So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.
In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:
"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."
When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet.Â
Some examples of lies people belive:
"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so"
"It was my fault that I was molested."
"I am a bad person for wanting a different life."
When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way.Â
In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others.Â
Long post underneath.
THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:
We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."
I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.
But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:
THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC
Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.
It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.
In the scene, Carmy asked,
"What is so hard, Mom?"
I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?
When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.
Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.
This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.
Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.
THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES
According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.
The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:
I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.
This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).
PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?
Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.
When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."
When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.
Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"
And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currentlyâthey said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.
But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.
In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.
All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.
Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.
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Can you imagine wasting an entire day of filming for a series in which you once played a supporting role, only to end up appearing as an extra in the final season? No lines, just filling out the background alongside a friend, who also has an irrelevant role. You, who used to brag about being the protagonistâs love interest and wanted the lead role alongside him (undermining the real female lead, your so-called friend, by stirring up online rivalries and paying for media coverage), ended the season as an extra⊠lol. At least you were flawless in that regard, Storer. Honestly, I never imagined this would happen or at least that the character would have a dignified ending; as always, she was just randomly thrown in among the others, left there in a corner. In fact, her character has always been like that random, appearing out of nowhere, never having a real connection to the Berzattos; she was an intruder. Even Tinaâs husband had more lines⊠Manny, Angel (finally), the guys from Beef⊠Seriously, not a single line for her? Just mime⊠lol. Now I get why she was so desperate to cling to anyone on the cast,the producers Faks, JAW, Courtney, just to stay in the spotlight after 2024. She knew sheâd be written off the show, and her character was never meant to end up with Carmy. Could Claire be any more predictable? Iâll be laughing about this forever!!! A sad ending, M.G.! Iâm going to make fun of this woman whenever I can! This is my blog and Iâll say whatever I want; if you donât like it, feel free to move on to the next one!
Tbh as much as I was happy of not seeing her at all, a part of me wentâŠall thi?..,to end up like that?
Like even in a storytelling stand pointâŠis insane.
I was thinking of creating a post about the contradictions I feel in the narrative and the way it was handled.
Cause there is no way Jeremy and Ayo didn't act like two people that were attracted to each other. I don't know how anybody could film and edit that scene of Sydney revealing the heart tattoo and not hope for us to root for her getting with Carm in the end. Even if she was planned as an obstacle, a break up scene (a real one) with Carm would have given her character so much gravitas (and would have given Molly some good acting credit for the people that only saw her in her perpetual smiling state).
But this? No lines? To be inserted only in the middle of a conversation between Syd and Carm. And you see him smile at Syd instead of her, but Carmy's face doesn't show when he is talking to Claire? That's genuinely wild. Even if Storer was mad that nobody liked the main love story (again, if we are supposed to believe that was the case, that Claire was so badly acted and unlikeable that it butchered all of the symbolism and intention the character was supposed to have), all this is too violent. What a way to cripple your own story. You are telling me you didn't want to double down or re-evaluate to give it a last good try? Idk, man, that's wild. It's almost like they wanted an actual breakup to bring the point home, but this was the second-most violent thing they could do.
In my mind, the way Carmen hated people being on his business, I think he would be 10 times more AGRESSIVE and protective over his business with Sydney. She would be all modest and secretive but Carm? He is crazy about her and needs to tell everyone so he decides he is gonna be as obnoxious as possible as a way to terrorize his family and make them all back off. He loves it.
âWhat you lovebirds plan to do this weekend? Would ask Nat. âJust try a new recipeâ would say Carmy, with a suggestive look, Sydney blushing, Nat horrified
Cicero just walks by with receipts on hand and overhears âCommon baby I have suck yout toes after 12 hour services, you think I care aboutâŠ?âCicero doesn't know how it ends, he ran all the way back and would never come to discuss receipts at the restaurant again.
Richie heard Hight Five to â69 all day chefâ once in the alley after service. The alleyway is just added to the âzones of indecencyâ as he calls them. They include the office and that table after hours.
Big indicator of c being unimportant is no approval from Nat /Donna and Pete at all . NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- No scene etc etc. - Richie and faks donât matter here. ( Mikey would also not approve present day carmy dating her)
Nat talks about her in one scene while informing Sydney- âI guess thatâs goodâ Sydcarmy talking about Donna the day he met her after 7 years( post fishes at the wedding) and thatâs the day Syd also meets her. Yeah man I donât have to say anything else .
Also when Nat said something about c is in the context of carmy being a lonely antisocial person. She says âhe is hanging out with c so I guess that's good right?â cause she believed Carmy having a friend/girlfriend would make him not be in the destructive path that Mike was on. Is a kinda unhealthy expectation but that's all it was.
While c and Nat interact once they barely greet each other. On the other hand, Nat and Sydney friendship/sisterhood was established. Same with Donna and Syd, Cicero and Syd and Richie and Syd for that matter. Sydney has very strong relationships with all her in laws.
That scene had a âI say whatever my way tells me to sayâ energy from Carmen and âlook at my husband he is so coolâ energy from Syd. Fucking love it.
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I've seen a lot of pitchfork and torches concerning Donna's arc and I want to chat about it....
I think the show isnât asking has donna earned forgiveness or redemption, itâs asking can a person who has caused profound harm become honest abou ti? Which are different questions. Donnaâs arc in season 4 and especially in her conversation with her children doesnât erase decades of emotional abuse. Her children still carry the consequences.
Carmy has panic attacks, Natalie lives in a constant state of hypervigilance, mikeyâs dead, and Richie, even though heâs not her bio child was shaped by that chaotic family system as well. The trauma remains.
I think what does change Is Donna. I think for the first time, she stops defending herself. People with severe emotional dysregulation, whether related to a borderline personality disorder, substance use, trauma etc often spend years trapped in shame. Shame can paradoxically make accountability harder because admitting wrongdoing feels mentally traumatic and impossible. Instead, people rationalize, deny, blame, or make themselves the victim. Which, if youâve watched since fishesâŠclassic Donna.
As the show progresses, Donna starts to do something that is very difficult. She starts to tolerate the shame. She acknowledges that she hurt her children without demanding that they make her feel better, which is a significant shift in the stages of change. If we remember season 4 where she apologized for the harm she caused Carmen. The silence between them was proof of that change. If we compare it to the fishes episode where she was blaming and accusing Carmy of not loving her etc.
Iâve worked with a lot of people in recovery. Iâve worked with a lot of donnas and even adult children of someone like donna. Recovery is measured by whether the person has accepted responsibility with excuses. Allowed other people to be angry. Respected boundaries. Grieved the harm they had caused. Chose different behaviors moving forward.
Those are simply the markers of change, not proof that damage is undone.
We extend grace to Carmy because weâve watched his internal suffering. We know why he shuts people out. We understand his anxiety. His perfectionism. His trauma. Yet Carmy also hurt people repeatedly.
So, the same question would apply: does Carmy deserve redemption? I mean the answer is obvious but itâs easier to say yes because carmyâs pain is witnessed from the inside while weâve mostly experienced Donna through her childrenâs perspective. Empathy naturally follows pov. We get Carmyâs nervous system because the camera lives with him. We donât spend nearly as much time inside Donnaâs head.
That doesnât mean Donna deserves automatic forgiveness. Forgiveness belongs entirely to her children, and they may never choose it. Reconciliation isnât owed to someone simply because theyâve changed. But redemption, in the moral sense, isnât something another person grants. Itâs something a person pursues through sustained accountability.
Thatâs why I donât see Donna as redeemed, so much as beginning redemption. Sheâs finlally walking the path rather than asking everyone else to pretend nothing happened.
I think the bear has resisted simplistic, moral categories. It doesnât divide characters into good or bad people instead, it asks how trauma moves through families. Donna passed her pain to her children. Carmy, in turn, begins passing his pain to the people who love and work with him. The cycle only breaks when someone becomes willing to look honestly at themselves.
Donna starts doing that and Carmy is learning to do that. Neither one of them is finished. This seems more about accountability, which is where real healing begins.
