"Of course they are swarming your cave, you dolt! You captured a juvenile queen and took it home with you, what did you expect!?"

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

damn your pussy fat and long and hard and outside

I habe some bad news

BOTH TOWERS?

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

advertising lemonade is pointless. the human body already knows it needs it

Girl snooping on a guy's phone after he has sex with her and sees "Pussy lore" and "pussy ending explained" in his search history

in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed

The UK gets a new prime minister just whenever. Completely random intervals

It may seem random but it’s actually not! We get a new prime minister after the previous one enters a protective chrysalis after a period of relentless eating and growing, and they then dissolve into a biological soup. They then reform into the new adult prime minister. It really beautiful to see 🥰