entschuldigen Sie, aber ich bin schwul

it is of course easier to performatively ban children from social media than to do things like "actually challenge and regulate the abusive tactics tech companies use to extract people's data and money via social media" but if we did the second thing we wouldn't have any excuse to force people to use digital ID :(

Shane could do cool girl monologue and Amy dunne could do back to back Stanley cups

The metros always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "he’s a cool captain". Cool captain is hot. Cool captain is game. Cool captain is fun. Cool captain never gets angry at his team. He only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner. And then presents his body for boarding. He likes what they like, so evidently he's a hockey player who loves drinking beer. If they like sponsored content, he’s a top scorer who smiles and endures photo shoots while wet. When I met the metros I knew they wanted "Cool captain". And for them, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax-stripped my pussy raw. I drank canned beer watching Adam Sandler movies. I ate cold pizza and remained on my macrobiotic diet. I went to post win parties. semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fucking game. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. The metros teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness, a humor, an ease. But I made them smarter. Sharper. I inspired them to rise to my level. I forged the team of my dreams. We were happy pretending to be other people. We were the happiest team we knew. And what's the point of being a team if you're not the happiest? But the metros got lazy. They became someone I did not agree to draft to. They actually expected me to play for them unconditionally. You think I'd let them destroy me and end up happier than ever? No fucking way. 

is it illegal to perceive a succulent chinese meal gentlemen

Shane would love being a too strict royal guard. Ilya would love being a royal prince trying to get him to loose focus.