I deeply appreciate this analysis. Especially because it confronts my original feelings with her âredemptionâ arc. Because yes, you are very right, it is not a redemption arc. Your experience with people like Donna makes me appreciate (and, for lack of a better word, legitimize) the open-ended nature of this ending.
To be up front: I have never found myself able to extend grace or have much empathy for abusive parents. And I'm really not saying this as a moral superiority stand, I know I'm deeply bias in this topic, so I think that's something to evaluate. Not even this fictional parents have complex emotional issues or elements of their personality that they later outgrew, most of the time Iâll be rooting for the kids (victims) to decide to heal on their own. The book âkids of emotionally immature parentsâ was my guide in my own process with a parent like this.
Your comparison between Donna and Carmy did made me think on how I see Donnas âtantrumsâ vs Carmâs âtantrums.â is easy to see Carmen as a scared child reacting to a stressful environment expecting to be attacked. While I saw Donna as someone enforcing her power for her own sake. I guess that's also me projecting my own parent into Donna. She is a lot different. But, as the show established, Donna was also a scared child once. And even if that's not justification, as you said, that's how trauma lives on. But also, Carmen was always established as compassionate and willing to help others in his most sober moments. While Donna was established (and still is) coded as a bigot in many ways. But again, this is not so much about morality. Is guess it was easier for me to imagine Donna inside this box where she never learned to consider otherâs feelings.
Sometimes when I write about this show, I can feel my own resentment giving me a very white/black perspective. Even if I do believe kids don't owe their parents any grace, your post and evaluation of the situation did address all my concerns about how all of it was depicted. It made me realize I was kinda missing the forest for the trees.
I do deeply appreciate this part:
Carmy has panic attacks, Natalie lives in a constant state of hypervigilance, mikeyâs dead.
Because yes, that's very present still. That's what they are living trought right now. That's the context in which any grace has to be given for Donna. And the show only opens the door to it, as you said.
There is also this:
Recovery is measured by whether the person has accepted responsibility with excuses. Allowed other people to be angry. Respected boundaries. Grieved the harm they had caused. Chose different behaviors moving forward.
I think this is where my main issue still resides: that I would had preferred a momentary separation between Donna and her children, even with the promise and hope of change in the horizon. To be fair, the series takes the time to show her children trying to âkeep a safe distanceâ from her. But just for me to actually believe she was putting the well-being on her children before her own (specially as she is aware or beggining to be aware of her actions) I would loved to see her respect those boundaries. To approach the reconciliation in their terms only. Is difficult for me not to assume she is still using her kids as self regulation, including reconciling with them.
But I love how you worded all of this, how whatever grace is extended to Donna is gonna depend solely on her children. I guess them jumping to forgive her without any distance made me believe (watching it for the first time) that they forgave her and included her in their life under a sense of their own âresponsibilityâ towards her. When Carmy said âI'm sorry I wasn't hereâ it felt like he felt like he failed her still. Like he did something wrong when he was actively running away from her. And I would have loved the show to give Carmen the space to heal away from her specially cause I don't think they his suicide ideation were given a more cathartic focus, considering mikey's suicide is what started the show and the dramatic question of this story. Thought I guess they wanted Carmy to heal that deep sense of unworthiness with Sydney and his team instead of with Donna. Which is also deeply realistic to me. A relationship with Donna (or the lack of it) is not meant to heal them. The team and the creation of new things, the love, that's what is helping them heal.
We could have achieved more; we deserved more SydCarmy explicitly
I was disappointed that Storer didnât have Carmy sit down with the family during the meal; however, he charmed us with the image of Carmy devouring Sydâs Coca-Cola-braised ribs. Honestly, so many things could have been made more explicit⊠there were too many loose ends. I saw an article the other day about the showâs music, and it annoyed me all over again that they didnât include *any* âSydCarmyâ songs like âCome Backâ or âBlowing Kissesâ, while other tracks were highlighted. Iâll never forgive what they did to âStrange Currenciesâ, specifically the last time it played and who was involved. The instrumental tracks in the last season were great, but they deserved an iconic song, one that even critics and the most casual viewers would instantly associate with *them*, and not with anyone else. I donât want crumbs; I want everything Iâm entitled to, and they could have given us more! Anyway, Iâm relieved that the haters ignored the hug scene and were horrified by a kiss between Syd and Carmy, while finally realizing that Carmy didnât get back together with Claire. That Vulture article about Jeremy not getting an Emmy nomination for Season 4 and the claim that voters didnât like Claireâs drawn-out storyline had me celebrating! Sorry, Jeremy, but nobody could take that anymore! Maybe next time.
