dont touch my eggs

Happy Wet Beast Wednesday

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

good thing they didnt have Grindr during the age of sail imagine coming into range of the enemy and in the tense quiet before the storm all your officers' phones go off

used to be jump scares on youtube videos was the sudden demon or the screaming woman. now jump scares in videos is the nordvpn or the betterhelp. really makes you think. really makes you consider. really makes you believe. really makes you investigate. really makes you bifurcate. really makes you spiralize. really makes you shiver and dance. it makes you shed your skin. it makes you engage in futile acts. it really makes you partition the hard drive. it makes you cut apart the hard drive. making you dissect the hard drive. making you reconstitute the hard drive. making you fill the hard drive with a glue-like substance. making you fill the hard drive with a glue-like substance that is derived from beans. i am making you fill the hard drive with a glue-like substance that is derived from beans.

Male Hysteria is a condition where a prolonged lack of prostate stimulation causes the patient to behave eratic and promiscuous, often to the detriment of his own life and the lives of others. Unfortunately it has never been diagnosed even once because nobody cares about mens mental health

i pull out my handgun and shoot myself in the head and the bullet flies cleanly through the hole that was already there from when i shot myself in the head last week