defensive qi

please subscribe to my new site and support me as i work towards owning my own domain.

i will no longer be posting on this tumblr site.

“The principle of nowness is very important to any effort to establish an enlightened society. You may wonder what the best approach is to helping society and how you can know that what you are doing is authentic and good. The only answer is nowness. The way to relax, or rest the mind in nowness, is through the practice of meditation. In meditation, you take an unbiased approach. You let things be as they are, without judgment, and in that way you yourself learn to be. —CHÖGYAM TRUNGPA RINPOCHE”

More Love Meditation Challenge Hosted by MindOasis register for the (free) challenge! Day 1 - Setting My Intention Even though I am a healing arts practitioner I still ache. Even though I assist in and aid in promoting relaxation, and work to comfort people in their experiences with their bodies, I am not always in tune with mine.

Even though I work on being grounded, as the basis of my career in the healing arts, I have not always been able to care for myself.

How do I bring myself back? How do I stay aligned? How do I discern what I need vs. what I can handle?

Simple, yet complex. I embrace the present moment, the nowness. Often, I find myself wrapped up. Either in the comforting or disturbing delusions of the past. Sometimes I am wrapped up in the promise of the future. The never-ending to-do list, when will I check off that next task? The future lifts me up like I am leaning forward in a swing set, waiting to jump off and not being able to appreciate the flight itself.

How can I make this simple?

In Buddhism, there is the concept of seeking refuge in the "Sangha" or the community. The community reminds you of your meditation practice and reminds you of the sacred interconnectedness we share. It reminds us to do the work and to be accountable for our inner worlds. When we are accountable for our inner worlds, not only can we find joy but we can also radiate that joy outward.

Find your people! The people who hold space for you but also tell you what you need to hear when you need to hear it.

I am challenging myself to sit and meditate daily for 30 days, I would not be able to do this alone. Nor should I.

Therefore, my intention for this challenge is "To Be of Benefit to Others". Because in service there is joy.

Alignment vs. Progressive Overload, a radical concept for yoga

Alignment is the trendy word for a seemingly more anatomy focused and safe yoga class. I have some concerns with that word and its usage. Many think that alignment is "the correct way to stand or perform a posture". My preference as someone who studies and works with the human body for a living?

Alignment is the way you are able to bring awareness, full attention, and focus to your body's position in space and connect with it.

Let's analyze tree pose for example. There is a yoga alignment myth in the community to avoid placing the foot directly on the side of the knee, which can be argued - is most people’s max range of motion.

Let’s break this down. The knee is a bicondylar joint, it functions to accommodate medial and lateral rotational forces in everyday motions, instead of entirely avoiding them. 

Telling someone to "avoid placing the foot on the knee" in tree pose reflects a misunderstanding and misrepresentation of how force affects the body. Holding your foot still on the knee exposes the knee to load. I’m not arguing that we should be jamming our feet into the sides of our knees with full force, but what if we could cultivate awareness and adapt our knee to the slight pressure of our feet while seeking balance and stability in tree pose?

This declaration of avoid placing the foot on the knee in tree pose subconsciously implies that force is dangerous and should be avoided. When in fact it cannot be avoided because we live on a planet that exposes us to force. Exposure to force comes with a reward! In return - we grow stronger.

Depending on the person, most of the time someone resting their foot on the knee is not enough force production to relate to injury. Lifters have known for ages that loading the body makes you stronger! So why do we avoid loaded stress in yoga and claim that our practice makes our bodies stronger?

Studying biomechanical forces blurs our understanding of doing a pose the right or wrong way. Biomechanics considers the benefits and risks of the forces involved in the position. Biomechanics considers what is happening in the pose on an individual level at that moment, rather than doing the pose the right way.

The body gets stronger through repetitions. Yoga is a beautiful practice, but the problem with postures from a strength perspective is that they are not progressive. “You do a pose with your body weight, it might be hard at first but then you get better at it the more you do it.” (Kathryn Bruni-Young, Mindful Strength Podcast) Once you’ve mastered the pose it doesn't go further than that. I will argue that progressive overload can be adapted into any yoga practice.

