He was clownin'

walking down the street and saw someone walking the other direction with a pig in a harness and leash and I stupidly asked, "is that a pig?" and he replied, "I sure hope it is, it was a pig when I left the house"

if you're washed chopped and cooked then you might be vegetables

Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

imagine if something gay happened

I like when the bus stops directly in front of you out of the line of waiting people and opens its doors. Chosen by the dragon

I hate this post. Ever since I read it I can't help but think "chosen by the dragon" whenever the bus stops in front of me or "denied by the dragon" when it doesn't. Every. single. time. That's a minimum of ten times a week. Do you know how annoying that is

@hellsite-hall-of-fame @worldheritagepostorganization

is this the ORIGINAL?!???

oh holy shit i didn’t even know where this meme came from

OH MY ACTUAL GOD THE ORIGINAL

ORIGINALS ON THE ROLL

real talk I think steampunk is kinda neat like sorta neat you'know like as a little touch of spice to a setting that shouldn't normally have that kinda stuff. like a robot arm here a gun there some contraptions elsewheres. like skies of arcadia levels of steampunk is pretty much ideal. but y'see ultimately I'm pro-steampunk as a concept. but real talk for a second if your setting has a place called "the clockwork [location or concept]" I'm gonna beat you to death with hammers.

Sounds like someone's just salty theyre stuck in my clockwork labyrinth again

I know you're laughing at me I can hear the sprockets on your brown tophat jingling and once I find my way out of here you're fucking toast dude

It even crashes like a car in a ps2 game

I know this sounds jokey and funney but I am serious and it is ableist and infantilising and inaccessible so stop

okay you know that scan/photo of a teen girl’s diary entry that goes like “wore yellow dress today. chris keeps trying to talk to me even though he KNOWS i’m not interested! ugh! man landed on moon.” anyway that’s the mood

I keep thinking about this post as I check in on the Artemis II mission throughout the day in between doing my normal tasks. My texts to my girlfriend look like “Aw man I was making pasta for dinner and I dropped the box and now there’s macaroni all over the floor. Houston and Integrity Crew are go for translunar injection by the way”

The view from Calvin's neighbor's house.