Waving Through a Window

“Right?” Dirk agreed with a bit of a laugh. “My parents thought they got over the worst of it when I came here and told them wizards don’t do ice hockey and then I went and joined the Quidditch team. I think my mum had a minor heart attack.” It was all a case of perspective and understanding. To muggles who didn’t get to see first-hand the incredible healing potential of magic, Dirk could understand how the potential for destruction was made more terrifying. Only the anxious realisation that flickered across Bertram’s face made Dirk aware of what both of them had just revealed to each other without thinking. For his own part, Dirk was usually so careful but he didn’t like to lie to other muggleborns or pretend he didn’t share their experiences so the fact that he and Bertram had never had such a conversation before, nor the fact that Brianne was stood behind Bertram biting her lip but eyes closed in relief that the slip hadn’t been costly to her friend, had passed him by.

Dirk listened with a reassuring smile, open to helping Bertram with whatever he was so nervous to ask for. The eventual question, however, was so far from what Dirk had expected that he blinked in shock. “What? No. I mean… ¡Ay!, that came out harsh.” He closed his eyes, beating himself up for how quickly the rejection had come out but at a complete loss as to how to explain that the idea of dating was so alien to him or that there was only one person he could see himself with. He definitely didn’t feel he knew Bertram well enough.

Bertram, too worried about the possibility that he was boring Dirk with facts about his life, remained oblivious to what he just revealed. Bless his soul. Instead, he pressed on. “Oh, I didn’t even tell my parents about Quidditch.” Surprisingly for muggles with a wizard for a son, his parents showed no curiosity as to what the wizarding world was like, even if Bertram gave them no reason that he would be anything less than credible. Everything just seemed so fantastical and explaining how some aspects worked just gave both sides migraines as Bertram fail to explain it well and his parents fail to comprehend. Bertram would have pressed on if Dirk hadn’t asked about his real intentions.

“Oh,” Bertram’s face fell. His knees stopped shaking. Instead, he felt frozen in place. The sound that escaped from Bertram next could only be described as a pathetic splice between a wheeze and a forced laugh. “No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have... I mean, I don’t even know if you were... if you liked boys - I mean! I didn’t want to ask or assume but I guess asking you on a date anyway was like me assuming,,, but I thought it would be better if...  but of course not! In hindsight, I was just being stupid...” Bertram rambled, his thoughts incoherent. He has resorted to gesticulating, with his hand movements getting bigger and bigger. Panicked eyes turned to Brie asking for help, but he didn’t quite know what she can exactly do to help him at this point.

“Well -”

Xanthus finally managed to get a hold of the picture that Bertram had dropped several times by now, and he looked at it with great scrutiny. Sure, it was a little embarrassing, but it was a good picture and he’d be proud to show it off! “My hair’s a little messy, but otherwise I think it’s a nice - oh, you don’t want to see it anyway?”

He glanced up as the boy stood, tilting his head. Few people around the campus had yet to see Xanthus shirtless, so he couldn’t fathom why Bertram was so put off by the idea. Maybe he didn’t like men at all? What a shame! He was nervous and a little shy, but he seemed like a sweetheart. 

It only took him a minute to grab the rest of the photos and stack them up, sliding them back into his portfolio. “Sorry - I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable,” said Xanthus, truly apologetic as he fastened the portfolio closed. “Let me know if I’m ever making you feel weird, okay? I know I can push people’s buttons, but… I don’t want to hurt anybody.”

It was a nice picture! Bertram even thought that it was really nice. Or perhaps that was just his infatuation talking since he had no reliable standard on what a good photograph was. “No, thank you,” was all he said, still refusing to look at the Ravenclaw’s topless photo. He’d feel too guilty, knowing that he’d be looking at it with not the best intentions.

“You say that like five isn’t a lot! I don’t know how you get anything done with all of them in your head.” It was still very clear she was joking, a smile playing across her face and fondness for her friend in her eyes, as all final thoughts of who she had recently been (possibly still was?) crushing on fled from her own mind. “That sounds terrible. Not learning Russian, although, if it’s not going to just drop into my head and I’ll immediately be fluent, then I don’t want to learn it! But teaching somebody else how we can talk to each other? That sounds way too much hard work when I’m sure I can find plenty of decent blokes who already speak English.”

