universe - hollanov - @creativepromptsforwriting - word count: 532 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3
Shane has never understood the game 'fuck, marry, kill.' The concept is barbaric at best, and illegal at worst. Plus, those aren't the only options in life, right? It's...stupid! But somehow, it's one of the most popular topics of conversation in the locker room, especially on days where practice has gone well and the guys are in good moods.
The thing is, it's a strangely...progressive game, in a weird way. Because for some reason, for a room full of people who can be super homophobic, none of the guys shy away from throwing genders other than girls into the mix. It's always for the shock factor, yes, but Shane can almost appreciate the attempt at inclusion.
For example, "Fuck, marry, kill....Barrett, Hunter, Kent," one guy throws out, an evil grin on his face.
And everyone answers without so much as a blink!
The consensus is that most would marry Hunter–he's not a jerk so he'd be fine to live with, and he seems like a sexless being. They'd kill Kent because he's a jerk and he's a good hockey player, so it's killing two birds with one stone. And that leaves Barrett.
"He's got a pretty-boy thing going for him," one of the guys points out. "And he's a little short. Could pretend he's a girl."
They all murmur in agreement as Shane questions how he's landed in the universe he's in. Luckily, none of them pressure him to answer.
But it's when "Rozanov, Marleau, Charmichael" is thrown out that all eyes turn directly to Shane and sweat appears on his hairline.
Suddenly, his brain is working overtime. Because…what's the innocent thing to say? The straight thing to say? The 'I-hate-Rozanov-and-I'm-not-fucking-him-and-certainly-not-his-boyfriend' thing to say?
He swallows, trying to keep his poker face. Well, it seems like overkill to kill Ilya, right? Plus, he may not be overly superstitious but he is a hockey player, and he doesn't want to take the chance of putting bad vibes into the air. So he first says, "Kill Marleau. He gave me a fucking concussion." Internally, he apologizes to Ilya for killing his best friend, but he supposes it's for a good reason. The group titters, so he thinks he's passed the first round.
But...fuck. He can't say he'd fuck Ilya! That's too obvious! Maybe he should...he grimaces dramatically. "Fuck, can I kill two people?"
"Not part of the game, buddy! Have to follow the rules!" Comeau says jovially, clapping him on the shoulder.
He pretends to grimace. "Fine. But I'm not fucking Rozanov." He determinedly avoids Hayden's gaze as he says that, because he's not sure he can keep himself in check.
"Ha! So you'll marry him then?" one of the guys calls, obviously amused.
So Shane rolls his eyes, thinking on his feet. "We can practice against each other every day. I'd learn all his weaknesses."
And everyone murmurs in appreciation, filling Shane with relief. He’s made it through.
It's only later, when Shane checks his phone, that he feels himself blush.
Lily: Pike says you told team you will marry me.
Lily: I do not remember engagement.
Lily: Very eager, Hollander.
Oh, Shane's going to kill Hayden.
