuck am i still alive?'? i think i did that with swinging.

Jason, grunting casually: oh yeah, i get that sometimes.

Dick, mystified: how the fuck did i get to Bristol...? sorry, anyway- what are we on?

Tim: Jason's grudge list.

Dick: Jason's what now?

Jason: i have a list on my phone of the worst things everybody has done to me, so i can keep track of how much revenge i need to get to 'win'.

Damian: ...win what?

Jason: shut up. aren't you fighting?

Damian: it's not that complicated a fight.

*distant gunshot*

Damian, casually, after a beat: Father?

*sounds of punching, hitting*

Bruce: yes?

Damian: how good of a mood would you say you're in?

Bruce: ...why?

Tim: i'm calling it now he got shot- you got shot, didn't you?

*silence*

Damian: tis' but a flesh wound-,

Bruce, resigned: oh my god- Robin.

Damian: you didn't watch my six.

Tim: *laughs*

Damian: it didn't even hit anywhere important,

Bruce: i don't care- just go to the batmobile and get the first aid kit, i'll be there after i finish getting the evidence i needed.

Damian: *groans*

Dick: are you guys done? because i wanna know what's on Jason's list for me.

Tim: yeah i'm- i'm also very invested in this. actually- is Damian on there?

Jason: uhhhh- yeah, by the bottom. i don't update this that much, to be fair.

Damian: what's written for me?

Jason: it just says 'looks too much like Bruce'.

Tim: *instant snickers*

Dick: wait wait- what's on there for Bruce then?

Jason: Bruce's- *laughs* ok, Bruce's has stayed the same since before i went to Ethiopia, and it's still the most evil thing he's ever done to me.

Bruce: *confused grunt*

Jason: according to the list, the meanest shit Bruce has ever done to me was when I was thirteen years old and he took me to an evening afterparty for this opera event, and i was bored as fuck with all the other rich-people kids and i wanted to go home, so to discreetly get B's attention, i texted him-,

Bruce: oh- *snort* ok i remember this.

Dick: what happened?

Jason, indignant: i texted him asking if we could go home, and this piece of shit proceeds to look at the text in the middle of this circle of people he's talking to, read the text from me OUT LOUD TO THEM, and then he looked at me across the room and yelled out 'what's wrong, chum? who don't you like, why do you wanna leave so early?'

Tim: *long noise of sympathy*

Dick: *cackling* THAT'S SO BAD????

Bruce: *another snort*

Jason: shut up Bruce. -and you wonder why we hated you; honestly.

Bruce: you were- *struggling to tamp down his amusement* you were being a handful, and that was the quickest way i could think of to make you want to be quiet.

Dick: *more cackles*

Jason: worst moment of my life to date, and i've literally been murdered.

Bruce, slightly amused: oh come now, chum, that's dramatic.

Jason: IT'S NOT THOUGH??? IT'S PUBLIC HUMILIATION!

Tim: *wheeze*

Damian: *hiss of pain* oh- woooaaahhhhhh,

Dick, still snickering: -uh, Dami?

Damian: hm? oh, sorry, no, carry on, don't mind me- *under his breath* huh, that's cool.

Bruce, slightly concerned: Robin, where are you? i thought i told you to wait in the car.

Damian: i am in the car.

Bruce: then what are you doing?

Damian: taking out the bullet i got shot with.

Tim: ...the hell is 'cool' about that?

Damian: there's a second one already in there that i didn't know about.

*a beat*

Dick, baffled: what?

Bruce, stern: Robin what's your status, are you ok?

Jason: when the fuck did you even last get shot?

Damian: i dunno, that's why it's cool. i guess i forgot about it?

Tim: dude- what the fuck even is your life.

Damian: yeah i don't- oh, i think the second one was blocking a vein- shit, there's blood on the seats,

Dick: oh my god BRUCE GO TO YOUR KID-

Bruce: I'M GOING-

Tim, mumbling: like father like son,

Dick: wait so- things i think you'd be good at?

Tim: all of us. like- i have a theory that Damian would be really good at making topiary animals. i don't know why, i just think he'd smash it.

Dick: oh i get it. i actually- yeah, i could see that with Damian. he's got the steady hands and the artistic talent. i have a- ok, so i have one,

Tim: go.