“I’ll have you know that five is a perfectly reasonable number of crushes to have,” Bertram insisted, failing to mention how his crushes in other years would easily have doubled that number. Even if Bertram knew that it was a joke, he still felt the need to defend himself. “And besides, it’s not like they’re the only things I think about all the time...”

Bertram chastised his friend jokingly. “I don’t know Brie. It sounds like you’re not giving a good portion of the Russian population a chance. And if you can find plenty... where are they?” He leaned forward and flashed her a teasing smile.

          One of Augustus favorite classes was Potions, mainly because Slughorn spent a good chunk of the class praising those who performed well, and of course Augustus always aimed to be the top. He was glad Bones was not in the class, so he was left to only worry about Black, and Dirk, but Dirk was his friend, or at least in the eyes of the world, he was one of his closest mates, and Clemonte, but she often second guessed herself, so Augustus easily shined. This class had not being the exception, and Augustus had enjoyed Regulus’ eye-roll when Slughorn pointed out his extraordinary technique. 

         He exchanged a few words with Isobel, it was important to have her on his side if he was to ask Amelia out, he knew the importance best friends played when it came to dating. He clapped Regulus on the shoulder just for the fun of it, before heading for the exit. ❝Oh hey Bert!❞ Augustus said in his usual cheery tone, he fought the urge to raise an eyebrow, but above all to smirk, something was going on and he could not be more interested. 

    ❝Yup his eyebrows are one-hundred percent natural, no magic involved❞

Bertram’s cheeks flushed bright pink. Did he really talk about Dirk’s eyebrows that much? Especially to Augustus? Augustus was his friend but he also knew that Dirk and Augustus were friends and Bertram tried to be careful not to let him know about his crush on the other Ravenclaw prefect. That would be embarrassing. As much as he trusts Augustus, he didn’t want to risk it. Who knows? Augustus might slip and accidentally reveal Bertram’s crush to Dirk. That would be mortifying. Especially since Bertram and Dirk barely interacted in the first place. At most, he’d probably comment on his schoolwork now and then, purely in admiration. Was that enough to reveal his infatuation?

Bertram shook his head. “No, that wasn’t my question... But... would you happen to know if... Dirk’s seeing someone?”

          Augustus took a deep breath, feigning that it was hard for him to say what was to follow, ❝well, I hate gossip and rumours, but-❞ he bit the inside of his cheek, honestly anyone who saw him would not believe how much he was enjoying this interaction, ❝you know what everyone’s saying about Potter and his friends❞ Augustus turned to look for anyone who might be listening, and scooted closer to Bertram, ❝well I- I overheard my parents, a few days before I was set to return to school…❞ he bit his lip as if in hesitation, ❝Bert it wasn’t something like their usual pranks… it was dark magic❞ he said sounding scandalized, ❝I- I didn’t really understand what my parents were talking about, but it had to do with-❞ he shook his head, ❝the point is, forget Potter still being head boy, why were they allowed back, they are putting everyone at risk…❞

Bertram leaned forward. Close enough that Augustus can whisper directly into his ear if need be, He could barely breathe due to anticipation as he waited for Augustus to finally say what he was about to say. “Yes? Go on?” Bertram found himself encouraging his fellow prefect to continue the things he wanted to say. His eyes widened at the mention of dark magic before furrowing into a deep and serious frown. “This is bad...:” he muttered to himself. “This is really bad.”

“What is it!” Bertram pressed on, almost demanding for Augustus to continue. His eyes quickly darted from left to right to make sure no one was listening in before looking right back at Augustus earnestly. Bertram hung on to the other boy’s words. “It had to do with what?”

“Right!” he agreed, without even thinking about it for a second before he gave a slight frown. Religion rarely came up in magical texts, other than Christians leading the witch hunts. “That’s definitely the association muggles have anyway. Maybe it’s just that during the witch trials they discovered to target people who used runes so wizards had to adapt their magic.” If they had a better History of Magic teacher, he would ask, but the ghost tended to teach solely what was on the curriculum and nothing outside it and Dirk had no idea if he would even be capable of doing the research needed to check his theory. Could ghosts read books? Binns could definitely mark essays but Dirk wasn’t sure how he managed it. “That’s probably what happened,” he decided, smiling at Bertram for the insight.

