Dareiaious

everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving

every day of my life i read someone being like “why doesn’t this story just solve the problem immediately and casually? they just drag it out and make it an issue” well. because that’s the Story

after much deliberation I have completed a simple task that took less than 10 minutes, and I'm happy to report that this time it only cost me about 3 days of dread

people talk about how much it would suck to be a pawn in chess but at least you have the faint promise of something to look forward to, no matter how unlikely. something to hope for. imagine being a fucking knight and knowing that no matter what you do for the rest of your shitty life, every single move you make will be an L

cats know keyboard shortcuts even microsoft doesnt know about

i love that shane's whole emotional experience of heated rivalry is just him being like why is he mean to me then nice to me then mean to me then nice to me then really nice to me then really mean to me then nice to me in a way that bewilders & disconcerts me so much it briefly turns me heterosexual. and then he's mean to me again. oh it's because he's scared. yay! i can work with scared. i intend to marry him

if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

we are witnessing the gentrification of the term "tumblr sexyman" in real time and it is extremely disappointing. like no, live-action white boy #265 played by ryan gosling isn't a tumblr sexyman. i can't believe i have to say this but if it wouldn't get you shoved into a locker it probably isn't a sexyman

and a cannon is a large mounted gun, usually on wheels, that uses explosives to fire projectiles.