definitely not pie

when i talk about my dreams ppl are always like “wow ur dreams are so amazing and coherent with cool plots” and I’m like well yeah bc I’m only giving you the synopsis. my dream about being a marine biologist exploring the oceans on the moon of a distant planet is really cool and plot-driven in the summary I give you that leaves out the part where the pilot of our spaceship was a professional Keanu Reeves impersonator but he wasn’t very good at it so his main job was piloting space ships but he wouldn’t stop pretending to be Keanu Reeves still

so cats, huh?

OKAY I WORK IN A FABRIC STORE AND ONE TIME THIS LITTLE OLD LADY CAME UP TO ME AND SLAMMED THE INDEPENDENCE DAY ONE DOWN ON THE COUNTER AND SAID, “THIS. THIS IS WHAT OUR COUNTRY NEEDS.”

I had an older man come into the fabric store that I used to work in and dropped 3 bolts of the firefighter one on my counter and said, “I need this. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with it, but I need it.” a man behind him then yelled, “Pyjamas!” and the first man said, “My husband recommends pyjamas.” 

Holy mother of hell

this is a huge reason why lesbians can go years just not figuring out that they aren’t attracted to men. when your whole understanding of attraction is “objectifying yourself to the point that you understand intimacy as a performance to be the perfect sexual object for a man” then the question of who and what you desire isn’t even being asked- let alone answered. 

Why is it?? That I can go through the whole day feeling fine and dandy but the second I lay down for bed impending doom settles on me?

woman seeking woman. i’m six feet tall, fashionable, and enjoy long walks through brackish estuary water off the coast of virginia

She’s our most famous cryptid 

The bae in the bay

The Chesapeake Bae

Ok but the other one is purring so hard

If I ever don’t reblog this assume I’m dead

YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT AND NOT PROVIDE A VIDEO

Hey, do you know that feeling of hitching up a long skirt so you don’t fall on your face when walking upstairs, and then you immediately become a wretched yet resolute Jane Austen character? It’s a universal thing, right?

It’s like resting a laundry basket against your hip and suddenly you’re a long-suffering peasant woman, wondering if you’ll survive the winter.

a shawl wrapped around the shoulders and you’re wandering the moors in a Brönte novel, feeling melancholic

Looking out the window at the rain and you’re a love-stricken newlywed wondering when your husband will return from the war.

Long skirt billowing behind you while to go down the stairs, you’re a proper Lady in a flowing ball gown being introduced at a fancy social function.

There is absolutely no way to predict this video

oh. ohhhhhhhhh. oh nooooooooooooooo

[A mom and baby otter are floating together. The baby otter is sleeping on his mom’s tummy so he’s still all dry and fluffy.  She keeps giving him little otter kisses.]

Now this is quality content.

my heart feels so warm seeing this

I will always reblog this. OTTERS!!!!

😭❤️

hail fucktopus