honestly, The Onion isn't even pure bullshit anymore, just a year or two Too Early. ..
DEAR READER
Claire Keane
Cosmic Funnies

Love Begins

pixel skylines

â
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
todays bird
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
trying on a metaphor
noise dept.

çĽćĽ / Permanent Vacation

Discoholic đŞŠ
Keni
we're not kids anymore.

Kaledo Art
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@darnlizardpost
honestly, The Onion isn't even pure bullshit anymore, just a year or two Too Early. ..

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What am I doing in my wardrobe?
Well, thatâs Narnia business.
I think you mean in ur closet ;)
ah yes, my train of thought, or as i like to call it, the Anxiety Express
closeted gays be like: I canât get my wisdom teeth removed because what if they give me laughing gas and I accidentally come out
*spongebob narrator voice* ah.. zee mortifying ordeal of being known

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âYou should never bottle up your emotions,â I say, kicking seventeen Emotion Bottles⢠under the carpet.
the thing all sherlock holmes adaptations get wrong is making the guy an irredeemable asshole who treats everyone like shit . not only is it not reflective of the original stories they miss that ânice, smart, well mannered dude who snorts coke when he needs to thinkâ is possibly the funniest character ever devisedÂ
I feel like the modern equivalent is that guy you think is super well put together until you find out exactly how much red bull he ingests on a regular basis.
Modern Sherlock is that very nice English Professor-seeming guy who you bring a problem and while walking from the door of his office to his desk he starts explaining the entire solution you need
And upon reaching his desk heâs like âExcuse me one moment.â and pulls out one of those huge Monster canisters they legally arenât allowed to make anymore, cracks the whole thing, chugs it, takes a deep breath, and then nods at you and is like âAlright, and then what you need to do isâŚâ
Imagine how much better the dynamic of bbc sherlock could have been if they did this.
Double sherlock posts, sorry đ¤ˇââď¸
things sherlock holmes has canonically done:
scrapbooked the hell out of his newspapers
put on a hat that was too big for himÂ
giggled
cried because lestrade was nice to him
got all sappy and romantic by smelling a rose
let a puppy lead him on adventures
âimpish moodâ
lit his pipe with an ember from the fireplace because he thought it looked cool
feel free to add to this
built a pillow fort in a clientâs house
told a guy he was giving him secret government documents and then gave him a book about bees instead
told watson stories about his past solely to avoid cleaning his room
oh i almost forgot
decorated his room with pictures of famous criminals
Ordered a picnic for a pair of newlyweds
Was offended that Watson doesnât praise his skills as a housekeeper
Waived his fee if his clients are too poor to pay him
Made hot chocolate to wake Watson up on a cold morning
Danced around and bowed to imaginary friends
âFlushed up with pleasureâ when being praised
Wouldnât explain how he comes to conclusions because he was worried Watson would think he is ordinary
Grabs Watsonâs hand when heâs frightened
Let another puppy lead him on adventures.
WHERE ARE YALL GETTING THIS/1!!1!!!????!?
Leaped over furniture like a gazelle.
â˘Shook hands with a baby :,}
my mom: itâs really not good to eat past sunset me, whose circadian rhythms have aligned with a nearby raccoonâs: your rules donât apply here
I wish that I could hug whoever made this.
PRO CHOICE
the last time i reblogged this i got an angry anon. letâs try this again, shall we?
PRO CHOICE IS PRO WOMEN
the forced birth movement needs to go down

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man: has anyone ever told you youâre beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papĂ forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity
 âhi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?â
âyeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?â
âabsolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?â
âuuuuuh hold onâ
*fishes something out of my pocket*
âmikey what do i do?â
âget the fries. youll need the energy in the coming daysâ
*stuffs it back in my pocket*
âuhh yes please  the meal would be greatâ
serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?
this is like Schrodingerâs fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half itâs visible
LESBIAN RIGHTS GAY RIGHTS BI RIGHTS TRANS RIGHTSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHTS TO EVERY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WONDERFUL AND UNIQUE PERSON WHO CALLS THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY THEIR HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE ALL SO FR*CKING VALID!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!! PRIDE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can these directors please learn to use dark palettes without making all the details in the shots imperceiveable? I canât fucking see!!!
the characters: go into a darker room me:
this is by far the funniest thing tht could have been added to this post
More like
I fixed it
and then thereâs next level hell
When you have to sneak around like a goddamn spykid so you donât wake anyone up on your way to midnight snack time
canât forget that spider walk down the stairs
Oh hell yes, avoiding creaky ass floorboards tryna rat your ass out

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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When you have to sneak around like a goddamn spykid so you don't wake anyone up on your way to midnight snack time
This is a TREE APPRECIATION POST,
if you donât love trees get OUTA HERE.
THX FOR THE OXYGEN YOU BIG, SEXY OAFSđđđł