collector of shiny things (gremlin)

Dick: *Gasp* No. You don't mean-!

Alfred: It must be done. *Picks up red phoneline* We're going nuclear

Dick: Don't do this!

Alfred: I must.

Jason: What's happening?

Tim: I...don't know

Damian: What? Drake doesn't know? We're all gonna die.

Alfred: Not to worry children. This will only harm me and your father.

Dick: Noooooooooo!

Two hours later at the watch tower:

Bruce "Lightweight" Wayne drinking with Clark and Diana for the first time: And then- and then he told me I need to be home by 12 am. Me! I'm an adult. I make adult decisions on my own and don't need no butler to put a curfew on me!

Clark: You sure do, Honey. Have about some water?

Diana: He's a rather adorable drunk isn't he?

Clark: He is. He hasn't stopped hugging me since his third shot.

Bruce muttering into Clark's pec: I love you, farm boy and your country muscles.

Clark: Love you too.

Diana: Aw. You make a good couple. How long has it been?

Clark: Thanks. Our first year anniversary is coming up. I want to-

Bruce spring up suddenly: Did you feel that?

Clark: feel what?

Bruce: The red phone has been activated.

Diana: What?

Bruce: We got- we have to-run. Not safe here! *stumbles* No! I'm uncoordinated. Love, help!

Clark: What's going on, Honey? What's wrong?

Bruce: He's coming!

Diana pulling out her sword: Who is?

Danny appearing in a bright green portal: Bruce Thomas Wayne! What's this I hear about you breaking curfew?

Bruce: Dad! I can explain!

Danny: Are you drunk? You know the legal drinking age is 221, young man!

Bruce sobbing: I'm sorry Dad, I just wanted my boyfriend to think I'm cool.

Danny: I don't want to hear it! You're grounded! You're going to spend the summer with me harvesting natural ectoplasm in the Infinite Realms without internet!

Bruce: No! Anything but that Dad!

Clark: Oh, you must be Alfred's ex-husband. The immortal that adopted Bruce and legally made him fall under a different dimension laws correct? It's lovely to me you sir, I'm Clark Kent.

Danny: Put that hand away. I know the reputation you Els have. You won't turn my sweet boy down the path of delinquency. You are never seeing him again.

Diana: Sir, Bruce is a full-grown man-

Danny: Not in the eyes of the ghosts council, he isn't. Look at him!

Bruce: *trying to sneak out a window* Why wont this open!?

Diana: Did he forget we're in space?

Danny: This is what underage drinking leads to! Once I get Bruce safely home, I'm going to go beat Alfred's ass. How dare he let our boy get this bad? And you!

Diana: Me?

Danny: You seem like you're far into your 200s. How dare you buy these boys alcohol? I'm calling your mother.

Diana sarcastically: I'm sure you are

Danny pulling out his phone: Hello Hippolyta? Your daughter is encouraging underage drinking

Hippolyta: She is doing What?!

Scott just lets out a long sigh everytime and counts to ten in his head.

He ends up on the same flight to New York as Shane after an away game in Ottawa, with Scott going back home and Shane travelling for the launch of a new Rebook store in New York.

And Scott can't help but laugh when he sees what the in flight movie options are. At Shane's curious look he waves at the small tv screen and explains the bit Ilya has going on. And Shane, just for a second, gets this weird glint in his eyes before offering Scott one of his earbuds with a smile.

"Want to rewatch the game with me instead?", he asks, holding up his IPad. And, why the hell not, Scott thinks, there are worse things than reviewing their game with Shane (even though he doubts Shane will share any of his strategical thoughts with him).

Pounded In the Butt By My Confused But Well-Meaning Alien Welcoming Committee, coming to you this fall from Chuck Tingle

~at breakfast~

*the bats chilling at the dining table, eating food*

Bruce, to Tim: so i got that meeting moved to Thursday, and we can talk to the board this afternoon about those plans you discussed with me last night.

Tim: oh, cool. so i’ll come to your office at like, three i guess?

Bruce: sounds good to me.

Jason, in Damian’s ear as he grocery shops in Crime Alley: neat, there’s a three for two offer on that ice cream brand i like. i’ve been craving ice cream all weekend.