Yes! Okay I have a lot of opinions. To get Jeremy out the way. I find it interesting thr only time he didn't go nominated it was the only time his characters has not been depressed 87% of the run-time of the season. And about Claire, here is my theory, don't know if is me being naive but you can call me on that. I think her not being involved at all could be a signal that they weren't supposed to be endgame, because they been building for it so long...for her not to be mentioned at all? If they were endgame Disney would have surely pushed the hell out of it. But maybe that wasn't what Storer had planned in his foreshadowing (âthere is theoriesâhuh?) if we believe that then I find Disney capable of actually asking for an ambiguous ending for Sydcarmy so that's what we got.
I have a lot of grievances about the season, and I enjoyed a lot of things too. But it did seem like they didn't tied certain nods on purpose.
The biggest one for me was the Hamachi dish. They made Syd lie and therefore we don't know of Carmen actually understood what was about. If she lied she probably decided for another item of the Empire menu while he was there. So Carmen's expression could just be that he is flustered about being her favorite dish ever. Even of it was a code and he knows is about the hamachi, Sydney doesn't get to know that there was one dish that Carmen put his heart into, and that only her has eaten it. That they were tied by fate. He never tells her. He never tells her what that means for him. Is like they got stuck 5 words before the love confession.
I donât normally post stuff about Jeremy and Ayo cos thatâs not my thing but I will say him flaming out when asked what Ayoâs full first name was? That was a dead giveaway these two are just friends lol
Cos that answer? Flav? As someone with a non-Anglo name, my partner is not making that disrespectful-ass mistake lol
I wanted to repost this cause (got a similar sentiment to @whenmemorydies ) but I saw some people comment that Jeremy was a bad friend to Ayo, or that he is not as invested in their friendship as she is, but I really don't think so, I just think there is something else going on there. Take this with a grant of salt cause idk the full context/timeline.
I'm pretty sure they are still friends, even good friends, though I really believe there was a point when they wanted more than that. Regardless of how any of them handled that. I even wonder if they sometimes treat each other harshly because of it. At least I saw it as harsh. It's almost like they liked each other more when the series was starting. Those interactions between them trought seasons 1 and 2? It was sweet, devoted, not awkward at all, full of affection. They are very different now.
They gave (and sometimes they still give) this âalmost somethingâ vibe that ended badly. That photoshoot with her laughing and their hips touching? Yeah, there was something there. But idk, could Jeremy actitude toward her now been a result of the distance that grew between them trought season 3 and 4?
You are not gonna convince me the McGriddle wasn't an innuendo. Luca telling Marcus that he lied and had a McGriddle before Marcus bought it for him, was to give Marcus a hint that he is not the first man he has been in love with (maybe not even the first guy he has been with that tries to hide what they have). Fuckass lovers
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I think the statement "nor romantic nor platonic but a secret third thing" is kind of an oxymoron in many contexts, but especially in the context of shipping, and it definitely doesn't make any sense when it comes to sydcarmy.
One, cause that "secret third thing" would still be, by definition, still platonic.
The 'secret third thing,' to me, is just an attempt to put a name to elements mostly associated with romance: soulmatism, devotion, and a perpetual need/desire to be in each other's company. Even if those things can exist outside romantic feelings, in the case of Syd and Carmy, they have to be associated with romantic feelings, cause they do have romantic feelings for one another, despite what the narrative ever intended for those feelings.
