Canon (Derogatory)

My boss, putting on white grease paint and a red wig: Oh, of course! Let’s do it quickly so that you’ll want to keep working with us since you’re going to be making business decisions!

Me: I would sell you to satan for one corn chip and I’m allergic to corn but before you do this maybe you should call someone who is actually on our contact list for our customer and see if they’ve ever heard of this stranger.

My boss, looking through a selection of shoes that honk when you walk: Oh, but she said that it was very important that none of the employees know what was happening because they’re making staffing changes.

Me: As your lawyer I recommend that you just call a single one of our contacts and see if they’ve ever heard of her name.

My boss, shoving all of our technicians into a VW beetle: You’re not my lawyer.

Boss: On the bright side, it’s only the last five

“Hello I am [name] from [security firm] we’ve been hired to verify the security of the facility I need to see your computers.”

“Erm…I’ll have to verify that with my managers.”

“Congratulations, you have just passed the security verification.” [Scribbles on clipboard] “But in all seriousness I do need to verify your security so I need to see your computers.”

Endurance runners

One of the kids: "did she just throw away your socks?"

Kid 2: "she threw away my socks!!!!"

Me: "oh, are these yours?"

Kid 2: "my mistake, I'll get them."

Me: -sets them back where i found them- "just keep an eye on your stuff, ok?"

Mom, appearing from nowhere. "She's 8. Mistakes happen."

Me: "just advising to keep an eye on her stuff is all."

Mom: "Don't parent my kids."

"Did some lady yell at you yesterday?"

"This about the socks?"

"...this is about fuckin socks? Go on, tell me your side."

(Shorter version)

Boss: "So i generally assume everyone in a park is crazy so I dont say nothin."

Me: "truly, I was not going to, but I was not expecting her to be right there and I panicked. What did she say about it?"

Boss: "pretty much that, but she yelled for a minute about how you had no business parenting her kids."

Me: "it was a really weird thing to say."

Google set out about a decade ago to push their (relatively unpopular) chromebooks by supplying them below-cost to schools for students, explicitly marketing them as being easy to restrict to certain activities, and in the offing, kids have now grown up in walled gardens, on glorified tablets that are designed to monetize and restrict every movement to maximize profit for one of the biggest companies in the world.

Meanwhile this was what various medical professionals in that reddit thread had to say about it.

The process is actually quite sophisticated, and requires the presence of a full-grown goth to trigger it. A pupal-stage proto-goth, at this point completely indistinguishable from any other small human child, only needs to encounter a mature specimen once - and while the initial imprinting that ensues will only take seconds, the incubation period often takes more than a decade, even several.

The first visible step of the transformation is triggered when the dormant goth suddenly gains awareness that they have free will and can do whatever they want with their appearance. While the progress may be gradual, or seem like the transformation happened all at once overnight, the initial seed was planted years ago. And now, in full bloom, a fully-fledged mature adult goth may finally be happy.

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME