seph

I used to use Google docs, but the white mode only was really annoying me (tires my eyes), so I swapped to Ellipsus (which I genuinely love and recommend), but it was bothering me a bit that I need wifi in order to use it, so now I switched to LibreOffice Writer, which I do like.

It very much has a Microsoft Word feel, but is open source and you need no accounts to use it. It's local on your device, so no AI can scan it, and no wifi is needed.

The main thing(s) on my mind watching surprise episode Gary:

This isn't top but for some reason hearing how Donna would just run her red nails along Mikey's back and tell him about his day his seems sweet and nurturing...also a bit of parent/son jungian in there. BUT does it reminds anyone of Claire's "so what's today?" In Bologonese?

If there is a part 2 (let's say season 5 episode 6 does another flashback) Richie makes it Tiffany as he told Natalie in Legacy that Tiffany had Eva the next day.

Really cool to see how Richie is a big believer in synchronicities and signs that's bigger than life itself...he's going to point out another big sign this season that Carmy may not see.

Mikey...oh mikey. I appreciate the episode removing the romanticism of Mikey that Carmy would often look to with his brother. What he said to Richie I felt hate, sadness, anger, shame. Then seeing that exist in Mikey's eyes. Now we see what Fak and Richie meant by it got dark.

Now seeing Mikey's dakr side i respect the fuck out of Uncle Lee sorta he had enough of Mikey by the fishes episode. That family says really ugly things to each other.

Aurora:

State of Flux:

Somebody (Who Loves Me):

He was offended that Mickey didn't leave the restaurant to him, and we know Carmy had a legal say in which person could be in the ownership of the place. So did Natalie, and neither of them even suggested it.

That's why he thought Sydney was doing it out of pettiness, because that's the way he is constantly being treated. Even if Donna also speaks of him as a son, and how much Carmy assures him he is more than a cousin, because yes, he has always been "one of them," but never on paper. There was always an invisible line, and he was right to feel it. Sydney basically signed the adoption papers Richie has been waiting for his whole life.

The OFFICIAL FX PROMO with Sydney Adamu says, AND I QUOTE VERBATIM: SYDNEY IS THE ANTIDOTE

Now if FX is saying that and we haven't seen much about Sydney's life

Sydney's loves

Sydney BEING the antidote

Then what is the point

They don't do things randomly (including NOT PROMOTING the Claire actress AT ALL)

So THERFORE I'm gonna see y'all in season 6

remembered that carmy still doesn't know that he cooked sydney’s favorite dish yet.

remembered that sydney doesn’t know that just the thought of her calmed carmy down during a panic attack.

remembered that carmy has to still get sydney her new cleaver.

remembered that the only opinions they care about is each others and hold each other to such a high regard.

remembered that sydney's the bear.

in s1, we get to know that Sydney's best meal was what Carmy made in New York

in s3, we get to know how much abuse he took in new york, how with the fennel it wasn't his dish anymore, but was forced to make that way, and that one day, after Mikey died, he said fuck it, this plate, this one plate is gonna be mine, he rebelled against the abuse, and that one plate was the one Sydney got. The one that was life-changing, and probably was a big part of why she took the job at the Beef. (And also, it looked like a bleeding heart.) She had a taste of the best of him, that spark that was there despite all the abuse, the anxiety, the sudden grief and guilt, that spark that in s4, we know he can't draw from anymore. and that best part was the best she ever had.

in s4, Sydney tells Donna that she flew to new york, becuse she wanted to taste his food so badly, and hands down that was the best meal of her life, and that "i don't even know if he knows this"

They keep bringing this up, telling us that he doesn't even know this. Why is it important? It could be professional reasons. That they are really platonic soulmates in the kitchen, that she's gonna be his legacy - he made her best meal, now she's gonna do the same to someone else.

And it would make sense, because season 4 was all about that:

in s3, they have a talk about legacy, and if he's gonna leave something behind, he wants it to be panicless, anxiety-free, he has to filter out the bad to make it good

and in s4, we see the absolute calmest, almost sensual sequence with Sydney making the scallop dish, then he sees her plate the cavatelli under 3 minutes, without even really trying, when that's something even he couldn't do, and realizes, that this is it. Syd is the panicless, anxiety-free version of the restaurant, that he can leave behind. And to make it good, he has to filter out the bad, aka himself, and he has to leave to change, it's the best for the restaurant and him (and he believes for everyone, including Sydney).

him realizing that she's just plain better than him, and more, she's better without all that extra trauma he had to endure to get to that level

and that, well, is painful for him, and is jealous a bit (as Sydney tells TJ, he acts weird and funky with her when she's better), but the season shows us that he ends up accepting it, embracing it, welcoming it (he fully expects her to get that best chef title, with a gentle smile on his lips, absolutely no jealousy or hurt there anymore) (also, there's a big visual emphasis on when he gives her his signature spoon, like it's her turn, she's his legacy)

And the revelation of the hamachi dish would fit in this so well. It could have been like: all the best that he still had in himself, he gave it to her, only her, and she ate it, she internalized it, and now it's hers, and he doesn't have it anymore. It would fit the legacy theme so well.