Damian, not looking up from his cereal: you should try the new flavour they came out with, it has caramel in it.

Jason: oooh, good shout,

the rest of the table:

Bruce: what was that, chum?

Damian, glancing up at them: i wasn’t talking to you.

Jason: so rude, interjecting themselves into our conversations like that.

Damian: i know, right?

Tim, baffled: …what the fuck is happening?

Bruce decides that Damian must just have an imaginary friend or something, so he leaves it be. honestly, anything even remotely childlike Damian is willing to do in public is a massive step forward in Bruce’s eyes, so he’s pretty happy to pretend like nothing’s changed. he even takes part in the conversation sometimes, when he can pick up context simply from what Damian says and has something potentially helpful to add. confused but not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, Damian occasionally ends up acting as a go-between while Bruce unknowingly has conversations with his dead son, which is weirdly healing for Jason even though Bruce has no idea what he’s really doing.

~Damian quietly drawing in the corner of Bruce’s office while Bruce works~

Jason, in Damian’s ear, as he tries to fix a leak in his apartment: i don’t even understand where the water’s coming from- *grunt* i swear i turned off the valve!

Damian, mildly: this is the third time your sink has broken, at this point just pay for a professional.

Bruce: ?

Jason: i’m not paying some shmuck to do something i can do myself perfectly well.

Damian: except you can’t do it perfectly well, you’ve been trying to do it perfectly well for the past forty-five minutes and you haven’t even located where the leak is.

Jason: shut up, i’m getting there.

Bruce:

Bruce, wants to bond with Damian and encourage his make-believe: *tentatively* try feeling along the p-trap with a paper towel…?

Damian: *blinks over at him*

Jason, can hear Bruce through Damian’s earpiece: it’s not the p-trap, i checked that.

Damian: …it isn’t the p-trap.

Bruce: then maybe put the plug in and fill the basin with water; it could be an issue with the drain strainer.

Damian:

Jason: ….hold on.

*a minute later*

Jason: ohhhh i got you, motherfucker! i got it!

Damian: it was the drain strainer?

Jason: it’s the drain strainer! tell B thanks.

Damian: thank you, Father.

Bruce, oddly proud of himself: no problem! you know if you’re interested in fixing things, Damian, i could always show you how to-

Damian: i have no interest in mechanical endeavours whatsoever.

Bruce:

Bruce: alright then.

Dick is a little concerned that Damian’s hallucinating or hearing voices at first, but he eventually subscribes to Bruce’s imaginary friend theory and responds pretty much in the same way. the only other theory that keeps cropping up is Tim’s theory, which develops after Damian doesn’t realise Tim’s in the same room as him and mid-debate about the best type of poison firmly refers to Jason by his full government name. this leads Tim to decide that Damian can commune with the dead, and is being haunted/followed around by the friendly ghost of the second Robin. Tim then becomes worried that he’s upset Jason’s ghost when he became Robin, and starts flitting about Damian nervously while trying to find out if there’s a way to make peace with Jason’s restless spirit.

Damian goes with it because he thinks it’s funny.

Tim: is it like- is it an unfinished business thing? is he trapped to this mortal realm with no way to pass on? do we need to help him???

Damian, baffled:

Jason, having the time of his life: tell him my ghost wants twenty dollars.

Damian: *snorts*

Tim, looking around frantically: what’d he say?!?!?!

Damian: nothing.

Jason: no, shut up, tell him i want twenty dollars.

Damian: no, piss off.

Tim: tell me!

Damian: ….he says he wants twenty dollars.

Tim: …why would a ghost want twenty dollars?

Jason: to buy stuff from the ghost vending machine. obviously.

Damian: ok. you’re an idiot.

Tim: what’s he saying?

*noise of water from the earpiece*

Damian: …are you taking a fucking shower right now?

Jason: what, ghosts cant have showers? listen- you gotta tell him that to get physical items into the spirit realm you have to burn them as sacrifice. we’re gonna get him to set all his shit on fire.

Damian: why would you want everything to be set on fire?

Jason: dunno. bored.

Tim: he wants us to set stuff on fire? *slightly worried* …is he a vengeful ghost?

Damian:

Damian: why can’t you just be like Father and presume i’m simply a whimsical child?

Tim: …?