“I mean… Did you really want to talk about the class?” he asked sceptically, eyes flickering again between Bertram and Brianne, who was still watching the exchange with amusement plastered over her face. 

Bertram forced himself to focus and shook his head. “Yeah, of course. The muggles...” Bertram was pulling his formed conjecture from his own upbringing, with his dad being a devout Christian. “They’re so easily scared. Honestly, my dad would probably freak out if he knew about half the magic we were doing here. Flying brooms. Pointy hats and all that...” He laughed at his own weak attempt at humor. Bertram shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Oh no. He has moved on to his next level of nervousness... oversharing facts that other people probably didn’t need to know. He could almost feel Brie’s eyes behind him watching in horror... or amusement. That witch.

Bertram calmed a little bit, comforted by Dirk’s easy smile, but it wasn’t enough to completely wash his nerves away. Bertram swallowed. He might as well go on with it. “Well... not really.” The Gryffindor buried his hands deep in his pockets, unsure what to do with them. “I actually wanted to ask you...” Bertram couldn’t even look at his face. He kept his gaze to his side. “I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out on a date... this Valentine’s?” Scared eyes finally met Dirk’s, waiting to see his reaction.

Xanthus beamed up at Bertram, nodding enthusiastically. “You’re cute as a button!” But he quickly got back down to business, pouting at the boy and shaking his head. “Bert, you deserve it just as much as anyone else,” he said, pursing his lips and then furrowing his brow as he reached for a stack of photos that he’d previously submitted to the paper, shuffling through them. “You know, I don’t think you’ve had your picture in the paper ever. Certainly not since I’ve been part of the club, at least… So, it’s your turn, buddy.”

Just moments after he made his final decision, a few dozen prints fluttered to the floor and Xanthus quickly crouched down to help gather them. “Oh - haha! No worries,” he assured Bertram, but upon further inspection of the photos he was picking up, his freckled cheeks went slightly pink. He reached out for the ones the other boy was holding - in particular, one of him flexing while shirtless, winking and holding up a peace sign. “Shiiit, whoops, gimme those… I mean, you can look if you really wanna, haha, they’re uh… For a friend…”

Bertram ‘s face started feeling warm as he felt the blood rush to his head after Xanthus calling him cute. He was sure that Xanthus meant it in a patronizing way. Or at least, the way that someone might call pugs “cute”. Maybe it was a pity compliment. But he can’t help but feel flustered all the same. Xanthus’ determination definitely contributed to his nerves which caused him to knock the folder off the table.

“As much as I like Gilderoy, he’s already in every issue we release! I don’t think it’s fair that other people get overlooked just to stroke his ego… Besides, see how cute you are right here?” Xanthus pointed to the picture in the middle, a particularly handsome portrait of Bertram smiling and looking at something off-camera. “It’d be a shame not to publish this for everyone to see!”

He turned to look over his shoulder, patting the seat next to him for the boy to sit down. If Bertram truly couldn’t bear to see his picture in the paper, he wouldn’t force it, but Xanthus partially just wanted to see the look on Gilderoy’s face when he realized his photo had been passed up - for a much more genuine one, too. “The picture will go next to an article about the choir’s concert, and we’ve already got a quote from Gil in there anyway. I wanna diversify a little bit!”

A frown appeared between Dirk’s eyes when he looked up on his way out of the classroom to find Bertram Aubrey being pushed in front of him and by Brianne Frazer of all people. She wasn’t in their Ancient Runes class, where Bertram was, so Dirk had no idea why she was there, nor why she seemed to be pushing the other Gryffindor into talking to Dirk. Whatever they had been talking about before Dirk had left the classroom seemed to have been dismissed by Brianne with a shake of her head but Dirk still looked between the two of them, searching for some clue between her eager eyes and his bright red cheeks that might tell him what this was about.

