Constant Nothing

why is this so fucking funny 

it’s a joke

last semester i was at a party and i checked my phone for the time and this guy took a glance at my lock screen over my shoulder and said “is that naruto?” and my drunk ass turned around and said “you know him?”

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

elle and jake wouldn’t make it a competition, they’d want us to appreciate the other for doing a darn good job.

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life

“wrong! you owe me seven dollars”

“WHA -HA-ADO YOU MEAAAN????”

this man gives off wildly chaotic trickster fey vibes

“WRONG IT’S THE KING OF DIAMONDS! YOU JUST GOTTA LISTEN!”

This is someone you would find in a dark alley dressed as a wizard

THIS IS PURE GOLD

I would not trust this man in my house

who just sent me money “for being perfect”

^ yup.

Reblog to let your followers know it’s okay to send you $40 for “being perfect”

I’ll also accept $20 for “being pretty okay”

I’d take $10 for “She’s alright most of the time, I guess”

I’ll take $5 for “she’s okay when she’s not posting stuff”

$2.50 for “Completes autonomic biological functions adequately”

I will accept 10 cents for being a bitch

this is an oddly specific post are you ok

A masterpiece

Put this in the MoMA