Dimensional Phaser

Danny gets a job as the Wayne's PA, and while working with Bruce, he notices something.

The dude's a ditz, for sure, but also.

Also...

He isn't.

Danny realizes it's an act, and that actual ditzyness from the professionals around him drive his new boss up a wall.

But Bruce can't actually point it out, or he reveals that he isn't as ditzy as they say.

Danny decides to have fun; with his powers, he can play an even bigger himbo than Bruce Wayne. (Intangibility will be sure to outplay the Prince of Gotham's clumsiness).

Every time he does his job well, he makes sure to do it in an oblivious fashion that seems like it's going to fail, but then works beautifully.

It's a lot of work, but...the subtle eye twitch of internalized rage? The forced exhale of a quiet, agonized scream of frustration? The sometimes subconscious clenching of the man's fist?

Fucking worth it.

Joker: guess what Ba-

Batman: CAN'T YOU TAKE A VACATION OR SOMETHING I AM BUSY

Joker: ...

So of course the Joker has to kill this guy distracting Batman from him

Except. Danny kinda mastered the art of Himbo'ing his way to success.

And the whole point was that it's infuriating.

If there's anyone everyone would want to infuriate (if they knew they could survive) it'd be the Joker.

I'm suggesting Danny using his knowledge of Himbology for self-defense.

Batman is losing his mind.

If Joker says "this is a murder" Danny's just "but...isn't it just a crowbar?" *confused head tilt*

Joker goes in for a swing? Danny "just notices" a coin on the ground and Joker misses. And it just...goes on like that.

Every. Time.

Bruce: *internally seething* that’s okay Danny

Danny: *booked all three together because he realized it would be faster to fix The Problem™️ and once Bruce realizes this it’s gonna drive him NUTS*

IMAGINE Danny calling up every ounce of Jack Fenton in his body to really sell it— Maddie came to visit him and she gave him anecdotes to use as inspiration. The next time she came to visit, she brought Jack, because Danny got those eyes from her, thank you, regardless of their color, and she can see perfectly fine

Bruce is going FUCKING NUTS— his PA’s entire FAMILY is just HIMBOS and it’s MOSTLY WOMEN

PLEASE imagine Dani, Jazz and Maddie all going out of their way to take their cues from Jack JUST to piss Bruce off

Bruce would be so annoyedthat he’d PURPOSELY FORGET to look into them because he just cannot take more of them at this point, and the cave is supposed to be his safe place, okay?! Meanwhile, he’d barely have to scratch the surface to find out Dani is a clone, Jack and Maddie are mad scientists, Jazz makes politicians cry for a living and is mentoring under Dinah Lance, and Danny’s godfather has a son that looks VERY much like Danny named DAN, and, oh, also, his town has a history of large-scale attacks that probably should’ve made national news

They drive B-Man crazy with there Himboness (even the women)

2. The way Danny is driving the Joker absolutely nuts with his "coincidental" avoidances.

3. Jason, who has made it one of his goals to drive Bruce to madness anyway possible, can absolutely tell all of them (except Jack) are faking it for the most part.

Jason: Why. I need to know?

Danny: He hates it so much. My friend says eat the rich. I say Fuck with their mental health!

Jason:.... Think your parents would adopt me?

"Hey Danny-" Jason began, about to warn his new friend of an incoming sniper. Before he could, Danny held up a bath towel and took a step back. In one smooth motion, he unfurled it before giving it a single shake. Just at that moment, a single bullet hit a glass jar that Danny had stood in front of, causing it to shatter and spray shards all around. Shards which were deflected by one shake of the towel.

Bruce tensed up, his Brucie smile became strained as he greeted his guest, "Hello, Ms. Fenton. Danny isn't here." Now go away.

Jazz giggled, fully embracing an airheaded personality. She exaggeratly waved her hand in a dismissive manner, "I'm not here for Danny. And it's Dr. Fenton, but please call me Jazz."

Burce raised an eyebrow. If Jazz wasn't here for her brother, then why was she here? Bruce mentally pleaded to any deity that she wasn't here for him. He'd already met his daily quota for Fenton himboness. He couldn't take another dose.

