words aren't enough. you have to show me.

my favorite thing about crocodiles is yeah they're fantastic swimmers and yeah they can run pretty fast and yeah the smaller ones can even climb trees but also. they don't wanna do any of that shit. they just go no, no thanks. that's not for me. i think i'll just wait for someone to mistake me for a log and get too close. and then i'll eat them. many reptiles love this strategy but none pull it off like the humble croc

Nuthatch just weighed every single individual seed from the handful I spread on my porch railing. Threw them on the ground one by one. Then finally found one it liked and flew off with it

Goldilocks and the 30 sunflower seeds

People who recycle and put their trash in their pocket until they find a trash can and people who pick up liter when they see it and people who still cut the six-pack rings so animals don’t get trapped or choke on them and people who move turtles out of the road and people who stop for ducks and geese to cross all have a very special place in my heart. You are so good to this world and earth. I hope you know that.

may grant is such a funny name. like she may grant what

if you just want your effete dilettante twink to have an emotionally distant servant who brings him tea after fucking him then the term you are looking for is VALET

if the setting is military and you want to really fuck with the A03 tags then the term is BATMAN

sorry can you repeat that, i got as far as "effete dilettante" and got so bricked up i was walking like a cowboy for 45 minutes

ok i dont remember writing the “walking like a cowboy for 45 minutes” part at all and didnt know all the notifs for this post were for the version where i display a level of vulgarity usually reserved for team fortress 2 fanfic. im sorry everyone

I forget the agency responsible for it, but this is Absolutely worthy of a false advertising lawsuit.

do you want to come over and care about me

so last year during a period of intense suicidal depression i made this necklace that i always wear, right, and the thing is it's genuinely brought me a lot of comfort and relief and i've developed a strong sentimental attachment to it, to the point that i can inarguably state that it's had a net positive effect on my mental wellbeing. however i did now just have to stop to almost throw up laughing because i realised that i've succumbed to the amulet.

you can't spend your time convincing people you matter.

Unfortunately you will talk like a tumblr user for your entire life. Sorry.