I didnāt write yesterday, but I thought a lot...
Right now, the schedule with my ex means that I donāt have my precious three little girls every other Sunday afternoon.Ā I tend to keep myself away from the house and busy to pass the time and to keep my mind off of the situation. Ā There is no use in being angry, feeling sorry for myself or even for them.Ā This is the situation and at this point, there is nothing I can do about it no matter how much I grieve with them every time they are begging to come home at night. Ā I just canāt do anything for them, so I keep busy.Ā I think and pray a lot.
Yesterday I served first service entering the attendance data and covering for the previous two services. I was planning on going to service before I got a text from one of the leaders of my Single Moms group (letās call her Emmy Lou).Ā She was warning me that we were going to be talking about sexuality and our singleness. Ā Ugh. Ā I didnāt want to go at all, but that has usually been a good indicator that I should go. Ā So I went.
I sat down.Ā I listened. Ā I was surprised by what I heard.Ā Ā
First, sexuality isnāt something we talk much about.Ā I mean, it has been talked about it in Divorce Care and in our Single Parenting class:Ā wait, donāt do it, Godās way is the best way, etc. Ā (all of which Iām totally here for).Ā But we donāt talk about failures and struggles with sexuality.Ā Emmy Lou was vague but open that she struggled with some stuff during her single years between her marriages.Ā Ā
**gasp**
What?!Ā Here was a woman that LOVES Jesus and she struggled?Ā This awesome person obviously being used by God, an upstanding woman in the church, and she was even affected by this? Before I even knew her personally, God had used Emmy Lou to teach me lessons in my life (she still doesnāt know about that, but different story for a different time). Sheās amazing. And she shares some of the same struggles I have?!
(BTW the book Rediscovering Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery is wonderful and a fantastic reminder of the way God designed sex. Sex and all regarding is definitely something we do NOT talk about nearly as much as we should.Ā And its misuse is rampant.)
That was my first thought.
Secondly, Emmy Lou said something that stuck out:Ā the devil always seems to remind her of her past right before she is getting ready to praise God through singing/worship.Ā That stuck.
Lately Iāve felt unsettled and unworthy, separate from God.Ā Iāve felt like a hypocrite and have been very aware of my many and varied failures while knowing Iāve asked for forgiveness and Heās been faithful in forgiving.Ā We are led into these temptations (not just sexual), told how good they will make us feel, and then when we partake, BAM!!! Ā The devil is right there reminding us of our failure, how we can never shake this sin, that we will always be a loser and a slave to our past.Ā
And here she is, getting ready to praise the very God that sent His son for HER, for ME.....and the devil steps in to set that off track.Ā He reminds us of our nakedness and the shame of disobeying God. Ā Heās a sneaky little piece of crap.
And honestly, I could leave it here.Ā Just relating to someone else and having it pointed out that seemingly perfect people arenāt ever perfect; we all need the grace, mercy, and saving the Lord offers. A reminder that God uses the most broken to magnify His name. Truth. I left not thinking much more about it. Ā I went to the Y, ran a couple miles and walked a bit, but just wasnāt feeling it. Ā Went to check what time hot yoga started.... still another 1.5 hours.Ā Ugh. Ā I the remembered I could get the service from church that I missed on my phone and I have a girlfriend who said she likes to run while listening to books on tape! Ā I thought Iād try it.Ā Ā
I was disappointed when they didnāt have this weekās sermon up, but they had last weeks which Iād missed between serving and dipping out early to spend a little extra time with my kids. I turned it on and started walking.Ā Ā
(Hereās where to find it:Ā The Day of War from 03/01/2020 Ā https://www.onlinecfc.com/messages/action,view/id,116 )
About 45 minutes into this sermon video (see above), the pastor is talking about 2 Chronicles 20 and the fear the people have as they are facing an attack.Ā They cried out to God in desperation and He responded (through the prophet Jahazial). Ā They would be protected. Ā He would protect them. Ā He would fight against their enemies for them.Ā And just to prove a point, he told them to gather the choir.... Ā (insert curious/confused emoji here). Ā The choir!? Ā Yep. Ā They went into battle worshiping the Lord. And here is where I nearly tripped over my own feet on the track because I started thinking about Emmy Lou.
She has her own enemy like we all do.Ā The devil. Ā The great deceiver. Ā The father of lies. And then there is our God.Ā The Almighty. Ā The Comforter. Ā Our Protector. Ā He will fight for us.
...āThis is what the LORD says: āDo not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army, for the battle does not belong to you, but to God.ā... 2 Chron 20:15
āāYou need not fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out and face them tomorrow, for the LORD is with you.āā 2 Chron 20:17
What do we need to do?Ā First, pray! Ā Thatās what they did in 2 Chronicles; they asked God for help and He answered.Ā But then they trusted Him and praised Him. Ā Just like Emmy Lou who feels the attacks of the devil right as she is preparing to sing praises to the Creator.Ā And what does she do? Ā She leans into God and His protection. Ā She pushes that sneaky, manipulative snake away reminding herself that sheās sorted that out with God and Heās forgiven her.Ā Heās got this. Ā And then she sings. Ā She praises God. Ā Another battle is won.
These battles may be more subtle than they were in 2 Chronicles or Joel 3, but they are battles that God is still in control of... and they matter.Ā Ā