He was about to ask what business brought Jazz when his second eldest entered the room, walked over, and threw an arm around Jazz's shoulders.

"Ready to go?" Jason asked.

"Go?" Bruce echoed.

Jazz leaned into Jason. "Jason is taking me to the movies."

Burces took it back. Whatever deity that granted Bruce's earlier request, he took it back.

Jazz: Danny clocked Brucie as a mask. He wants to see what it will take to break him. What kind of older sister would I be if I didn't support his chaos?

In person you wonder how they can breathe and speak at the same time, on paper they're virtuosos in their fields.

Also Jason is the only one who knows, for certain, that the Fentons are smarter than they appear.

Tim and Lucius have their suspensions, based on how smoothly things have been since Danny became Bruce’s PA.

Bruce is brooding over having his genre forcibly flipped from gritty to sitcom.

Danny evading the Joker like a drunken boxing master only instead of king fu it’s the slapstick defense. He literally slipped on a banana peel to get out of the way of a tranq.

Failing successfully. It’s an art form. And like those trendy hairstyles, it actually takes a lot of work and preparation to look this effortlessly stupid. But it’s worth it.

“Is that why you’re pouting, big baby boo?”

…yet that’s the same useless reptile that just nearly saved him from dying AGAIN.

Danny, shrugging: Sure okay.

Dick, pausing: "Okay"?! This is Gotham! Don't just listen to weirdos who randomly grab you off the street.

Danny: But whatever you were doing seemed way more interesting than meeting my weird godfather for dinner.

Dick: Regardless- have more respect for your life!

Danny: *snorts*

On one of these days, he finds a farmhouse of a very jittery couple who agree to let him sleep in the barn, with the conditions that he sleeps in the barn loft and if he's found, they disavow all knowledge that he was there. He agrees, because he's exhausted and will sleep in a hay pile if he has to. My grandpa manages to fit all six foot three inches of himself into a feed trough stored upstairs and tries to get some sleep.

However, right when he's half-snoozing, he hears motors outside and sure enough, here are some very angry officers of mixed Nazi and Vichy make confronting the couple saying someone up the road spotted an American soldier walking this way. They wouldn't know anything about that, would they? No, of course not.

All the while, my grandpa—now trying to figure out how to either escape the barn unseen or how to fight off six? seven? eight? people at once—freezes up and waits for the inevitable. While he does, a HUGE spider crawls next to his head and onto the loft railing. For one second, he thinks about swatting it away, but that would risk him being seen and killed.

So, instead, he lays there and waits to either fight to the death or get executed in a feed trough. And while he lays there, the spider starts making a huge web on the railing. My grandpa's transfixed by this thing. He watches her go around and around, building a solid web before plopping herself off to one side and waiting for breakfast. At the same time, the officers finally go into the barn.

My grandpa can hear them searching around, turning over crates and checking animal pens. Then, he hears one say to check the loft.

And then another say, "Don't bother. Look at the spiderwebs up there. No one's been there in a while."

And they leave.

Because my grandpa didn't swat the spider away and let her build her web, the officers thought no one was there and left him alone. They drive off and my grandpa immediately thanks the farmer couple and hauls ass out of there as soon as he can.

Lately I'm having ideas before going to sleep... Another midnight prompt:

Jason thought it was funny.

He had been seeing this flyers everywhere about this tournament to win the right to adopt the prince of this place called the infinite realms, not realizing very few people seem to be able to see them. It was clearly some kind of joke, or maybe a reference for a new movie/game he hadn't heard of. So course Jason took a pen and wrote on one of them that Bruce Wayne was participating.

He thought it was funny. He still thinks it is, having the adoption addict in an adoption tournament it's funny! But he can admit, that the tournament being real, and very magical, make things a little complicated.

