welcome to the inside of my brain

SOMEONE FINALLY LIKES THE YELLOWFIN TUNA BACK... AND IT'S THE HARDHEAD CATFISH

I raise you: SacabamBADpis

(I have the cute one too I just don’t have any pictures of them for some reason)

original sacabamBADpis under the cut

"No, I mean-"

Oh, maybe the woman who had to pee in a public park that only had pay toilets, so she tried to hide behind the bushes but got caught? Public urination is a sex crime.

"What? No, I mean-"

Oh, maybe you mean the homeless guy who had to strip down to get his clothes in the laundromat to clean them for the first time in weeks? He tried being subtle, but someone called the cops on him, and now he's on the sex offender registry for public nudity.

"Rapists and pedophiles! Kill rapists and pedophiles!"

Oh, like the trans woman who got called a pedophile groomer for helping a trans kid escape her abusive parents?

Or maybe the black man who got labeled a rapist because he came on to another man's wife, and he decided to get back at him by charging him with rape?

How about the 17 year olds who were fooling around, fully consensually, in one of their bedrooms? That's still technically underage sex and thus rape of a minor.

Oh, or maybe you're talking about the doctor who performed genital reconstructive surgery in a state that just voted to get that classified as rape?

People will do everything they can to get you convinced rape and pedophilia are the worst crimes possible, then accuse whoever they like the least of being either a rapist, a pedophile, or both, counting on you turning on them just for being accused of the crime.

"Oh, so you're saying you don't want to kill a serial rapist?"

That's exactly what I'm goddamn saying.

Once we decide a group is okay to kill, the government will do everything they can to convince you that their political enemies are either part of that group, or just as bad as that group, to get you to kill their enemies for them.

potentially divisive statements incoming but as an artist, an aspiring game designer, and a lover of games and game history, I'm of the opinion that unless the original game presents a significant barrier to entry for modern gamers in terms of mechanical design, a remake is basically never necessary. As far as I'm concerned, in their current state retro game remakes exist pretty much exclusively to squeeze money out of old IPs rather than devoting resources to funding new projects, and they very often ruin or substantially alter the creative direction of the original source material in the process.

I do not like remakes that exist purely to remaster the graphics of vintage games--I think they almost always strip the charm of the original art direction in the process. So many recent game remakes do this. The link's awakening remake which literally lagged the switch because someone decided it needed to have raytraced lighting. The fucking ace attorney HD remasters that not only remove a lot of the charm of the original gba/ds sprites but I just recently found out they also completely replace phoenix's original objection soundbyte for no fucking reason. Persona 3 reload (my mortal enemy) smooths out the edges (visually) of a lot of characters to the detriment of the tone of the game as a whole, and is ALSO a victim of voice-acting replacement for no reason. And ok niche pull but it's still the most glaring example in my own head: like a year and a half ago I was on a japanese murder mystery visual novel kick because. well you know. and I was trying to play the original famicom detective club games after really enjoying one of the sequels. there is no way to play those games in english with the original graphics anymore. The only version of those games that exists in english has "remastered" the 16-bit sprites into uncanny valley live2d rigged cgs. The games honestly look like you're watching a poorly rigged vtuber. The fact that I had to experience the games with THOSE graphics if i wanted to play them in english was so infuriating to me that I gave up on trying to play them entirely.

The only reason I will ever advocate for an older game to be remade for a modern console is if the original game's PHYSICAL MECHANICS can be substantially improved via a remake. Examples of this kind of remake include the recent skyward sword remake that fixed the broken motion controls from its original wii release and the wiiU version of wind waker which removed some genuinely awful tedium in late-game quests. But if the only reason a company has for remaking a game is to A) update the graphics to a more modern style or B) to make the game more accessible (read: purchasable) to a modern audience by bringing it to a modern console, I do not think that is reason enough to justify spending time and resources remaking something that already exists rather than putting those resources towards NEW GAMES.

retro games already exist. they are often difficult to access, but they are playable. they have always been playable. This trend of retro game remakes exists because game companies know this. They know that people want to play retro games and they know that there is a significant portion of the population who will not be stopped from playing retro games simply because they can no longer buy those games directly from the manufacturers. The secondhand market and the hacking and emulation scene is a profit loss for these companies and the existence of retro game remakes is a direct response to this. They are not remaking old games because they just can't stand the idea that you might have to look at a 16-bit sprite. they're doing it because they know most people would rather pay $60 for a remake than learn how to use ebay or godmode9. They refuse to sell the original product so that they can make more money selling you an "improved" version of the product while simultaneously taking down any attempt to archive and preserve the product as it originally was. they would rather destroy an original artistic vision than miss out on one singal dollar of presumed profit. it's an insult to both the consumer and the artists and writers who made the original games and it's infuriating that we're slowly seeing companies find more and more success in throttling access to games in their original forms.