So when all the "is a secret third thing" defenders come trought, what they are saying is that THEY SEE THE SOULMATISM, the things that cannot be fully explained by platonic love. They act like it's so noble to defend platonic love, but the truth is, most of the time, these defenders want the relationship to be categorized as definitely not romantic; they'd prefer this soulmatism to be totally devoid of any sexual/romantic possibility between the two people or characters. It is not different from this: "they were such good friends," used to describe queer closeted people in a relationship. This is a statement that is based on the idea that it would be 'better, more appropriate, more pure, more conventional, more noble' if these two particular people weren't involved in a sexual/romantic relationship. It is rooted in prejudice and social norms. (Cause God knows there are a lot of videogame 'fans' that sexualize characters that look like children, but that gets less hate than the interracial couple).
Back to the 'platonic' accusations.
Everything in Carmys and Syd's relationship: their artistic partnership, their friendship, their rivalry, ALL of that existed (and was built on) in the context of them having romantic feelings for one another, again, regardless of what they wanted to do with those feelings. All they did for each other, the ways they tried, failed, and succeeded to get closer to one another and be there for each other. All of that had the potential for a romantic resolution, built on a bridge of romantic desire (that was, most of the time, being actively repressed, yet it managed to surface every fucking time).
This point of "there should be space for platonic soulmates" is particularly obtuse to me when it's applied to sydcarmy. Cause
It is established that none of them has a romantic relationship that rivals this soulmate-like devotion. The show even went so far (by accident or intention) as to have Syd handle more of Carmen's struggles, doing so in such a selfless way that it was almost like they were telling us she was the better match for him and his recovery.
Both of them have expressed physical attraction and romantic feelings for each other. With Sydney, it's even in the text, in the things she says, in her themes on the show, and in the actions she takes. That was part of her character arc, even if you were to believe she was supposed to get over those feelings. For Carmen, it was most evident in his physical behavior around her and in the way he remained reminiscent of her in everything he did and considered her his ultimate safe zone.
Even if you believed that this feelings were always meant to be supressed, if you were blind or biased enough to not see Carmen feelings for Syd, or if you ignored Sydneys character in such an obtuse way so you believe her affection for him was always supposed to be one sided, this love triangle did leave a space for a romantic possibility between sydcarmy, cause that's what happens when you write a love triangle. The secret third thing is just a way to try to shame people that wanted them together, because we dare to believe Sydney was a better match for Carmen.
This is gonna sound crazy, but this season seemed to give us the showâs first attempt at fanservice. And even though I really believe Sydcarmy was endgame all along, can you imagine if it actually wasn't? And Molly is just that bad of an actor anf her character was written so shitty that 90% of the viewers don't give a shit about her and the show decided to removed her of the picture entirely? After this character is supposedly be the motivation for Carm to get better? He doesn't mention her, we don't see them even confirm they are together. Carmy and Sydneyâs hug is the true union that was given as a climax. Even if it was done this way just cause viewers don't like Claire but love Syd, I doubt that they couldn't has included at least a few lines of dialogue to confirm this supposedly true love endgame climax between Claire abd Carmen. But they didn't, cause she was never supposed lo be likeable, and the only people that ever liked or were ârooting for themâ only did it to make sure sydcarmy didn't happen. Is kinda hilarious tbh
Leading a two-star restaurant is⊠hard. Sydney's stressful. Everyone tells her to get laid. Carmy just wants to be very helpful.
âChapter 1: Stress
I was always gonna be mad if they redeemed Donna as an abusive parent in a show based on depicting the consequences of abuse. But Iâm especially mad that they redeemed her in a show where David Field exists. What transpired in the confrontation between Carmen and Fields was super important to me cause thatâs the reality of people who have been abused; the victim has to find healing on their own regardless of whether the abuser is ever gonna acknowledge or comprehend the effect of their actions. Carmy, like many victims, justified the abuse he went through with excuses provided by the abuser himself: âI made you the best â; âyou were a worthless piece of shit, and you needed meâ
Carmy wouldnât have accepted that treatment from Fields (or he wouldnât have processed it and justified it the way he did) if he hadnât been abused by Donna first, which on its own would have made for a more cathartic final if Carmen had decided to cut ties with Donna, at least for a while. To showcase his capacity to cut ties with the systems that oppressed him from the beginning, to acknowledge the core of the wound inside of him. Instead, getting an apology from Donna was apparently enough for Carmen to open himself up to enjoying life again. It really didnât; Syd made that happen for him even before he got to talk to Donna.