Dick: i've always had the strong belief that if we were to get Bruce into origami, he'd be a fuckin' paper fiend within a month.

Tim: *wheeze*

Dick: like- do you know what i mean? we'd go down to the Batcave and he'd be mindlessly churning out swans 'n octopus' n shit out of paper while trying to figure out a case.

Tim: *still snickering* i like that. i could see that. like some people knit while they watch TV?

Dick: yeah that's his version of that. i also- for you, i also feel like you would be good at ballroom dancing.

Tim, eager: oh i can actually answer that one,

Dick: yeah?

Tim: yup. *sing-song* answer's no,

Dick: *laughing*

Tim, amused: yeah- yeah my mom also had that belief when i was a kid, and she signed me up for lessons. and let me tell you? *matter of fact* used to get on my instructors last nerve~.

Dick: *gleeful* were you really that bad?

Tim: yeah, that man did not like teaching me. i just kept asking to go to the bathroom and then locking myself in for the entire lesson to look after my nintendogs.

*connecting ping*

Damian: Grayson, Father let me finish early; i'm on my way to you.

Dick: oh sick. hey, Dames, you got any headcanons about skills you think me or Tim would be good at if we tried?

Damian: headcanons? about you two?

Dick: yeah, you know... like, personal ideas or-

Damian: i know what a headcanon is. of course i don't.

Tim: aw, c'mon, not one?

Damian: i hate to break it to you, but you two aren't that interesting to think about. i rarely examine my opinions on anything to do with you unless it is directly relevant to my current life.

*a beat*

Dick: alright, ow, kinda offensive considering i invited you up to Bludhaven for the weekend?

Damian, dryly: yeah, cry about it. that will definitely make you more interesting.

Tim: what the fuck- ok fuck you, and fuck this. what about Jason, do we have any about Jason? i feel like he's the sort of person that would be really good at snowboarding but really shit at skiing.

Dick: oh, honestly? ok i do have one that i've been thinking for a while now actually,

Tim: *prompting hum*

Dick: i've always thought that Jason would be fucking incredible as a Dungeons and Dragons DM.

Tim, curious: ooooooh,

Dick: right? like- he's always been a good storyteller, and as meathead-y as he is he can kinda be a bit of a fantasy nerd. i've always thought that if i could convince him to try a campaign with me then it would be one of the greatest moments of my life.

Tim: fuck, no that's genius. i kinda want this now, do you think we could convince him?

Dick: i've been trying for years, he says he doesn't like DnD.

Damian, bored: he's lying, he plays Dungeons and Dragons all the time.

Dick: ...what?

Damian: yeah. he'd DM for me and some of his friends back in the league every now and then. i had no access to video games and Mother disapproved of other board games, so Jason would cover the DnD textbooks with mathematic book covers, and if anybody walked in on us playing we could just shut our notebooks and claim to be doing math exercises with some dice.

Dick, squeaking indignantly: he told me he had no idea how to play and couldn't be fucked to learn!

Damian, still bored: yeah he's lying because he thinks if any of you were to get involved with one of his campaigns you would be 'insufferable' to play with.

Tim: wait wait wait- so Damian, you grew up as a DnD nerd??!

Damian: why did you think i was so gullible about magic and supernatural stuff back then? my only reference for anything outside of league life was fantasy worlds and spells. when Jason first showed me the All Blades he told me it was because he'd 'acquired a new spell slot'. what reason did i have not to believe him?

Tim: oh my god it all makes so much sense now... oh my god,

Dick: wait. Damian...do you... do you still play with him?

*a beat*

Damian: occasionally.

Dick: HE'S BEEN FUCKING DMING FOR YOU AND CUTTING ME OUT?!?!

Tim: i am so fucking offended right now. who the fuck is he playing with? it can't be just you two,

Damian: no, Thomas also plays. and some of his old league friends.

Dick: are you fucking- he lets Duke play and not us?!?!

Damian: Thomas keeps trying to kill the important NPC's though, so getting through the campaign is slow going.

Dick: i am going to lose my mind-

Damian: Jason says it's a good activity for brothers.

Tim, offended: ok-