Progressive Overload is when you progressively add more weight (load) to what movement you are doing as time goes on. This is because you adapted to the weight you previously used, so now you increase the weight again to then stimulate more strength. You can also look at it as the weights you were doing got you stronger, so now you're going to increase the weight to challenge the body again and give it room to grow even stronger.

With loading, the variable is specific. That means your increments and progress can be tracked and measured. If you ever wonder why lifters carry a journal or spend time on their phone after every set, it’s because they are tracking the amount of weight they just did. It is simple, yet an efficient way to measure progress over time. 

My partner and I were going for a run around around our home back in 2020. As we reached the steps going down to the lake we made a single file and ran along the reflective blue lake. Running this path gives me such a sense of calm and ease. Like I am flying by the water. I can smell the woods surrounding me and feel the warmth of the sun, becoming my friend. The path we run on dumps out onto a beach with a picnic table, sandy, and a dock.

We sit on the dock and I guide my partner through a retention breathing meditation. Sometimes the meditation we did is called "Box Breathing", "Breath Retention", or "Throat Lock". Whatever you call it, when you are retaining the breath, you are stimulating the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve (largest nerve in the body) aids in communication and social engagement. It is the source of our connection to others. *Caution if you have any upper respiratory or other physical conditions please be gentle with yourself when doing breathwork. You may have a hard time at first, and frustrating feelings may arise. Please be gentle and know that you can tailor instruction to fit your comfort. Throat Lock Meditation (Seated) Length: 6 Minutes Warm Up Sit in comfortable position Inhale lengthen the spine Exhale perform a gentle twist or lateral stretch on both sides Repeat x3

Come back to center Box Breath Intro Inhale into the clavicles (collar bones) Hold the breath for a few seconds Exhale through the crown of the skull (This can feel like a push/pull force) Repeat x3 Throat Lock Activation Inhale into the collar bones Tuck the chin into chest (this is the "lock") Retain (hold) the breath in this position for a few seconds. (to start you may only be able to hold for 3-4 seconds, be gentle and release when your body is telling you to.) Exhale through the crown of the skull (top of the head) Repeat x3-5 Repeat One Box Breath Allow yourself to establish a normal breathing rhythm before opening the eyes and allowing the room/space to enter your line of vision. Notice how you feel. // *Click here for resources

(according to shiatsu)

Summer —  a time for joy, laughing, bitter taste, the smell of burning fires, energy that’s up and out, sweating and intense sensations, words that find you at the tip of the tongue, visible through a glowing complexion and healthy blood vessels.

Element: fire 🔥

When in harmony: excitement manifestation and expansion, good communication and empathy, active with the body and hands, celebration.

When in disharmony: collapse, fatigue, lack of clarity, poor communication, lack of empathy, mistrust, spiteful behavior, low energy, sedentary, depression or mania.

Pressure points to restore balance to your body and the energy of summer, maybe even beat the heat ~

I fell on the mountain. I fell on my upper back. I felt beaten up and bruised. This is how I took care of myself.

*this is not medical advice. this is an anecdotal case study on my personal healing.  *pls see your doctor if you are unwell or in crisis

Luckily, there were no serious abrasions. I was with a friend and they ensured I got home safe. 

This is how I healed from the fall and the steps I took in chronological order: day one

ibuprofen with a banana and water before bed

bed rest from night until early afternoon

gentle mindful movement flow after waking up

lightened work load

sleep early

day two

woke up early, more water less coffee than usual

integrated mindful movement flow (mobility & yoga mix)

meditate

slightly larger workload

hot shower

mindful movement gentle flow

sleep early

day three

woke up relatively early

mindful movement

massage

hot shower

applied Wu Yang Brand Pain Relieving Medicated Plaster

rest

gentle movement before bed

sleep early

Link to product & more information on how to apply/when not to apply! Active Ingredients:

