Shae

Here’s what I would reply:

Hello Kevin. I appreciate your apology but find fault in several things you said.

I know you’re just trying to cover your ass by apologizing— truly commendable. I see you shaking in your boots, how you tried to offer a cigarette to my friends as a peace treaty when they approached you about the subject.

Maybe now you’re starting to understand the fear that you have instilled in me since that day.

Can you imagine? Almost a year of living in fear, anger and self-loathing? I can. But you never will.

However I will begin addressing your thoughtful message here:

People are calling YOU horrible names? Remember when you raped me? I can name some of the horrible things you called me— such as “dumb bitch” or “fucking slut” or “whore.”

Now tell me, what did I do to deserve to be raped, and what did I do to deserve to be called those things?

Now, please explain to me why YOU don’t deserve to be called “horrible names”?

As I see it, people are just calling you what you are.

And I appreciate that you regret that you behaved rudely at the party, however you should really regret that you ever laid your hands on me. There are resources for women like me— for victims.

And will I stop— maybe. You’re not worth my energy anymore. I’m tired of waking up in cold sweats from nightmares of what you did to me. I’m tired of having to walk around Isla Vista, always watching my back, for fear of seeing you and having a panic attack. I’m tired of fearing for my safety late at night, when I’m alone in my bed. I’m tired of feeling disgusting in my own body— for hating my own body— for what you did to me. I’m tired of not being able to trust men anymore. In short, I’m tired of you.

This is about so much more than you and your self-entitled sense of a deserved comfort.

I think the point you’re missing here, is your actions—singling out and assaulting women— have a lasting impact on them for the rest of their lives.

Women like me deserve to have our stories told, for as you’ve said before— there are two sides to every story. We all know yours. Stop trying to silence the victim. It’s not a good look, love.

Also you should know... I’m not the one who sent that text string out— you know the one. Other people are catching onto you now, and you really can’t put that on me anymore. Perhaps you shouldn’t shit where you eat, huh?

Also, this should ease your mind— I have made no page about you and literally have only told my closest friends about this trauma you caused me.

However, it’s only for so long that the stronger women, like me, can push it down and stay silent. This is about the well-being and sense of security that women so desperately wish to have, but can’t because of people like you who choose to make actions, such as the ones you commit.

But my dear, rape is not the only R word you will come to know. Retribution shall be swift and sweet should you continue this trend.

But, I’ve suffered enough. If you keep this kind of stuff up, you’ll get yours too. And that I can promise.

I think you should be grateful I’m only telling my peers about you, rather than the cops. You should count your blessings, my friend.

But I do hope you someday realize that what happened that night, April 21st, 2018, was not consensual. Perhaps you were too drunk to realize it, perhaps not. Not for me to say. In my eyes, you don’t care— and you’re either a truly misogynist uneducated buffoon, or you’re a sociopath. Which sounds better to you? You need to promise to stop doing this to other girls. I know you have- I know another girl who has been assaulted by you.

Did you stop to think when you decided to do that to me (and to at least one other girl that I know of), that perhaps you’d be ruining my life, our lives? But no, it’s all about Kevin and keeping his rep, and protecting himself from women truly seeing him for what he is.

I do hope you one day learn the true meaning of consent. That 1) intoxication is by no means a form of consent, and 2) consent can be given and taken away at will.

It truly disgusts and horrifies me that there really are men like you in this world, who not only do things like this, but are self-righteous about it, attempting to play the victim, attempting the persuade other men that YOU’RE the one that has been wronged.

But I understand it. I understand you. You’re not all that hard to figure out.

You’re terrified.