“Hello, Bertram?” he said, feeling very confused. The frown on his face deepened when Bertram corrected himself with Dirk’s surname and he added, “Aubrey.” From behind Bertram, Brianne was biting on her lip, clearly trying hard not to laugh. “It was, yes!” he said, feeling a little more enthusiastic after the question, though he was still wondering where this was going. “It almost makes you question why Runic magic is considered so Dark now. Probably something to do with wizards turning around and deciding that ancient forms of magic must be primitive, especially if they have any power. Are you okay?” He couldn’t help but notice Bertram’s fidgeting and he was fairly sure they weren’t there to talk about Ancient Runes.

Bertram swooned. He’s such a bloody dork. Given any other circumstance, Bertram would have gushed along with him. Study of Ancient Runes fascinated the Gryfindor because runic magic implied written magic. Something that’s rarely practiced, if at all, nowadays. Magic imbued within individual runes themselves. 

“Uhhh....” he racked his brain for a smart reply.  Or any reply. He almost wanted to give a disclaimer. He’s not stupid, he promises. He’s just nervous. “And it’s also...” It was a struggle to say words but he got there, “...probably affected by the majority of the world... uh - shifting to organized religion. And runes started-being-associated-with-paganism-and-are-therefore-branded-as...evil.” Bertram’s words started slow before picking up the pace until he didn't even pause in between words. He had to intake one sharp breath before managing to utter the last word.

“I’m totally fine...” He blew air out of his mouth, causing his lips to flutter. “I mean, why wouldn’t I be?”

Xanthus smiled, watching Bertam’s reaction as he waited in the door for him, and when he finally agreed, he punched the air in excitement and ushered the boy in. “Fuck yeah! I hate doing this kinda stuff by myself, it’s so boring just sitting here lining up photos and trying to figure out which ones look the best together.” Perhaps he wasn’t cut out to be a professional photographer, but more than anything, Xanthus just hated being alone.

He crossed the room and went over to the cabinet that many of the students stored their artwork in, squatting down to reach into the last cubby and slide out an accordion folder. Walking it over to a nearby table, he took a seat and rifled through all of the negatives and prints that he had until he found a stack of photos from the last choir concert. Xanthus fanned out several photos of Bertram - a few during the recital while he was around his peers, as well as several of him getting ready and adjusting his tie, smiling and perhaps a little flush from nerves of excitement. 

“Any of these speak to you? I kinda like the candids more.”

Bertram stood awkwardly in the room as he watched Xanthus walk into the room and reach for his an accordion folder before settling on a table. Curious, Bertram walked over to stand behind him, looking at the photos over Xanthus’ shoulder. There he was. Looking flustered but at the same time, excited for the show. The photos looked great and Xanthus actually made him kinda cute... “They’re all amazing,” Bertram remarked. 

She snorted at his offer. “Thank you, so generous of you. Probably for the best because I’ve lost track now. What is it, half of our year?” She stuck her tongue out at him to show she was messing with him. “Only if he speaks English. I don’t think I can cope with a relationship where we can barely talk to each other.” In truth, a long-distance relationship wasn’t something Brianne had considered or thought herself able to sustain but she had been successfully distracted from the what could have been of her Yule Ball date. She hummed distractedly to his comment. Maybe he was right. True, she trusted James and would probably always hold a different opinion of him to Bertram but what did she really know of the other three? Regardless of her confusions over Peter, Sirius was another who seemed to take a bit too much pleasure in tormenting others and beyond his small circle of friends she had always seen Remus as a bit of a loner.

Bertram caught her joking tone but he scoffed indignantly anyway. “You know that’s a gross miscalculation. I like… four… five boys in our year at most.” His list of crushes in the seventh year was a whole different story. But bringing that up wouldn’t really help his case so he dropped it. Even if he was currently the butt of the teasing and the jokes, Bertram was still glad that they were able to steer the conversation to a different topic. “So?” Bertram asked, pushing the imaginary scenario even further. “You could teach him? Or… you can learn Russian? There’s no reason that language should stop the power of love.” Bertram wriggled his eyebrows playfully.