-_-_-_-

Danny will still be a ghostling for a long time, and elder ghosts in general have decided it would be healthy for him and Ellie to have an appropriate guardian, now that the prince and his mirrorborn were forced to leave their home dimension. Danny has met a lot of people he trusts at this point, and isn't so sure about choosing, or if he even wants any of these people as guardians. Look, he knows they're technically neons old, but a lot of them feel like peers, or older siblings, definitely not guardians. So. After a lot of whining from literally every ghost that was even a year older than him, Danny set up an adoption tournament to get them off his back. He'll surely be able to make up his mind by the time the tournament is done.

Swiping a hand down his face he did the only thing he could think to do. Call Dick.

"On a scale of one to ten, ten being the absolute worst how bad is it that I somehow signed B up for a magical tournament."

"Well hello to you Jason, my day was wonder- I'm sorry magical tournament?" Dick starts sarcastically before choking on his words. "Please explain."

(one explanation later)

"-And now he HAS to go." Jason collapsed onto his couch staring at the ceiling. Hearing nothing from the other end he is about to start getting angry when he gets his response.

"You put Bruce "let me just grab this child" Wayne in an adoption tournament, Jason." Dick says gravely, "Do you really think he is going to back out?"

Lately I'm having ideas before going to sleep... Another midnight prompt:

Jason thought it was funny.

He had been seeing this flyers everywhere about this tournament to win the right to adopt the prince of this place called the infinite realms, not realizing very few people seem to be able to see them. It was clearly some kind of joke, or maybe a reference for a new movie/game he hadn't heard of. So course Jason took a pen and wrote on one of them that Bruce Wayne was participating.

He thought it was funny. He still thinks it is, having the adoption addict in an adoption tournament it's funny! But he can admit, that the tournament being real, and very magical, make things a little complicated.

-_-_-_-

Danny will still be a ghostling for a long time, and elder ghosts in general have decided it would be healthy for him and Ellie to have an appropriate guardian, now that the prince and his mirrorborn were forced to leave their home dimension. Danny has met a lot of people he trusts at this point, and isn't so sure about choosing, or if he even wants any of these people as guardians. Look, he knows they're technically neons old, but a lot of them feel like peers, or older siblings, definitely not guardians. So. After a lot of whining from literally every ghost that was even a year older than him, Danny set up an adoption tournament to get them off his back. He'll surely be able to make up his mind by the time the tournament is done.

Swiping a hand down his face he did the only thing he could think to do. Call Dick.

"On a scale of one to ten, ten being the absolute worst how bad is it that I somehow signed B up for a magical tournament."

"Well hello to you Jason, my day was wonder- I'm sorry magical tournament?" Dick starts sarcastically before choking on his words. "Please explain."

(one explanation later)

"-And now he HAS to go." Jason collapsed onto his couch staring at the ceiling. Hearing nothing from the other end he is about to start getting angry when he gets his response.

"You put Bruce "let me just grab this child" Wayne in an adoption tournament, Jason." Dick says gravely, "Do you really think he is going to back out?"

I need every single person to understand how horrible tumblr’s tagging system is

I go into the tag for epilepsy and its all flashing lights. We can’t use our own tag because people without epilepsy fill it up with improper warnings.

Use ‘flashing’ in place of ‘epilepsy’ in your tags. You aren’t warning people of epileptics, you’re warning us of flashing lights. Please please tag properly. Epileptics say this endlessly and constantly and it’s ignored. You are risking lives by doing this.

Here’s proof of what I mean:

A Totally Normal Wayne Dinner

Father's Gifts

Wight Hood

The Clown is Catching Ghost Hand's 1 & 2

World Star Halfa Edition

Rogues of Gotham Fucking Around and Finding Out

Alternate Ways to Live and Die Part 1 & 2

D(e)adbeat

Warnings were Ignored; Clown is Now Dead

Blood Sons

Adopted?!

Homeless Angels are More Annoying Than they Should Be

It's a Boy!

Love Thy Good Neighbor

Not All Heroes Wear Capes, Sometimes They Wear Ties and Pantsuits

Memories are a Fickle Thing

Sister Cities

Older Brother Privileges

The Lost Boy

Dammit Clockwork! A Little Warning Next Time?

Biblically Accurate Boyfriend

Heart Stopper

But I'm a Neurosurgeon

Call the (Phantom) Midwife

Pocket Thief

How May I Take Your Order?

