??? @darnlizardpost - Tumblr Blog

honestly, The Onion isn't even pure bullshit anymore, just a year or two Too Early. ..

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fruit-noodles

What am I doing in my wardrobe?

Well, that’s Narnia business.

darnlizardpost

I think you mean in ur closet ;)

tiredbtw

ah yes, my train of thought, or as i like to call it, the Anxiety Express

chaoticbisexualalien-deactivate

closeted gays be like: I can’t get my wisdom teeth removed because what if they give me laughing gas and I accidentally come out

tyhplosion

*spongebob narrator voice* ah.. zee mortifying ordeal of being known

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xsuggestion

“You should never bottle up your emotions,” I say, kicking seventeen Emotion Bottles™ under the carpet.

nyctosaurid

the thing all sherlock holmes adaptations get wrong is making the guy an irredeemable asshole who treats everyone like shit . not only is it not reflective of the original stories they miss that “nice, smart, well mannered dude who snorts coke when he needs to think” is possibly the funniest character ever devised

aerialsquid

I feel like the modern equivalent is that guy you think is super well put together until you find out exactly how much red bull he ingests on a regular basis.

domicileensnared

Modern Sherlock is that very nice English Professor-seeming guy who you bring a problem and while walking from the door of his office to his desk he starts explaining the entire solution you need

And upon reaching his desk he’s like “Excuse me one moment.” and pulls out one of those huge Monster canisters they legally aren’t allowed to make anymore, cracks the whole thing, chugs it, takes a deep breath, and then nods at you and is like “Alright, and then what you need to do is…”

younggayanddoingokay

Imagine how much better the dynamic of bbc sherlock could have been if they did this.

darnlizardpost

Double sherlock posts, sorry 🤷‍♀️

shaneofaragon

things sherlock holmes has canonically done:

scrapbooked the hell out of his newspapers

put on a hat that was too big for him

giggled

cried because lestrade was nice to him

got all sappy and romantic by smelling a rose

let a puppy lead him on adventures

“impish mood”

lit his pipe with an ember from the fireplace because he thought it looked cool

feel free to add to this

unnonexistence

built a pillow fort in a client’s house

told a guy he was giving him secret government documents and then gave him a book about bees instead

told watson stories about his past solely to avoid cleaning his room

unnonexistence

oh i almost forgot

decorated his room with pictures of famous criminals

tiger-in-the-flightdeck

Ordered a picnic for a pair of newlyweds

Was offended that Watson doesn’t praise his skills as a housekeeper

Waived his fee if his clients are too poor to pay him

Made hot chocolate to wake Watson up on a cold morning

Danced around and bowed to imaginary friends

‘Flushed up with pleasure’ when being praised

Wouldn’t explain how he comes to conclusions because he was worried Watson would think he is ordinary

Grabs Watson’s hand when he’s frightened

Let another puppy lead him on adventures.

tollhobbit-deactivated20250119

WHERE ARE YALL GETTING THIS/1!!1!!!????!?

shaneofaragon

thescienceofjohnlock

Leaped over furniture like a gazelle.

thedrawingduke

•Shook hands with a baby :,}

eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2

my mom: it’s really not good to eat past sunset me, whose circadian rhythms have aligned with a nearby raccoon’s: your rules don’t apply here

dicksantorum-2012-blog

I wish that I could hug whoever made this.

jadesisland-hiatus-blog-blog

PRO CHOICE

fcobro

the last time i reblogged this i got an angry anon. let’s try this again, shall we?

frnkieroismydaddy

PRO CHOICE IS PRO WOMEN

bnprime

the forced birth movement needs to go down

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eulaalia-deactivated20170111

man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity

grimeclown

“hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please the meal would be great”

texcritterspizzajamboree

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

meme-loving-stuck

this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible

i-am-a-fish

LESBIAN RIGHTS GAY RIGHTS BI RIGHTS TRANS RIGHTSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHTS TO EVERY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WONDERFUL AND UNIQUE PERSON WHO CALLS THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY THEIR HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE ALL SO FR*CKING VALID!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!! PRIDE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hundondestiny

Can these directors please learn to use dark palettes without making all the details in the shots imperceiveable? I can’t fucking see!!!

vivaciousarcanist

the characters: go into a darker room me:

hundondestiny

this is by far the funniest thing tht could have been added to this post

electronictragedy

More like

graham-folger

I fixed it

adrianfridge

and then there’s next level hell

darnlizardpost

When you have to sneak around like a goddamn spykid so you don’t wake anyone up on your way to midnight snack time

bi-bean-queen

can’t forget that spider walk down the stairs

darnlizardpost

Oh hell yes, avoiding creaky ass floorboards tryna rat your ass out

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

When you have to sneak around like a goddamn spykid so you don't wake anyone up on your way to midnight snack time

i-am-a-fish

This is a TREE APPRECIATION POST,

if you don’t love trees get OUTA HERE.

THX FOR THE OXYGEN YOU BIG, SEXY OAFS💗💗🌳

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