there's no happy ending without you

extremely funny that in high school i always said that i never wanted to take an art class in my life (despite being an artist as a hobby) and i never wanted to go to school for it or have it as a job and now im doing a bachelor of fine arts degree as an adult. and what's even worse is that i still dont want to take art classes or have it as a job nothing has changed in that regard </3 not looking forward to it tbh especially cuz i have no experience with any sort of art class at any level of school unlike im assuming every other student who would've taken art in high school (especially bcuz of where i live)

university of british columbia is (allegedly) one of the highest rated universities in canada and top 50 in the world and actually has a film production program so logically i should be planning to attend there instead but everything i have heard locally about that school is so awful i don't want to go there 😭😭 don't make me go to fucking ubc

american prices are so much better (and they always have better coupons/discounts/deals) it would legitimately be cheaper to order my cats medicine to my american friends and have them ship it to me directly 😭😭 but unfortunately they won't let you send drugs over the border. and my prescription wouldn't be valid in america. because they hate poor people

i have to buy an antifungal medication for my cats that's really expensive (it would've been more expensive at the vet like $300 but they said i could use the human version instead and get it from a pharmacy) and obviously insurance doesn't cover cat medication so im trying to google to see which pharmacy has the cheapest price etc i feel like im LARPing as an american

the united states government could become a fascist dictatorship doing a full trans genocide rounding up queer ppl into the camps and making it illegal to be gay and you know @ jacknjellify on twitter dot com would still be posting their gay tennis ball ms paint doodle for pride month #allyship

my therapist asked me if i had any other lgbtq ppl in my life and i was like i honestly don't think i have a single friend or acquaintance in my life who ISN'T some form of transgender or nonbinary 😭😭

my other burden when trying to name women is that i dont know how to spell anyone's name

i could easily name 100 women probably but most of my friends and acquaintances are nonbinary so i feel like i would end up naming a lot of nonbinary people who could technically be included under the umbrella of women in that they are not men But i would be worried about what is actually defined as a women in this context.... what is a women...... how do you know if someone is actually a woman or secretly nonbinary or trans unless you yourself are able to know their personal experience with gender identity. Who is a woman how would you know!!!!!

i feel like the fact that throughout my life my classmates/peers have always been supportive and kind to me but my close friends absolutely HATED me and bullied me and committed psychological warfare against me to the point of severe suicidal ideation in middle school has done irrevocable harm to my ability to have healthy social relationships bcuz i can literally only trust people who i don't know personally. as soon as you're my freind the assumption is intent to harm

im so fucking bored and lonely im starving for conversation. i never get to talk to anyone and have no human connection even online. i feel like nobody likes me and im incapable of having a positive social interaction with anyone irl that isn't a fucking social worker or therapist or doctor. and they're literally paid to pretend to like me. i feel like a lab experiment. they're testing me to see how long someone can go without experiencing any joy or happiness in their life before they kill themselves