Luckily she had a free period while the Ancient Runes students had their class and knowing that was when Bertram planned to ask Dirk Cresswell out, Brie swung by the kitchens to get a travel cup of coffee before she went to the Ancient Runes corridor for some moral support. She grinned at him when he came into sight and leaned against the wall, eyes trained on the classroom door. “Because it’s fun. And because one of us deserves to have a good Valentine’s. Anyway, I thought you liked him? I didn’t even know it was possible to wax lyrical about eyebrows before.”

She was distracted slightly by Xanthus leaving the classroom, smiling him and offering a wave but her mind was back on when Bertram had suggested Xanthus, too, when she was interrogating him as to who he was going to ask out for Valentine’s Day. Brie still wasn’t sure why she had found the suggestion so strange but she had convinced herself that it was just because both of them were such good friends to her that it was strange to think of them as together. Much better it be someone like Cresswell who she didn’t know so well – only one mutual class and a couple of mutual friends to talk of but little reason to hang out with each other with any frequency.

“Here he is,” she muttered to Bertram when Dirk came up last of the Ravenclaws to leave the classroom, copy of Spellman’s Syllabary still in his hand instead of in the bag over his shoulder. Before Bertram could try to chicken out, she shoved him towards Dirk, who looked up, slightly surprised by the movement.

“You can also go on a date, you know? Find yourself a boy and then maybe we can go on a double date so that it’s less awkward? Or! You can go on a date and I’ll just watch from afar.” Anything so that he can back down from what he was about to do. Bertram furrowed his eyebrows and gave her a look, at first accusatory before shifting into something that resembled guilt. “They’re really nice eyebrows,” he yielded, almost sulking. “They frame his face nicely.”

Ask Bertram was unceremoniously pushed towards Dirk, it was a miracle that he didn’t trip and crash into the other boy. Bertram managed to stop himself, just half a foot from the Ravenclaw. Oh God, I’m definitely already red, aren’t I? Bertram thought to himself as he struggled to find the words out. “H-H-hi! Dirk! I mean- Cresswell.” He really should have practiced this. Why didn’t he practice this? “Interesting class today, huh?” Bertram didn’t know what to do with his hands. Should he cross his arms? Tuck them in his pockets? Hold onto the strap of his shoulder bag? In his panic, Bertram ended up doing all of them as he asked the question. His heart was beating so loudly, he was sure that the other boy could hear it.

Bertram had been very distracted during Potions Class. He was lucky that Professor Slughorn didn’t call him out on it. He probably had been too busy praising whoever brewed the best potion that day. But while Bertram was stirring his cauldron clockwise instead of counter-clockwise, his mind was busy thinking about what he and Brie agreed on. Bertram was to ask someone out on a date. Dirk Cresswell to be exact, and his thick, attractive eyebrows. 

There must be some way to back out of it. He didn’t even know if Dirk bloody liked boys. 

Wait... that must be the way out then, wasn’t it? If he learns that Dirk didn’t like guys, he wouldn’t have to ask him out. He’ll just shrug her shoulders at Brie and say that he tried... Kind of...

After Potions class, he waited for Augustus Rookwood, hoping to ask his advice. “Hey,” Bertram greeted. “Can I ask you a question? It’s about... Cresswell.”

“Tell me again why we’re doing this?” Bertram’s knees started acting like noodles as he thought about what he was about to do. The truth is, he knew exactly what the answer was to his question. He agreed, hoping that it would help cheer Brie up, or at least, take her mind off the whole Peter situation.

Brie managed to convince him to ask Dirk out for Valentine’s Day. It was a toss-up between Xanthus and Dirk since they were the two crushes of his that he had classes with. However, Xanthus was already Bertram’s friend. Well, kind of... And for some reason, Bertram found the thought of asking him out to be more dreadful and awkward. He didn’t want to make things weird between them in the future.

The problem was... he didn’t even know whether Dirk liked boys. And by choosing him, Bertram will probably find out soon. Either to his horror or his delight. 

His fellow Gryffindor was already waiting outside the classroom when the class had ended. Bertram had been one of the first people to leave and now, it was just a matter of waiting for Dirk to come out.