But they didn't do that. Instead, the crescendo of the theme is their arguing in the finale: "Syd, you're everything I'm never gonna be. I believe in you more than I believed in myself. You're The Bear."

And it feels final. Syd accepts it. She has self-doubt, of course, but she doesn't say "You're wrong." She says "And what if you're wrong." Because she knows it's true. "I know I don't need you." Their argument isn't about the restaurant. That's done. He knows it, she knows it.

So what else is there? What else could they use that reveal of the hamachi dish?

back to the legacy conversation, he says in order to leave something anxiety-free behind, he's gonna have to be square with everyone, and that's what we're seeing he's doing

he apologizes to Claire, calls her and tells her what he should've told her many-many times before, he finds her sweatshirt to give it back to her, to open up a way to see her again

he visits Donna, he lets her apologize, cooks for her, maybe it's a start to be in each other's life

I didn't put a picture, but he calls Cicero to thank him and telling him how much he appreciates him

at the news of him leaving, Nat is just plain happy for him, she hugs him, that's all she wanted for him, to get better, to find peace and joy

even with Richie, their argument came to an end, it was the revelation that he did in fact came to the funeral, he did resent Richie because he was more a part of his family than he was, and that he was blind to the fact the Richie lost someone, too. Then Richie confessed he feels the guilt, too, because he couldn't help Mikey, and he though that's why Carmy didn't go to there funeral. Richie tells him he resented him, too, and missed him. Carmy tells him they're more than cousins. They cleared the air.

However, Sydney and Carmy's argument wasn't over, it was interrupted by Richie. By then, it was already established that she's The Bear, she's everything he's never gonna be, and that she doesn't need him.

"but that's not the point" - Syd tells him, and it tells that it's not about the restaurant and whether or not she could do this without him

"you're my partner" "i'm your friend" "you're not acting like it" "i'm your fucking friend" - they are literally arguing about what they are to each other when Richie stops them

and it's not resolved

when Richie and Carmy fights, at the end of the scene, she already accepted that Carmy leaves - the reality of it at least, and now they have a new plan. So the emotional side of the restaurant's future - it's resolved.

more than that, when Nat asks Carmy "Bear?", like "tell me, is this true?", it's cut to Sydney and Carmy having a silent conversation, nodding to each other, as if Sydney is giving him some kind of "permission" to tell Nat, making it final, making it reality, and just after that he turns to Nat.

but the thing they last argued about, what they are to each other - it's not resolved in the slightest, not like with the other characters.

Carmy said in order to leave, he's gonna have to be square with everyone - and that leaves Syd in S5. It has to be some kind of change in their dynamic, some kind of turnover, and I think that the reveal of the hamachi dish will be the catalyst, like, the realization of love. (He literally gave her his one and only bleeding heart.)

Because they shouted "partner" and "friend" at each other - it would be really disappointing if the resolution of their conflict would be - yeah, we ARE partners and friends. I think it should be a third thing, one that they are both blind to at this point. Like, from a storytelling perspective.

So how I think will turn out? Well, we were given:

we were shown Sydney taking a picture of the hamachi dish

in s4, we were shown Sydney taking a picture of the lamb dish, inspired by her dress she wore at the wedding, where

Sydney's and Donna's conversation took place - Donna now knows how inspired Sydney is by her son, and that he cooked the best meal of her life, she says "wow", because yeah, that's a wild little coincident, and a good story

Carmy mentions the photos at his place, then Donna eventually got him to bring them to her, which leads to this:

"when I saw you at the wedding, and you're all grown, and you're this guy and so handsome, and I'm happy for you" and "people say such nice things about you and tell me how wonderful you are, and I hear about what you do" (that was all Sydney btw) "I hear about your life from other people, I don't know you and you don't know me and i did that, and I know that me saying this doesn't mean anything except that i'm trying, i'm trying to be responsible and accountable and apologize and trying to make things better" "and i'm here asking if i can be part of your life again"

she wants to know her son, because he lived a whole life she wasn't part of

So I can see her trying gather as much knowledge as she can about her kids, Carmy, looking and collecting articles, photos, then maybe reaching out to Sydney (maybe through Nat), asking if she has a photo of his dish, because it was so good to hear how her son did that, inspired someone so much. So maybe Sydney gives her a photo, and maybe Donna one day shows him an album she made about her kids, to show him that she's trying to get to know him. And he's turning the pages, smiling, then bam. He's facing a photo of the blood orange hamachi, and it's like he's hit by a train. It shouldn't be possible. How the fuck is this possible? So he asks Donna, and she tells him this cute story that his coworker told her at the wedding, and that she just had to ask for a photo... and the world is upside down, things clicking into place.