Camphor 3%

Menthol 5%

Inactive Ingredients:

Angelica Dahurica Root

Butylated Hydroxytoluene

Cinnamon Oil

Dipsacus Asper Root

Dragon's Blood

Drynaria Fortunei Root

Gardenia Jasminoides Fruit

Ginger

Lanolin

Light Mineral Oil

Lonicera Japonica Flower

Methyl Salicylate

Myrrh

Natural Latex Rubber

Nepeta Tenuifolia Flowering Top

Petrolatum

Polyisobutylene

Rheum Officinale Root

Rosin, Safflower

Saposhnikovia Divaricata Root

Senegalia Catechu Wood

Taraxacum Mongolicum Whole

Zanthoxylum Nitidum Root

What does traveling light mean to you? Not checking your baggage? Not bringing your strife with you? *A portion of this post was submitted for college coursework.

My most ample baggage involves the mental afflictions that I’ve experienced. I began to pack it up tight and stop sharing it when I noticed that as I opened up to the people I was dating, they would retreat from their efforts in pursuing me. I learned to store that baggage so tightly, and as a result more accumulated, until it was impossible for it to not be apparent from the moment I would open my mouth. It was spilling out of me, like a volcano’s lava, like a stuffy nose after a netti pot. 

The Shamanic View of Mental Illness article nearly brought me to tears. I will attach it below. It was incredibly validating for someone experiencing severe mental illness. In the West, a sensitive being is an "overly sensitive" being. The concept of normal is so permeating in this country. It does so much more harm than good. I recognize my "mental illness" as my painful and necessary spiritual awakening. I have lost a loved one to this "illness" and suddenly became ill myself. Having a spiritual practice has helped me with my path in life. It has also enabled me to assist others in the reduction of their suffering and brought me back to be seated here and in this virtual classroom. 

At best, in the West, if you suddenly become "mentally ill" you could get a Harvard-educated psychologist who believes that your psychosis is a coping mechanism and a response to a chain of events that were subjectively experienced as traumatic and resulted in an escape from reality. At best, you could find yourself, with enough money and privilege, “being with”.

"Being with" is defined as a professional that is developing empathy and forging a relationship based on acceptance and validation of the subjective aspects of the psychotic experience and communicating that the psychosis was understandable within the historical context of the individual. At worst, you can be completely invalidated, hurt, and left to your own devices with a team of mental health professionals that strongly believe that you are a pathological specimen. You are something that needs to stop. At worst, as I was labeled many times before, "a lost cause".

The Dagara tradition believes that mental illness is the birth of a healer. In the West, we have no coming-of-age ritual. We are lost, meandering between the cycles of our lives in a meaningless pit of routines and busy work. The Dagara believe that symptoms of psychosis are "good news from the other world". That there are two incompatible energies merged into the same field (Dr. Some). In the Dagara tradition, the community helps the person reconcile the energies of both worlds. Spirit and earth.

This brings me to the idea of traveling light. How is this possible for one struggling with intense mental strife? Is there a coat check for the emotional baggage we carry within ourselves? Or do we each have to work at our own coat check for a while and sort through piles of hoarded attachments?

In addition to mental distress, I have been noticing strange symptoms that were confirmed to me as not being at ease in my body, mind, and spirit. I spent much of this winter healing, being of service to my community, and allowing my body to rest. To winter. To truly winter. Despite the pressures to keep up with modern life, I was allowing myself to say no. 

People often believe that the descent into madness is always frightening and vicious. Yet when I descended into the cenote in Tulum, I was greeted by living and wild bats, echoing and diving amongst each other and the deep blue water.

I believed for years that my descent into madness made me more interesting. I feared, often, that without it I would amount to nothing. That I was just a scared soul, with no purpose. Was my purpose actually to explore my descent with others? To share insights and hopefully help others climb out of the pits of darkness? The depths of my mind often resemble the cenote I visited that day in Tulum. A beautiful green mossy exterior, and with a sudden glance a steep pit with a ladder. As you descent the air around you begins to dampen and cool. And then in the murkiness is a stunning portal to this other dark world. A world which to you might be uninhabitable, is the reality of my situation. Defining the laws of what’s acceptable and diving into the expression of authenticity and making connections not based on outwardly formalities but deep inner workings and expressions of self. 