And the show tries to give you the idea that Donna understands she did bad things, that she acknowledged it the way Fields never did. And I think what they implied here is that Donna deserves a chance at redemption cause she knows what she did was wrong. Or that she is more likely to change cause she understands what she did.
Full stop, no. Nobody âdeservesâ anything; you are either given grace or not. That depends solely on the people you hurt. Carmen and Nat had the total right to cut Donna just while they recover from the things she put them through; they donât have a responsibility to care for or heal her just cause she is their mom. Thatâs literally the opposite of reality; they donât own her shit. Even if she tries to do right by them now, even if she loves them, cause she loved them plenty while she was abusing them too. Why is there a sad pause while discussing that Mickey was Donnaâs favorite? As if not worrying enough that the one kid who got the attention and adoration from Donna is also the one who felt the most trapped in life? Donna not only abused her children, but she also neglected them emotionally enough for them to carry into very unhealthy dynamics and coping mechanisms. For Carmen it was Fields and cooking, for Michael it was drugs and failed projects.
It would have made a bigger impact on me and my belief in Donnaâs capacity for change if she had ever allowed her kids to distance themselves from her, because she mainly used her kids as sources of emotional security throughout her life. Her understanding that she did bad things doesnât mean she understands why she did them. It doesnât imply that she now has the emotional maturity or coping mechanisms to avoid falling back into old habits and behaviors. Donnaâs behavior in s5 seemed somewhat childish, as if they were trying to portray her as a bear with no teeth left, as if she dropped all her vicious behavior the moment she decided to. That doesnât work like that.
Carmen has his own arc to overcome his trauma about being in the safe zone. His first and main safe zone is Sydney, then Richie, and his team. He doesnât feel the ghost of Fields hunting him anymore cause what he did to him was proven wrong- that, no matter how much he failed, he would always be worthy of love. Thatâs what happened when he dropped the dish, and Syd and Richie calmed him down.
I just donât think his ending with Donna is justified; it's like they wanted to sell an ending about believing in people, but they didnât connect that with the reality of abuse and trauma enough for it actually to feel honest. Like Storer tried to showcase the âbest scenarioâ, how he wishes his parents had acted with him, but in doing that, I think he betrayed the actual wisdom that could had helped people like him and Carmen; healing trauma is not about redemption or reconciliation, is about breaking loyalty to abusive systems, and victims have a right to do it regardless of that implies reconciliation or not. Most of the time, reconciliation is gonna be out of the question cause you cannot heal from something you are still justifying. You cannot be in a relationship with someone who only sees your happiness as a means to their own, and thatâs the vibe Donna still gives me, cause she never got truly confronted, and I donât know what she would do if she ever did. I donât have a reason to believe the old Donna is gone, just that it's gonna be a âresponsibilityâ for Carm and Nat to âhelp herâ and take care of her regardless, and I honestly hate that. Cause it implies that they are willing to take bad behavior from her just cause she is 'trying.â That her victims are supposed to be the ones to do therapy and healing to deal with her, and have to live with the consequences of what she did. Still, we donât have a clear definition of how she plans to make it easier for them; she doesnât sacrifice anything, not even a little time, distance or loneliness of her own, to prove that what she cares for most is the well-being of her children.
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Syd wakes up to him sitting next to her in bed, with his sketchbook and a pencil, doing studies of her ass. "Are you cold? Do you need to pee?" She looks at him like he's crazy.
She gestures for him to hand over the sketchbook. "I was doing your ear until you kicked off the covers like a whore."
She pages through it. She hands it back. She flips over so he can draw her tits if he wants.
He tries. He really does. But the sketchbook and the pencil are discarded on the floor about five minutes later.
