Your Big Sis Nissi

New Episode!

I know people always say “this time is different” after doing the same thing over and over and over again…..but I’m back in therapy and this time is different. I am excited to share with you my journey to finally finding a therapist I trust to be with me on this journey to finding me.

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And the pain that used to keep you up at night and kept your pillow soaked either tears

Won’t even cross your mind

And then it will hit you that you can’t remember the last time you felt a pain so intense in your heart that you thought you couldn’t possibly survive or get through it

It will hit you that you’re made it through the worst days of your life

And you’re still here

You survived

Life didn’t end

I finally don’t feel like a newly wed, I feel like a capital “w” Wife

I don’t mean that the love and butterflies have faded. 13 years later I still love just watching him sleep and counting hits eyelashes

But it’s taken 6 years to find our rhythm. To work like we’re in sync. Where he can anticipate my needs and he can anticipate mine.

I think it’s important to first think about what we mean when we say “the one.” That specifically I’m not talking about the perfect person, or the one that satisfies my every fantasy of what a husband should be. In answering this question, I will answer how did I know my husband was the one God wanted for me.

Besides the fact that I was instantly attracted to him, his intellect, his humor, etc., God gave me a vision of a future He had for me and my husband was a part of that. I knew he was the one God wanted for me because I felt convicted that whatever I went through in life, having him by my side would be essential. Him, his family, his values, we were compatible. The goals and dreams we had, were compatible. We fit. Life was crazy but my security was always in having my husband in my life made the crazy less crazy.

Before you as someone “when are you having kids?” Or make comments about someone’s lack of children

Silently pray for them. Just pray that God will cover that family. Maybe they want kids. Maybe they don’t. Maybe they have been trying. Maybe they haven’t. Maybe it’s been uneventful. Maybe it’s been a path of tragedy.

I mean, I suppose it depends on the situation. But it sounds like you only want to go back to him because he gave you attention. You didn’t say you realize that he’s the right person for you. Just that he loved you. People who intentionally choose to be in relationships with people who care about them when they don’t feel the same are actually manipulating their partner. So be careful.

Thank you for asking! Life is really busy. For those of you who don’t know, I am an attorney so I handle litigation for the NYC Department of Education. But I’m also an adjunct professor at a community college and assistant professor at a law school. I’m teaching Intro to Crim Justice, Constitutional Law and Business Law at the college, Fundamental Lawyering Skills at the law school. Once September comes, I get super super busy! I also am actively involve in ministry and on Sundays I teach a class called Emerging Leadership, focused on developing leadership skills for those in their 20s and 30s. My husband and I are also co chairs for the young adult ministry at our church.

Speaking of husband, my husband had surgery this summer (broke his ankle and ruptured his patella tendon in his knee), so this whole summer has been about helping him heal. Now that September is here, he’s 2 months post op and back to work (he’s a teacher). So our September is super busy. He’s also in grad school so we’ve both gone from having the summer for rest and recovery to being CONSTANTLY busy lol.

This summer we celebrated one year in our new home. If I can be honest, at the time we bought the house I was pregnant. So it was hard at first to love this house when it felt so empty. It was so hard to walk past the empty room that was supposed to be a nursery. This summer I have spent time focusing on filling our house with love. I’ve fallen in love with gardening and hosting people at our home. It’s helped me to love our home and see God’s blessing, even through the tough times.

Married life is great. There are challenges but he continues to be my best friend through all this. We’re both very very busy. But that busyness is centered around things that we love: our home, our community, our family. We have had to be more intentional about spending time though. On Friday we made drinks and homemade pizza because we realized we’ve been going going going and haven’t spent time. So that’s honestly our biggest challenge.

but how or why do you believe that being pro-abortion is the Christian stance?

Despite logic and reason we are trying again

I have faith in God and His promises

I was at dinner and my mom was talking about getting ready to retire.

At this dinner, a man who I dont know said to me “why haven’t you had children? Why haven’t you given her grand children? If she had grand children she’d be ready to retire because she would be able to take care of her grandchildren. Instead she’s working herself. Give her some grandchildren.”

I just…

Idk people say crazy shit to me

What am I supposed to say to that?

Anyway I replied “well, that’s not up to me” and left it there

Because I know he’s saying nonsense. But I also do know my mom is getting older. And pray for the day she can rest, surrounded by grandchildren.

I pray for that day