I hope this post finds you well. 

I have been very disconnected from my center and the feeling of my reach. Honestly, I might even be feeling discouraged. Summer has been slow. I am creating a private practice from the ground up and it's been a struggle. I am, however, grateful for the support I have received from community. But I will not sugar coat, because I've been feeling really low. 

The past few weeks I have been met with endless frustrations, deadlines, more deadlines after those deadlines, and embarrassing moments on the phone and between verbal communications. Meditation is a practice that feels great when everything is going well, yet how many of us turn to the cushion (floor/chair/etc.) whenever we are upset? When we are disconnected from center? When we feel stressed, rushed, or afraid? How many of us hang on to fear as an excuse from following our authentic path? How many of us forget to pause before reacting when we really feel at our lowest.  How many of us can genuinely close our eyes in a moment of fear or aversion and like what we see in ourselves? 

“When qualities of kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness are applied toward the suffering of others, they manifest as compassion. When they’re applied to our own suffering, they manifest as self-compassion. When they’re directed toward others’ positive qualities, they manifest as mudita: sympathetic joy. And when they’re directed toward our own positive qualities, they manifest as self-appreciation."

       —Kristin Neff

There was a pretty significant thunderstorm in my area a few days ago that brought down numerous trees. The trees were planted as adults by humans, meaning their roots were not deep enough to withstand the tumultuous winds. Similarly, when we are not rooted in our practice, we are not rooted in our lives. I have been feeling tumultuous, with the anticipation of warmer weather, the urge for my school semester to be over, the urge to complete one task and move on to the next. In this I miss the purpose of it all, of my practice. To just be. To be present and one with my obligations. To root myself firmly to this earth and know I belong. To experience that true and honest joy for others.  I have been teaching Mudita (sympathetic joy) on my own platform and on another hosting platform, in addition to being in full time school and starting a private practice for massage therapy. I created this reality for myself and I have to keep pinching myself to make sure it is real. What a joy it is. 

Teaching is interesting. You just know just a couple of specific things, and you share with others. If you think about it, everyone is our teacher. Everyone knows something we don’t, and vice versa. As I type this I sit across from my partner who is encapsulated by a new book about branding. He will soon know more than me on the topic and teach it to me.

The most fascinating subject I have been studying this semester, is not a psychology class, it is my intro level statistics class. It inspired me to write this poem (the coin flips especially). I began dictating which gym I got to on what day simply by flipping a coin. We are always gathering data and trying to make plausible sense of it: the bonds that unite us destroy us and there yet, the sacred Aquarius to the spacious Sagittarius the coin flips and i do not know the rest of your chart i'm a witch, in the night but i do not practice the dark arts my ancestors fought for the medicine and the alchemy of the ancients to be preserved. yet, why does your presence make me feel so unnerved? every night i speak to my inner child but it's more than that there's an aspect we like to forget that is more painful than seeing us harming the inner child it is who is doing the harming it is our shadow the shadow arts are no small fleet it takes bravery, courage, and above all nothing to lose to make peace with one's shadow the ones who try and fail are alarmed by the awful screeches of their shadow as soon as they close their eyes but those who listen, keep their eyes closed keep inquiring more about the source of the pain the shadow will remain, but a friend you will gain

Thank you those who have followed out of genuine interest. It warms my heart. Since the pandemic I came to the realization that I cannot just wait around for my old job to call me back. It breaks my heart because I loved that job and learned a lot from my colleagues and patients. During the height of lock down I truly went inward and discovered my authentic passions. I am currently enrolled in college on track for a psychology degree. 

