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Cave man who sits at the mouth of the cave during thunderstorms bc he likes horror movies vs pretentious cave man in the back saying shit like 'jump scares not true horror'

innocent straight laced business man looking to inject some fun and whimsy in to his every day office wardrobe googles "frog tie" and discovers a whole new world beyond his imagination

i do love stories that start out with the protagonist going "hi!👋 😃 i am such a normal guy. the most average person ever.😄 an average joe even. i have no friends or enemies. i spend my time reading books and sing to myself on occasions. nothing to see here! ^^" and it turns out that not only are they a liar but also the most fucked up person ever. and a cunt

Kidnapped and experimented on by aliens but I was in the control group so nothing happened

This is much funnier than switching Hamlet and Othello.

reading a romance novel where the protagonist feels the need to stop and inform that audience that it's okay for her, a 27 year old, to hook up with a 31 year old because despite the age difference both of their brains are fully developed. the Discourse really has done incalculable damage.

that's...they're adults 4 years apart, who on Earth would think there's any sort of meaningful age gap

#you know those posts that are like. pulling up a small weed and discovering it's attached to a root system that wraps around the sewer line.#this is one of those.

had a terrifying encounter yesterday when i offhandedly said "it's always hot to be covered in blood" and the person i was talking to was like "hm. fascinating that you believe that. let's dig into that." i'd forgotten there really are people who don't intuitively understand the eroticism of being blood-soaked. stay safe out there

"i like your tattoos" theyd look better on your bedroom floor

hey I'm sorry I stopped in the middle of that sentence my brain decided to flush its cache and I totally forgot what this conversation was

*in a fight* you’re just jealous that my blood gets to go wherever it wants and yours is stuck inside your stupid veins