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God I fucking hate Olaf the snowman so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every frame he's in, every scene, every gif, every jpeg, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid lumpy face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit character design is endearing. His stupid fucking legs? Who the hell makes a snowman with legs. His dumb flaily fucking twig arms? His shitty, lumpy bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking SNOW BUCK TOOTH that no snowman has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GOD'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a stuffed toy Olaf or an Olaf gif or a shitty goddamn commercial, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Bhurr blur, I'm Olaf the fuckshit snow fucker, I like warm hugs". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like Tow Mater summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking twig hair makes your whole shitty head look like a hairy skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking lumpy carrot nose and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass upbeat asshole personality. Any scene he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over a chocolate bar in a w*lmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking side character in a stupid fucking children's movie, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Wrath itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the highway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing character design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the snow dick is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class suburban drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no cuss or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking nose. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a fictional work is evidence of all the failures of mankind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Angel gone rogue with the belief that God has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Samael himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a plastic grocery bag floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fictional snowman
I'd feel better about this whole rant if Olaf weren't queer-coded. It might be largely the voice acting – the lisp, the inflection especially – but he's got massive "harmless gay sidekick" vibes. And if you're actively critiquing that? Sure, great, go all out. Hate whom you will. Say whatever you want about how "gay" is equated with "harmless silly sidekick used for comic relief, with no serious bearing on the plot, literally inhuman and treated by Serious Human Characters as... well,a sidekick, peripheral to your life and safe to ignore.
But if you're not engaging critically with that aspect of his character and are just overwhelmed with hatred whenever you see or hear or think about the queer-coded character and his mannerisms make you feel violent, that is a little bit. Uncomfortable. At best.
In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.
Yeah, the English native song writer didn't always get where we* would make the specific mistakes he's imitating (mixing up "how" and "what" in questions for instance); though he did hit upon others (over-usage of the definite article "the" where English users wouldn't use it; also, generally speaking, just forgetting the 's' in third person singular)
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in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday
the following events ensued:
1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?
2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes
3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes
4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Hello denizens of tumblr, Best of the Super Juniors is quickly approaching and I finally have more time on my hands which means a very quick little post (my definition of one) about Dragongate's entry into the tournament this year, Hyo.
As much as I respect Chris and Walker, it can be really hard to know what you're talking about when it comes to wrestlers from other promotions. I've heard it happen before to other Dragongate guys with other English commentary tables unfortunately. So to supplement what will be told about him, I'm making this.
If you have any questions after reading this, please ask! I don't bite…most of the time.
Let's get this thing started, shall we?
"Leopardess-chan's Lover"
Hyo (豹)
Born: 4th of January 1997.
Hometown: Toyohashi city, Aichi prefecture.
Height: 163 cm (5'4").
Weight: 72 kg (158 lbs).
Debut: 14th of August 2016.
Twitter and Instagram
"Soooo, he's a catboy?"
Let me get this explained first and foremost because it's rather important to his…everything. Hyo's real name is Hyo Watanabe, and for those who aren't aware Hyo means leopard. This is why he:
Has leopard print and fur on his gear.
Wears a tail to the ring.
Sometimes wears a collar (sometimes more of a choker).
Has a paw hand pose.
Calls his fans Mehyo-chan which is leopardess-chan (Hyo's fanbase is mostly women but he's said himself it's a gender netural term and anyone can be a Mehyo).
Runs around the ring on all fours and, of course,
MyonMyon (his snow leopard plushie friend pictured above who is also multiple snow leopard plushies, Hyo has a whole colony of them).
"Wait, he's also like...a stripper or something?"
Hyo has been affectionately described as a male stripper by a portion of the Dragongate fanbase, because this is also basically another thing he is. He enjoys being as scantily clad as possible (suspenders with no shirt or a shirt that has been cut up so much it's barely a shirt anymore), loves flexing until you're a little worried he's gonna pass out and once upon a time he used to literally run around the ring and collect Hyo Dollars (fake money with Hyo's face on it) from fans who would stick them into his suspenders or pants like he was a literal stripper. They stopped doing that because fans were giving Hyo their ACTUAL MONEY.
The funniest part about this is the last two Mania's in Vegas Hyo has brought this bit back.
Tangentially related to this is Hyo's love of attention. He very much feeds off the people, and this involves the Mehyo's in the crowd yelling "HYO!" at him in matches and him responding to each and every one with a pose towards the sound. This has been utilised as a technique from Hyo's opponents to get the jump on him, as you can just lure him closer and closer to you by going "HYO!" and he won't fully realise who he is responding to until it's too late.
"But...who IS Hyo?"
Hyo is a former 2x Open The Brave Gate champion (think: IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship), former 1x Open The Twin Gate champion (tag title belts) and 4x Open The Triangle Gate championship (trio tag belts). Yes Dragongate have different names for every title you get used to it very quickly.
Despite what you might think when looking at Hyo and what I've just told you about him, not only does Hyo have what could be described as a tragic story in Dragongate but also a multi-year past as a beloathed heel.
He was a heel from late 2019 all the way until late 2023. Evolving alongside the group as members left, joined and the faction itself changed from R.E.D to Z-Brats. He went from just another grunt to the mastermind behind a coup and the man who brought one of the most important people into the group's fold, Shun Skywalker. Shun, his fellow 2016 debutant and friend. Shun, the man who would drive Hyo to leave Z-Brats after Shun betrayed their mutual friend Diamante (now known as Luis Mante). Hyo and Mante would form the faction Big Hug, and would fight tooth and nail to recruit Jacky Kamei (something that would cost Hyo his hair) before Big Hug would be forcefully disbanded far too soon.
Faction-wise, Hyo is now in Love & Peace (fka Gold Class) after being fought over in a Hyo contra Hyo match.
A lot has happened to Hyo to make him who he is now, and he shows that with his borrowing from other eras of himself in his matches. He's brought back the tarantula, one of his moves from when he was just a rookie, as well as the Zero Point Kick, another one of his moves but instead from when he was a heel. He's unabashedly himself, having become unafraid of who he is and how that can interfere with his image. He ruminates on how jealous he is of Shun and Ben-K and how he wants to crush them. He happily accepts Shun's description of him as "extremely disgusting", because he's also "extremely beautiful."
I wonder how you'll feel about him by the end of BOSJ?
guys i am saying this with all the love in the world in my heart but you have to put your fics under a read more because i refuse to scroll through 28k words of atla smut just because you didn't click a button
andulkaphoto
kianamaiart
germansingergirl