I have many blogs planned in a folder, however, out of courtesy I ask you to be patient for more blog content. I love to edit, proof, and ask for opinions before I post. I take it very seriously and it’s hard to run blogs when I have multiple weekly writing and reading assignments.

I am excited for winter break, as I have many blogs planned to post, many books planned to read, and many winter wonderlands to explore. 

Please remember to take care of yourselves, especially when times get hard. Always say no to things that do not fill your needs, even if it is a half no. Create healthy boundaries and explore the things that light you up with authentic joy.

See you really soon!

Love,

The past month I attended an online meditation course by my teacher Gina. It was about the practice of Loving Kindness among other things. Loving kindness, or Metta has been a practice I’ve been familiar with through my studies with her. While this quarantine brought upon suffering, unease, uncertainty, and dis-regulation, I found myself turning to my practice as a crutch. Maybe, this was the wrong view. Maybe, I need to practice meditation as a daily preventative medicine. 

When the dog chewed up my microphone filter, my first gut reaction was to be upset. However, all I could do was bring myself to laugh and say, “I’m so happy you enjoyed my microphone filter as a chew toy dog, I really wasn’t using that one anyway.” 

That is the practice of Mudita. Mudita is pure joy cultivated for another being, without self-interest. It is easy to scroll down Instagram these days, and have our fill of beautiful people living beautiful lives. Watch your jealousy, watch your anger. Where does it arise from? 

Something that was difficult for me during this pandemic was gym closure. I don’t have much of a knack for partying or going out anymore. Instead, I love the gym. The gym is where I become an athlete. It is where I am serious about my training yet at the same time I can be involved in the betterment of the community. With that gone, I was heartbroken. Then, I saw an influencer post a video of her in her “struggle bus” of a home gym. It was beautiful. She had everything I could ever need. Yet, she was still experiencing “the struggle bus”. My first grasping thought was focused around self-centered-ness. If only I had that…. But it doesn’t matter what we have, at the end of the day our mindset is everything. I carried on my home workouts with a bunch of equipment I was fortunate enough to obtain. 

Thinking to myself instead, “I am so happy she is able to train and keep honing her craft in her home gym.” That’s it. Not what’s in it for me? Not, “maybe I’ll have that some day”. Just noticing how happy you can become when you repeat a mantra like that to yourself. 

The stigma against Bipolar Disorder exists mostly on a subconscious level between the patient and the person who lacks understanding about the nature of the condition. The stigma around bipolar not only exists to those who have not been diagnosed and whose irrational behavior can be explained by it, but to those who are diagnosed and believe that their illness is not a medical condition, but rather a personality flaw, easily curable by "thinking it away". It is with acts of ignorance and lack of will to understand that this community is affected. From being denied amenities like life insurance, individuals being encouraged to apply for disability without extensive medication treatment, and on the most personal level, friends and family turning their back on the individual, we are still somehow focusing on complaining on the negative side effects of medication rather than stressing that living with mania and depression, is no life at all.

When you are manic, you are in the passenger seat of your own body and mind. It is as if you suddenly put on a blind fold and your whole world just became a game of hitting the piñata. Except, the blind fold does not come off after striking. I have been cursed as well as blessed, with Bipolar Disorder Type One since I was seventeen. Cursed, because most of the experience was terrifying. Blessed, because it led me to the path of authenticity I am on now. As a young adult, I was very easily swayed and influenced by my peers, who believed medications for my disorder were unnecessary. The community I volunteered for sold a book about it in their bookstore. Being on the opposite side, I now see the damage I caused to myself and interpersonal relationships by refusing treatment.

I have also seen the effects of untreated bipolar disorder. It ended in suicide. New evidence suggest bipolar is neurodegenerative, meaning if left untreated, it worsens over time. Bipolar is the disordered chemical function in the brain of neurotransmitters. It has been proven to be biological and genetic. Yet, when I want to apply for life insurance to improve my quality of life in the future, I am forced to label it as a mental disorder. And I get denied. My medications are labeled "anti-psychotic", which is the same as the slur people would use to describe me when they could not comprehend my manic state. In order to make the bipolar community feel more supported, we should start with changing our language and do the work of shedding our biases.