Show Me Jason Todd

Wayne's Surprises

Discipling a God

Tim Drake: Teen Dad

If You're Watching This...Wait, Don't Watch It

Cause and Effects Or: Actions Have Consequences, Guys

Brother Soldier

Tim, who has been hiding a sleeping 'vampire' in his room for two weeks: Wow! Why do you think it was me?

Bruce: Jason won't take my money, Dick avoids anything funeral related, Damian told me Talia already has his funeral arrangements planned and "none of the ilk he kills deserves coffins"-

Tim: Yikes.

Bruce: I know. Steph is convinced shes either never going to die or shes going to die fighting God, not sure what that means but she scares me, and Barbra and Duke are my good children who I pretend I never have to worry about in regards to things like these.

Tim: What about Cass?

Bruce: If Cass needed a coffin, she'd either come out and ask me, or I would never know about it. Meaning, it has to be you.

Tim: Touche.

Bruce: Timothy what is the coffin for?!

Tim: Okay jeez. If you must know, I thought sleeping in a small enclosed space would help with my sleep schedule.

Bruce: Why not just ask for a bunk bed, or use the closet or wardrobe?

Tim: Its was 3 am! Give me a break!

It then becomes a Thing, because of course all the other bats simply must try it (for science, obviously, and also because they wanted it to suck so that they could make fun of Bruce for it with receipts. but they were disappointed when it was, in fact, extremely comfortable [the outlier here is Jason, who has coffin trauma and will not be counted]).

So begins the trend of bats napping in coffins like vampires. If it ever gets out to the public — which of course it eventually will — the entire superhero community is going to lose their minds.

Their sleep coffins of course are in their rooms/homes and significantly more personalized but the napcoffins are all up for grabs for anyone (with the exception of Jason who didn't want to be left out and so got a wicker casket that everyone calls the napbasket) and you only know if their occupied if it's closed

And then eventually find a small dark room in the darkest and most secluded part of the Cave, turning on a Flashlight only to see a room full of Coffins, each with the Emblem of one of the Bats.

At first they feel very guilty, because this is obviously Coffins that Batman prepared for the day when one of them dies, and its in the most hidden part of the cave because he hopes it will never be needed. This feels like a violation of privacy. They really should leave before somebody finds them-

One of the Coffin Lids begins to creak open.

They freeze in Terror, and point their Flashlight to the Coffin in the Center, which is slowly opening.

Out of it, rises Batman. In Full Costume. Yawning.

On another note, imagine a Vampire King Dick getting into this world, but is captured? And when they ask what made him go evil, he says it's because he's a vampire.

And the superheroes are giving him the eyebrow because, "That's a harmful stereotype. Our Bats and Birds are all Vampires, except Red Hood who died before he could be turned and came back a Revenant and the youngest Robin who is half Demon Dhampir. And Cardinal's boyfriend, the Banshee Ghost by the name of Phantom. But he's still on the fence about joining the Gotham Vigilantes, so he probably doesn't count?"

And Vampire Dick is actually so fucking confused. Cause he knows that technically all possibilities are possible in the mulitverse. He also knows about the old rumors of them being Vampires, especially Bruce. But his Bruce didn't have fangs or sleep in a coffins. Though, they can all walk in sunlight? But they are covered, head to toe, in a way none of his family ever did. Even Spoiler is wearing a helmet that lets her hair out the back! Only one not covered is Damian. WTF is this world?

Now the coffin vs casket thing is a good point. I think that when they started ordering their coffins they experimented a lot with shape, material, and whether they wanted a full lid or hinges. I think they fight over which is comfier, casket or coffin.

The napcoffin part of the cave is called the Bat Mausoleum and the caskets there are formed to their suits so they can have comfy power naps without needing to put away their gear. Caskets are used there because of the hinges make exit quicker and theres greater space for customized padding for when suits change. The half lids are useful if they need to monitor alerts to results of tests but are usually closed.