She really liked Bertram. He was a lost soul looking for love, just like her, and he actually liked talking about boys with her. If she wasn’t so focused on drooling over most of the seventh year class of boys she’d probably make it her sole mission to find her friend the most wonderful and perfect boyfriend. But even though she wanted to find him someone, and they could talk boys with each other they had very different opinions on her favorites. “You don’t have to be so nasty!” she raised her voice a bit, still feeling the quiet anger building up inside of her. While Bertram himself had been at the end of James and Sirius’ bullying Bertha and never seen that side to them and couldn’t understand why her friend could be saying these things about them.

“Anyone can be dangerous, we’re wizards. I will not turn my back on people who I believe in.” Maybe it was the Hufflepuff inside of her speaking, not willing to let go of the truth she believed in.

“I’m not being nasty! You’re just being bloody dolt!” He didn’t like the words he was saying. He didn’t like them at all. But a tiny part of him reveled at the feeling saying those words gave him. Bertram’s insecurities often took the best of him. And he responds to a world he perceived as hostile by lashing out, sometimes hurting others before they could hurt him. Unfortunately, those closest to him often were at the forefront against his outbursts.

“Well that’s unfortunate,” Bertram spat bitterly, “because it’s either them or me.” His frown was deep. He was convinced that he was being utterly serious. It was the Marauders or their friendship because if Bertha kept defending them blindly, he didn’t know how he can remain friends with her.

“Yeah,” Brie agreed in a quiet voice. “And I never really thought I knew him anyway. We hadn’t talked that much. There’ll be other boys, won’t there?” She squeezed his hand back and offered him a small smile which dropped as her thoughts moved to why Peter might not be the right fit for her. “Do you really think they did it?” He seemed to believe it, if the rest of their conversation so far was any indication but she still found it confusing. 

Bertram kept his hand on hers and smiled back reassuringly. “Definitely. The world is your oyster.” He never really knew what that meant exactly but he’s heard it enough from his mother to assume that it was supposed to be uplifting. “You can even have one of my crushes if you like,” he tried as a joke, slightly chuckling himself. “You don’t even have to settle for Hogwarts boys even. You can get yourself a Durmstrang boy.” He hoped that it was enough to lighten the mood. But Brie’s next question sobered him back up. Bertram wasn’t actually completely convinced that they were what the rumors say they were but it was enough to tell him that something must be up with the four boys. Something that the rest of the castle was unaware of. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, “but I don’t think it’s wise to trust them, Brie.”

Fucking hell. All he wanted was one fucking minute where someone wasn’t trying to piss him off. One fucking minute to eat his dinner before he would make his way back to the dorm and back to where he could be alone for a little bit. Away from the whispers, the glares, the looks from people around him trying to figure out if he was going to hurt them or not. One fucking minute away from people talking shit about his best mates. But that wasn’t going to happen when he sat himself down across from Bertram, having that history of the boy in question talking shit about his mates which resulted in a little bit of revenge. It was enough to make an enemy and Sirius really didn’t need to keep making more enemies, did he? “Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s impolite to fucking talk while chewing?” His mother would have punished him for even doing something so revolting, so absurd. It would be easier if Bertram didn’t say a thing if he kept eating and ignored Sirius, but easy doesn’t come around for Sirius anymore, does it? “Do you think for one bloody meal you could shut your fat mouth and we can keep going on in peace or is that too hard for you?” 

Bertram swallowed his mouthful angrily. Something that he never thought he’d ever do. But as Sirius’ temper rose, so did the younger Gryffindor’s, prompting him to end his mumbling. “And I guess your mother didn’t teach you not to start arguments over supper. Or did that lesson happen after you got kicked out?” Bertram knew that he was crossing a line. He was definitely aware of the hearsays. Though knowing the fact inspired no sympathy in Bertram, he usually knew better than using it against the other boy. Until now. His mouth started running before he could stop it and before he knew it, the words started spilling out of his mouth. “And did you forget whose fat mouth started yappin’  in the first place?” Bertram could have let it go... but he didn’t. It wasn’t like Sirius was any better.