Millions are medicated for this disorder and have adapted their lifestyle to become healthy. It is possible to be stable. When you ask those who feel stable the difference is that they will stress compliance with their medication, extensive therapy, working on their mood and reactions daily, and having a strong understanding support system.  Yet somehow life expectancy is less for people with bipolar, doesn't that sound like a chronic condition? Life expectancy is rising for the general population, yet people with severe mental illnesses are not catching up with it. It is our responsibility, as a collective, as people, to know that our actions, words, and how we treat other people matters. Let us inform people about mental disorders, how common they are, and that the people who develop them are loved. Let us mind the gap in mortality before we come together to close it.

post created by @slavstrong instagram

Let's talk about lymph because I think it's time to talk about it more!! I've been studying Manual Lymphatic Drainage and I am on my way to get certified in it... (this is currently on pause due to the current state of the union).

What is the lymphatic transport system? It's the brita filter of the blood. It plays a crucial role in the circulation of fluids in the body. Interstitial fluid or lymphatic load is the fluid that accumulates in the body. This is mostly composed of cellular waste, plasma proteins, toxins, cancer cells, dyes, coals, dissolved gases, and other pathogens. The lymphatic system protects the body from substances that are foreign or no longer recognized as self. The lymphatic system consists of immunity response (B Cells & T Cells) and collector vessels that transport interstitial fluid into the lymph nodes to be broken down. The deep lymphatic vessels are pumped by muscular movement and do not have their own pump (like the blood has the heart). This is why movement is so important. Our fluids need to circulate and be filtered peeps!

What is Manual Lymphatic Drainage? It is a specific form of manual therapy that uses an ounce of pressure of purposeful touch to stimulate the flow of superficial lymphatic vessels. The stretch is applied toward a specific lymph node or group of ducts. It is slow and very repetitive. The benefits of MLD are numerous. First and foremost in increases the volume of lymph in an area, which  in turn increases the removal of toxin and cellular waste. This means that it increases the activity of lymphocytes and indirectly stimulates the circulatory system. It is applicable for overall sense of wellness, detox from exposure of medication (chelation or chemotherapy), prevention and immunity boost, regeneration for improving the condition of the skin. MLD is especially applicable to reduce edema or fluid retention and bloating from pregnancy, surgery, being overweight, or PMS.

Why is MLD important? Lymphatic Drainage is crucial to the prevention of profound systemic edema. The lymphatic system has no "pump" such as the heart moving the blood. Deep vessels rely on muscular motion to move fluid. The superficial vessels (closer to the skin) are directly affected and stimulated easier through the application of manual lymphatic drainage.

What is Lymphedema? First we must understand that there are different types of edema (swelling/pooling of liquids)

Lymphodynamic Edema is where MLD therapists can apply their techniques. This means that the functioning lymphatics are overwhelmed. It consists of low protein caused by high-volume of fluid flooding the tissue (from trauma or surgery).

Lymphostatic Edema or Lymphedema is when lymphatics are not functioning properly; it consists of high protein edema where fluids, drawn by the protein molecule, accumulate gradually and remain in the tissue. Therapists with only an MLD practice CANNOT treat lymphedema. To receive MLD these patients MUST see a CERTIFIED LYMPHEDEMA THERAPIST or CLT. Some Massage Therapists are CLT, however, they have to undergo a more rigorous training and certification process than MLD therapists.

(Lymphedema can present) Pathology Stats: -at birth or begins at puberty, later also possible -affects both women (87%) and men (13%) -genetic -usually affects lower extremities -often bilateral  -can take YEARS to diagnose (onset usually gradual) -lymph node dissection and radiation therapy- cancer treatment -trauma or accidents (lacerations, burns, bone fractures where the surrounding lymphatic structure is damaged) -obesity (LE presentation)  

"At Risk Factors" for post Cancer treatments: -extended air travel (decompression of cabin) -extended rigorous activity -hot baths/sauna -puncture wounds/infection -blood pressure readings on affected limb -massage

Treatment for Lymphedema is maintenance. There is no cure. Treatments used are MLD, Compression Garments (Day, Night, even when they are swimming), and Compassion. To really be able to help others, we need to put ourselves in their place and meet them on a common ground of understanding.

