This is real quick off the cuff but:
AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO āholy shit my friend is in an abusive relationshit what do I doā
1. Donāt start shit with the abuser. Your friend? Will pay for it.
I once had a friend slap my abuser.
I am not going to tell you the price I paid b/c Iāve already puked once today and I would like to not do it again.
I once threatened a friendās abuser.
I almost lost that friend over it.
2. Ā Understand that the abuser is going to be isolating them.
They may be telling your friend how terrible you are. Any slight- no matter how small will be played up into a big thing. and even if the friend doesnāt hold it against you- it will probably effect how much they reach out to you.
Abusers like to tell their marks things like āOh? A missed your call. Its because they hate you and think you complain too muchā
The best way I can tell you to combat that- is justā¦ donāt hold it against them. If they withdraw, donāt be that person like āwell if you really cared about me youād have fought for meāĀ
The people who helped the most were those that I felt like.. I could go weeks without talking to and then theyād still listen if I got the courage to come back around.Ā
If you can- work with them to try and schedule things so that they can have support without their abuser getting suspicious. School projects, open places. shit like that.
3. Donāt argue with them that shit is abusive.
Donāt be that person. It will make them feel unsafe with you.
The friends who argued were friends I lost. They were the ones it was easiest for him to make go. Cause hereās the thingā¦ people view isolating as an abuser saying āyou canāt talk to them!ā and a lot of times its not that.. its an abuser sitting down and saying in a real quiet voice āyou two argue a lot, and they arenāt respecting you. But Iāll always be here for you okay?ā Ā
The most you can do is say āhey.. you know you deserve better than that right?ā and if they argue go āIām not going to argue with you. I donāt want to upset you.Ā
4. If they ask for resources, help them get them.
Donāt offer them unless asked or it will turn into a fight and see above.
5. If they say theyāre out of options- help them brain storm ones.
hereās an easy opening to ask if itās okay to help them find resources.
6. Be nice to them. consistently.
Too many people were too busy trying to convince me that he was a bad guy- that spending time with them just hurtā¦
and at least when I was with him it only hurt some of the time.
I got out because I had 4-5 good friends who I had good times with and I finallyā¦. there was the light of āoh god this is what healthy relationships feel like. ā
7. Donāt shove. Donāt pressure.
You can say āIāll be here for you when youāre ready to leaveā
You can remind them of this occasionally.
But donāt be a coercive dick.
Donāt hurt people being abused.
That should not be that hard of a lesson.
Donāt say victim blaming shit to convince them to leave.,
Donāt threaten to leave them if they donāt leave.
vaporwave
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline
jbbartram-illu
dededos
baratheonpilled
