Life Is...

I love being gay. imagine not wanting to kiss girls. couldn't be me

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

*Puts hand over gaud’s mouth* It’s a butterfly pea. Please ignore the Latin name.

*dirty talking* you’ve been a very bad boy and im just going to straight up kill you now

I fail to see how the Monsters of Inc. were persuaded to care about the welfare of children who to them were no more than an anonymous, alien resource necessary for the convenience of their lives. They weren't even the same species of them. Yet they overhauled their whole energy economy to be more humane toward this hated other, which had no legal rights in their society, and which most of them had never even seen. It really makes no sense, if anything it's sort of a perversion, like if you actually lived with that level of concern and empathy you wouldn't be able to function at all. You would be, just, fucking debilitated. Just psychologically crushed. Idk it's just not that plausible to me. And Randall, the lizard. He isn't that fuckable either.

and the winner of superwholock is officially??? no one. we all lost. congrats team

The communist party never really issued cards, when one refers to card carrying members of that party, they refer to Magic: The Gathering cards, a popular game among Lenin and his friends.

the scariest thing about old tv isnt really the racism or the sexisim because you kinda go in braced for that it's all the scenes where suddenly an actress is holding a lion cub or a chimpanzee is in the same room as a toddler, or suddenly theres a lion, or there's a chimpanzee again but it's driving a car, or holding a lighter, or holding fireworks. You just kind of watch in horror as over and over an actress performs with only 1960s tv film shootings best animal handling between her and the opening to Nope.

funniest sound in the world is a cat smacking shit hard as fuck with their little stupid paw

i saw a cat with an honest to god balled-up fist getting ready to hit someone the other day and it made me laugh so hard i cried