The ability to calmly reflect may be one of the most underdeveloped of professional skills. Reflection helps us work smarter; reflection helps us bring our values into our actions...                                                                   —Susan R. Komives

A required skill of my profession is the ability to soothe people with my presence. There is no way I can be of that kind of service to anyone, if I myself feel turbulence beneath my feet. Self development is a vital aspect of self-care, and there are many preaching the wonders of meditation. However, the notion that self development or if you prefer the term, "spirituality", is the cure all of all psychological aliments then you a grandly mistaken.

This can appear in the form of "positive thinking only" or all negative emotions such as anger, sadness, etc are only harmful and one should “be free from it”. Don't get me wrong, finding comfort in spiritual teachings, alternative medicine, and community support is a wonderful thing. However, there is a fine line between alternative and safe. Is your community encouraging facing your problems? Are they encouraging harnessing your energy to best resolve your issues? Are they giving you proper resources for health care providers that have your best interest? If no, you may need to reevaluate the company you keep.

Furthermore, a group preaching the dangers of negative thoughts is ten times more powerful than a single individual telling you it is all in your head. When you are a part of a group, spiritual or not, you are influenced in your decisions by the need to feel accepted and heard. When a group is hinting that you should rid yourself of negative emotions or thoughts beware. Negativity is unavoidable. It will come up time and time again. Learning how to cope with the balance of good and bad in your life is the smarter approach.

I myself, was a victim of spiritual bypassing.

Spiritual bypassing can be defined as "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks".

I was involved in a meditation group that questioned the existence of my medical diagnosis. They sold a book in their store about overcoming it without medication. People encouraged me to not take required treatments and in result this lead to years of setbacks in my personal and professional development. They stressed the importance of meditating daily and learning and applying emptiness into my daily life. This alone would be enough to “cure” me. 

[side note: emptiness is an advanced Buddhist teaching that many teachers do not think applies to modern Western life and can be dangerous if wrongly interpreted]

After, recovering I've learned a new meaning of meditation. As more research is done, science is discovering the power of the diaphragm with mindful breath and vagus nerve connection with associated meditation techniques. You can always find a method that speaks to your personal truth. For me it was a combination of science mixed with a sense of universal truth and connection with my roots. 

Through this experience I have learned that meditation is not about riding yourself of all negativity, however, it is the practice of sitting with your mind and body and finding a connection to your personal truth amidst the chaos of life.

Hope this finds you well, and if you think you are experiencing spiritual bypassing please reach out to a professional for guidance. If you have dealt with this in the past, feel free to reach out to me for support. 

Today, I felt clarity through my nasal cavities as I ran up the hill, on the path headed towards the lake. The breath work I've been doing has been increasing my lung capacity and my runs have been getting easier.

My partner was by my side. We have been adjusting to a new way of life, due to recent current events, and have been stepping on each others toes. We took some personality assessments and discovered quirks about each other that were confirmed by being together for almost 3 years. This gave us a game plan on how to treat each other in times of conflict and habits we currently have that are insensitive to the other. The funny thing is we almost dropped some serious cash we can't really spend on a couple's therapy session, only to be reminded what we could already pin point about each other in less than 15 minutes. Our powerlifting coach mentioned seeking personality assessments, to learn more about ourselves in relation to others. It's pretty profound, in a matter of minutes we related to each other in a healthy way and set boundaries we had trouble setting before.  (*Not saying to just drop the idea of psychotherapy all for a personality test, however, consider how you can take responsibility for the way you treat others. Please continue seeing your therapist if you have one.)

*Click here for resources