Something clever to make you like me

The Daily Show, October 20, 2015

But that’s good enough.

i walked into health and screamed and the teacher goes “you’re the 7th person today. they’re cpr dummies.”

Stoner Confessions (via imgur)

like what do you do with already liquid tea? Microwave it?

Humans can’t even handle having different skin colors how well do you really think that would go

I feel old…

•if he disrespects his mom •if he disrespects blue collar workers •if he doesn’t tip or leaves loose pennies •if he is mean to animals •if he doesn’t touch you in public •if he won’t tell his friends about you •if he says “I’ve never been with a ____ girl before.” •if he won’t address his female friends by name instead just calls them “a friend” •if all his exes “are psycho” •if he’s never worked a day in his life •if he chooses a drug over spending time with you •if he disagrees with feminism •if he’s white and he throws around the N word •if he isn’t proud of what you do •if he makes rape jokes •if you tell him you haven’t shaved down there and he quickly changes his mind about giving you oral •if he chooses the music or movies without asking what you think •if he voluntarily shows up late to pick you up •if you catch yourself googling “what is an abusive relationship?”