I think it would be such a satisfying revelation, and such a strong resolution to Carmy's and Sydney's interpersonal conflict of "what are we?", and I think with this route, it has to be romantic, bc what other resolution is there? "omg, she's INDEED my friend?" come on.

(btw, I'm literally writing a novel-length fic with this theory right now, bc i'm feeling feral about this idea)

So what if they do this but through Sydney's perspective with Carmy coming back to the restaurant?

Because it's clear Chris Storer absolutely adores Ayo Edebiri, from the way he sought her out for Sydney after working with her on the Dickinson show (and completely changed the character of Sydney from what was written in the pilot script) and has taken her under his wing so he can teach her to direct. And he's also given her the opportunity to write, direct, and produce on the show which are opportunities no other cast member has gotten.

Yet it's been 4 seasons and Syd has not been fleshed out and developed the way other main characters have. And in season 4 there were two instances where she was used to prop up a White character or their storyline; first with Claire after Emmanuel's heart attack (as a doctor-y aside, not sure why Claire said Emmanuel had first degree heart block when that's not the same as a heart attack nor is it even a medical emergency? doesn't make sense that that's what happened so not sure what that was about) which is a scene clearly designed to endear the audience to her, then again when her and Carmy's long overdue conversation in the season 4 finale was used as a jumping off point for Carmy and Richie's conversation to work through their shared grief over Mikey, meaning Syd and Carmy couldn't continue their conversation after without Syd coming off like the asshole.

in s1, we get to know that Sydney's best meal was what Carmy made in New York

in s3, we get to know how much abuse he took in new york, how with the fennel it wasn't his dish anymore, but was forced to make that way, and that one day, after Mikey died, he said fuck it, this plate, this one plate is gonna be mine, he rebelled against the abuse, and that one plate was the one Sydney got. The one that was life-changing, and probably was a big part of why she took the job at the Beef. (And also, it looked like a bleeding heart.) She had a taste of the best of him, that spark that was there despite all the abuse, the anxiety, the sudden grief and guilt, that spark that in s4, we know he can't draw from anymore. and that best part was the best she ever had.

in s4, Sydney tells Donna that she flew to new york, becuse she wanted to taste his food so badly, and hands down that was the best meal of her life, and that "i don't even know if he knows this"

They keep bringing this up, telling us that he doesn't even know this. Why is it important? It could be professional reasons. That they are really platonic soulmates in the kitchen, that she's gonna be his legacy - he made her best meal, now she's gonna do the same to someone else.

And it would make sense, because season 4 was all about that:

in s3, they have a talk about legacy, and if he's gonna leave something behind, he wants it to be panicless, anxiety-free, he has to filter out the bad to make it good

and in s4, we see the absolute calmest, almost sensual sequence with Sydney making the scallop dish, then he sees her plate the cavatelli under 3 minutes, without even really trying, when that's something even he couldn't do, and realizes, that this is it. Syd is the panicless, anxiety-free version of the restaurant, that he can leave behind. And to make it good, he has to filter out the bad, aka himself, and he has to leave to change, it's the best for the restaurant and him (and he believes for everyone, including Sydney).

him realizing that she's just plain better than him, and more, she's better without all that extra trauma he had to endure to get to that level

and that, well, is painful for him, and is jealous a bit (as Sydney tells TJ, he acts weird and funky with her when she's better), but the season shows us that he ends up accepting it, embracing it, welcoming it (he fully expects her to get that best chef title, with a gentle smile on his lips, absolutely no jealousy or hurt there anymore) (also, there's a big visual emphasis on when he gives her his signature spoon, like it's her turn, she's his legacy)

And the revelation of the hamachi dish would fit in this so well. It could have been like: all the best that he still had in himself, he gave it to her, only her, and she ate it, she internalized it, and now it's hers, and he doesn't have it anymore. It would fit the legacy theme so well.

But they didn't do that. Instead, the crescendo of the theme is their arguing in the finale: "Syd, you're everything I'm never gonna be. I believe in you more than I believed in myself. You're The Bear."

And it feels final. Syd accepts it. She has self-doubt, of course, but she doesn't say "You're wrong." She says "And what if you're wrong." Because she knows it's true. "I know I don't need you." Their argument isn't about the restaurant. That's done. He knows it, she knows it.

