currently sleeping

📺 🚨 Emergency Broadcast 🚨 📺

Sure, he's funny and the old man is a little more tolerable because Hal is around to tamper down his temper on everyone's behalf, but the kids, for the most part, had only ever seen Hal as a fifo roommate who kisses their dad and has clearance just a level below their own

...until they got kidnapped in space.

They forgot who started it; but somehow with each person who got kidnapped in a rogue airship within the solar system, another two followed in an attempt to "rescue" them.

Now Dick, Jason, Damian, Tim and Cass were all comically suspended in cages, bickering about who gets to execute the rescue protocol and have to explain to Bruce why they're on an off-planet mission that he specifically blacklisted any heroes of their level to go on

Mid-bickering, the ship experiences trouble. The aliens are panicking, and they're all but ready to leverage the lives of their 5 young Earthling hostages to get out of the solar system aliev

And then there stood Hal Jordan, Greatest Green Lantern that Ever Lived, the Man Without Fear in all his furious glory

He starts speaking in tongues at the aliens, but the aura was very much giving "Give me back those kids and then FUCK OFF from MY solar system!"

The aliens are simpering apologies as they carefully free the kids under the discerning gaze of a clearly pissed off looking Green Lantern

Dick at least thought there would be a fight, but the aliens digressed.

"We apologize sincerely, Lantern Jordan. We did not know these were your children!"

"And if they weren't? Kidnapping them is fine? 😠 They're literally babies! It is not safe for them to be away from home for so long! 😤"

"Yes sir, we are so sorry now please do not make us all explode internally..."

Tim makes the mistake of coughing. COUGHING. It's just dust, he swears, but Hal goes livid and the cussing starts all over again because "THESE BABIES ARE CHRONICALLY ILL 🤬 HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN SCAN YOUR HOSTAGES YOU GALACTIC AMATEURS"

And the kids are just... babies? We're Hal's babies? When did that happen?

Cut to them being inside of the Watchtower, guiltily eating Batburgers while Hal is on a call with the Lanterns of the next sector about how "MY BOYFRIEND'S KIDS GOT KIDNAPPED BECAUSE A PIRATE ENTITY TRESPASSED YOUR SECTOR INTO MINE 😰😠"

Bruce isn't doing anything.

He's already done helping some to the bathroom, wiping some down, and any other daily tasks those immobilized, weakened, or otherwise need help accomplishing to feel as normal as they can. Now Damian has his violin out and is taking requests for songs the children want to hear. She knows he'll do this for 45 minutes, before switching to a group activity that engages all the children and tire them out before their naps.

Damian has been volunteering at this wing every 2 weeks for 6 months now. Talia has made sure she's privy to all his activities, even when she's not personally there to see it.

Damian has truly started to forge a path for himself, a path that neither she, nor his father have directly guided him towards. It's a path he chose in spite of what their expectations for him was. She couldn't be any prouder.

Pursuing a career in medicine was her dream too, once upon a time. A dream she had been forced to give up. A dream she hadn't hoped to be able to share with her son given their circumstances.

But Damian's heart had always been so kind, so caring. No training from the league was able to take it away. Now he's on the path to truly use his skills how his heart desires.

When Helen was of age to be married, all the Lords of Greece came to seek her hand. This was an issue for her stepfather the King of Sparta who could only pick one husband and then would have to deal with the far greater number of angry rejected suitors.

One suitor was Odysseus, then a younger man. He quickly ascertained that he had no chance of marrying Helen. Ithaca was too poor for him to even bring any proper gifts, let alone a dowry. But he did catch the eye of the King's niece, one Penelope.

Now Penelope was still a bit out of Odysseus' league, but not so much as Helen was. So he makes a deal with the King of Sparta. Support my bid to marry Penelope, and I'll give you a solution to this suitors problem. The King agrees, so Odysseus suggests all the suitors swear an oath to defend Helen's marriage from anyone who might strike against it. They all, including Odysseus, so swear, and Helen is married to Menelaus. The King proves as good as his word, and Penelope is wed to Odysseus.

Of course this means that Odysseus has now bound himself to fight for Helen and Menelaus. After an attempt to feign madness he is forced to fulfill his duty.

Just need more people to know it's a thing

His attempt at feigning madness is actually lightly referenced in epic the musical by making Odysseus the one to kill the baby

When Helen was of age to be married, all the Lords of Greece came to seek her hand. This was an issue for her stepfather the King of Sparta who could only pick one husband and then would have to deal with the far greater number of angry rejected suitors.

One suitor was Odysseus, then a younger man. He quickly ascertained that he had no chance of marrying Helen. Ithaca was too poor for him to even bring any proper gifts, let alone a dowry. But he did catch the eye of the King's niece, one Penelope.

Now Penelope was still a bit out of Odysseus' league, but not so much as Helen was. So he makes a deal with the King of Sparta. Support my bid to marry Penelope, and I'll give you a solution to this suitors problem. The King agrees, so Odysseus suggests all the suitors swear an oath to defend Helen's marriage from anyone who might strike against it. They all, including Odysseus, so swear, and Helen is married to Menelaus. The King proves as good as his word, and Penelope is wed to Odysseus.

Of course this means that Odysseus has now bound himself to fight for Helen and Menelaus. After an attempt to feign madness he is forced to fulfill his duty.

Just need more people to know it's a thing

And all the people complaining about Lupita Nyong'o playing Helen are gonna have their heads spinning at Puerto Rican Odysseus, Polites wearing glasses, Black Eurylochus, Black Antinous, Black Ares, British Circe, and British Hermes.

And all the people complaining about Robert Pattinson Antinous saying "You're pining for a daddy you didn't even know, like some sniveling bastard" are gonna have to deal with the What Saga and Holy Moly.

Jason: Sam, you could do anything to me and I would not care.

Sam: Man with confidence. Cute.

Jason: You know damn well that you love this.

Sam: Much to my dismay it just seems to be a trend for me.

Jason: Somewhat undead boyfriend?

Sam: Questionable moral boyfriend that doesn't care if I used them in a witchy seance.

Jason: I mean? If I qualify wouldn't it be in my heroic duty to stop you from doing it to someone else?

Sam: Heroic? You? Don't make me laugh.

Jason: But you did smile so I call it a win.

Sam: Because you are cheesy.

Jason: I'm a romantic at heart.

Sam: And people find you scary. If only they could see you now.

Jason: They would be jealous as I'm living the dream.

Sam: Getting scarified?

Jason: Letting my hot witch girlfriend do things to me.

Sam: Didn't think you liked Dark Romance.

Jason: I like romance in general.

Sam: Fair enough. Should have figured as much Mister Crimelord.

Jason: Ha! I knew you liked that.

Sam: Shut up.

Jason: Nope you have boosted my ego.

Sam: As if your head isn't already filled with air.

Jason: Give me a kiss.

Sam: No.

Jason: Come on!

Sam: Keep pouting and Ill trade you for a belladonna plant.

Jason: Good to know I'm worth so much.

Sam: Oh my ancients.

hello blellow nation enjoy this stupid lil thang

textless ver. bc i realized i covered up yellows silly bolo tie

[Image ID: The Destiel confession meme edited so that Dean answers 'JK Rowling posted upskirt photos of a woman on Twitter' to Cas 'I love you'. /End ID]

No one doing this should be allowed to call themselves a feminist.