Upstairs theres more coffins in the family napping den, unpersonalized bc again its a everyone's space kind of thing. The loose lid is nice if you wanna peak out one way or another and a lid slightly crooked lets others know you're okay with being woken up. Whether they have a coffin or casket in their bedroom is up to them, that's their personal preferences and specs so it doesn't matter to anyone else.

Vampire King Dick escapes the Watchtower to get to the Bat Cave. Follows the smell of blood he recognizes but also notices a new zing to. Sees the Bat Mausoleum deep in the cave system. Goes to bite Jason, who was alone down there in his open wicker casket.

But the whole Bat Family has gained more Ghost like behavior, especially since they found out that it helped Jason's Core. So Jason just thinks his brother wants to play. Laughing between snarls, baring teeth that become a row of fangs, tossing Dick around and asking why his brother was holding back.

Broke college student but also the Ghost King Danny looking at the stack of complaint forms in his inbox about people cheating death. In a stroke of sleep deprived inspiration, he issues a royal decree that anyone who has properly died before (I.e biologically dead, not just clinically dead) is still a citizen of the Infinite Realms, even if they were resurrected. And have to pay income tax to the Crown.

He establishes the Infinite Realms Revenue Service, recruits the ghosts of some meticulous accountants and sends them after all the assholes who think they can escape Death and Taxes. Starting with the worst offenders (ie those who have escaped death the longest/most often). Your tax bracket scales with how many times you died.

Just picture Ra's al-Ghul, in the middle of giving some speech to his assassin cult when this Phil Coulson looking ghost dude shows up behind him to "discuss the back taxes he owes to the Crown".

Every magic user worth their salt is suddenly swamped with messages from panicked villains and heroes who are trying to figure out wtf is going on and how to get out of this. Constantine is sweating bullets.

Danny hires Valerie to do mortal side "casework", because a, she's just as saddled with student debt as he is b, has worked fast food and knows how to handle asshole customers c, doesn't take shit from anybody.

Imagine Vandal Savage, Felix Faust and Red Hood awkwardly sitting in a waiting room with a stack of documents each, ready for their number to be called so they can dispute their claims. Being called in and utterly flummoxed at the unflappable, bored young woman at the desk who somehow has files on everything about you - birth record, death record(s), who you killed and when records... now declare your income as a crime lord/dictator/sorcerer, sir.

Like, it would be easy to just say "money," but the infinite realms are also home to the neverborn and the dead of other realities/planets/time periods. He would either need a currency that all of them agree on and can reliably acquire, or need to make a new currency.

The underworld dieties agree that being hounded by the IRRS is a fitting enough punishment for cheating death lol As soon as the problem people Stay Dead, the way they should be, they won't have to worry about the taxman anymore!

I’m not here to help you with your mental health. That’s not my job. I can’t control you. But I’m here to warn people, especially the kids on here.

There is a very infamous internet terrorist group called 764.

They are TARGETING groups that suffer from mental health issues, very specifically £D groups online. On platforms like Tumblr, Twitter, TikTok, etc.

YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO ONLINE.

764 is known for grooming people into joining their Discord and telegram groups, and it starts slow. It’s love bombing, they’ll say they want to be 4Ana buddies, they’ll say they understand, that theyre ur age and theyre also struggling. But really theyre grooming and love bombing you. They will start slow and steadily start to desensitize you to things like g0re, s3lf-h4rm, and CSAM. Theyll ask for nvde body checks and then bam. It’s over, theyre blackmailing you, forcing you to do worse and worse and worse. It’s gotten to the point that either you’ll just kys or you’ll end up being forced to hurt someone else. MULTIPLE school sh00tings and attempted school sh00tings have been under the influence of this terrorist group. Please for the love of God, do NOT trust anyone on here.

The FBI has flagged this as a genuine terrorist group, they are a HUGE organization using mainstream apps like discord, telegram, even ROBLOX to promote and talk to minors and groom them into this hell.

DO NOT SEND BODY CHECKS, DONT TALK ABOUT ADDRESSES, SCHOOLS, IPS, PHONE NUMBERS, ANYTHING THAT COULD EVER BE USED AGAINST YOU.

Please look more into this group if you’re curious. Be warned, looking into it can be extremely triggering.