So what else is there? What else could they use that reveal of the hamachi dish?

back to the legacy conversation, he says in order to leave something anxiety-free behind, he's gonna have to be square with everyone, and that's what we're seeing he's doing

he apologizes to Claire, calls her and tells her what he should've told her many-many times before, he finds her sweatshirt to give it back to her, to open up a way to see her again

he visits Donna, he lets her apologize, cooks for her, maybe it's a start to be in each other's life

I didn't put a picture, but he calls Cicero to thank him and telling him how much he appreciates him

at the news of him leaving, Nat is just plain happy for him, she hugs him, that's all she wanted for him, to get better, to find peace and joy

even with Richie, their argument came to an end, it was the revelation that he did in fact came to the funeral, he did resent Richie because he was more a part of his family than he was, and that he was blind to the fact the Richie lost someone, too. Then Richie confessed he feels the guilt, too, because he couldn't help Mikey, and he though that's why Carmy didn't go to there funeral. Richie tells him he resented him, too, and missed him. Carmy tells him they're more than cousins. They cleared the air.

However, Sydney and Carmy's argument wasn't over, it was interrupted by Richie. By then, it was already established that she's The Bear, she's everything he's never gonna be, and that she doesn't need him.

"but that's not the point" - Syd tells him, and it tells that it's not about the restaurant and whether or not she could do this without him

"you're my partner" "i'm your friend" "you're not acting like it" "i'm your fucking friend" - they are literally arguing about what they are to each other when Richie stops them

and it's not resolved

when Richie and Carmy fights, at the end of the scene, she already accepted that Carmy leaves - the reality of it at least, and now they have a new plan. So the emotional side of the restaurant's future - it's resolved.

more than that, when Nat asks Carmy "Bear?", like "tell me, is this true?", it's cut to Sydney and Carmy having a silent conversation, nodding to each other, as if Sydney is giving him some kind of "permission" to tell Nat, making it final, making it reality, and just after that he turns to Nat.

but the thing they last argued about, what they are to each other - it's not resolved in the slightest, not like with the other characters.

Carmy said in order to leave, he's gonna have to be square with everyone - and that leaves Syd in S5. It has to be some kind of change in their dynamic, some kind of turnover, and I think that the reveal of the hamachi dish will be the catalyst, like, the realization of love. (He literally gave her his one and only bleeding heart.)

Because they shouted "partner" and "friend" at each other - it would be really disappointing if the resolution of their conflict would be - yeah, we ARE partners and friends. I think it should be a third thing, one that they are both blind to at this point. Like, from a storytelling perspective.

So how I think will turn out? Well, we were given:

we were shown Sydney taking a picture of the hamachi dish

in s4, we were shown Sydney taking a picture of the lamb dish, inspired by her dress she wore at the wedding, where

Sydney's and Donna's conversation took place - Donna now knows how inspired Sydney is by her son, and that he cooked the best meal of her life, she says "wow", because yeah, that's a wild little coincident, and a good story

Carmy mentions the photos at his place, then Donna eventually got him to bring them to her, which leads to this:

"when I saw you at the wedding, and you're all grown, and you're this guy and so handsome, and I'm happy for you" and "people say such nice things about you and tell me how wonderful you are, and I hear about what you do" (that was all Sydney btw) "I hear about your life from other people, I don't know you and you don't know me and i did that, and I know that me saying this doesn't mean anything except that i'm trying, i'm trying to be responsible and accountable and apologize and trying to make things better" "and i'm here asking if i can be part of your life again"

she wants to know her son, because he lived a whole life she wasn't part of

So I can see her trying gather as much knowledge as she can about her kids, Carmy, looking and collecting articles, photos, then maybe reaching out to Sydney (maybe through Nat), asking if she has a photo of his dish, because it was so good to hear how her son did that, inspired someone so much. So maybe Sydney gives her a photo, and maybe Donna one day shows him an album she made about her kids, to show him that she's trying to get to know him. And he's turning the pages, smiling, then bam. He's facing a photo of the blood orange hamachi, and it's like he's hit by a train. It shouldn't be possible. How the fuck is this possible? So he asks Donna, and she tells him this cute story that his coworker told her at the wedding, and that she just had to ask for a photo... and the world is upside down, things clicking into place.

I think it would be such a satisfying revelation, and such a strong resolution to Carmy's and Sydney's interpersonal conflict of "what are we?", and I think with this route, it has to be romantic, bc what other resolution is there? "omg, she's INDEED my friend?" come on.

(btw, I'm literally writing a novel-length fic with this theory right now, bc i'm feeling feral about this idea)