I have been on my own as a single parent for nearly 3 years and am coming up on 2 years divorced. Up to this point, it was about healing and just making it through. But recently I’m finding myself open up to not doing this by myself. I found I quit searching a mom’s hand for a wedding band and feeling a connection when there wasn’t one to be found, and have started noticing ringless fingers on men. It was an unintentional switch, but there you have it. Between that and focusing on being intentional.....something we’re working on as a church, too... I had to evaluate myself. --Do I want to raise these kids by myself and could they benefit from a positive male role model? I think so. I desire the intimacy of being able to share openly what happened during the day and how I’m feeling. I want someone who will lovingly push me in a better direction, towards God and away from selfishness. When it is just me, there isn’t accountability that way. I want another opinion on how I’m raising these little girls because I know I’m not getting it all right! And I also want someone to show these little girls what to look for in their future spouse. In fact, I asked Bunny how she would feel about it (excited) and what she would want concerning this man. Her answer: She wants him “not to leave and he has to stay,” he has to have a dog (”or else we can get one after you get married”), he has to not be mean, and she’d also like a brother. (Oh my.....) --What timeline do I have in mind? No answer to that. I am not in a rush at all and I want to be very aware and intentional about being patient. Any time I try to rush things with God, it doesn’t work out so well. Of course, I have this idea that introducing someone within the next year or two would mean that the girls wouldn’t remember much time without him and he’d be a permanent figure from “the beginning.” But if God has a different plan, then so be it. I just want to make sure I’m keeping that door open and (again) being intentional about doing so for when and if that time comes. I will add, to be completely transparent, that I’m very comfortable with where I’m at and I’m sure part of my being okay with “not rushing it” is because of that.....which also isn’t the best place to be! I need to be challenged and held accountable to keep moving in an upward direction!
--What am I hoping for? A courting relationship vs a dating one. I’m not interested in dating a whole bunch of guys to find the one. I’m looking to only “date” someone who is interested in marrying me. Think Duggar style but with less parental involvement, maybe?! My dad will have opinions of course, but I want friends, family, church, etc. involved in this relationship. I want it to be an honorable relationship that is God-pleasing in every way. And once six months is up, I want to find someone who truly loves my kids and the dating/courting process involves them, too. --What am I looking for in a potential spouse? Commitment, honesty, patience, kindness, grace, leadership, awesome work ethic. Someone who has a real, developing relationship with God that drives his life and decisions. Someone who is in the Word daily and who pushes me even closer to Him, too, and I have to be able to be myself without walking on eggshells. Someone who can laugh with me, at himself, who I feel totally okay with singing (not so well) in the car with and who sings with me. Someone who make the best of a situation. Someone to dance in the kitchen with, have bbqs with, drink wine by the fire with, share the most intimate details of my life and visa versa. I’d like it to be okay to spend the evenings at home talking, playing games, or watching tv, but weekends spent getting out of the house and having family adventures. Someone who values open communication...super open. And a wonderful example of a marriage partner to my little girls. --What are deal breakers? I am NOT looking for anyone who plays video games, pouts/plays the silent game, is constantly complaining/pessimistic, is unwilling to compromise, or is super into sports. I don’t mind going to sporting events, but I won’t be obligated to watching them on tv (but I can go to the grocery store instead) or scheduling our entire weekends around what games are on. No thanks to someone who is late, critical, controlling, rude, or lazy. I’m also finding I’m not into the guy that is always at the gym and obsessed with working out....I’m just never going to be a good match to him, that way! Absolutely no smoking. I’m also not going to move any time soon. So......tricky! :) I want to keep being involved at my church, have the girls go to their Christian school, and stay close to family as much as possible. And for right now, I have my own business here and the house provides a lot of stability; the girls have a home to rely on even when their dad is moving out and from apartment to apartment. Still developing all this
