hot dogs eating contest winning loser

no offense but you guys need to learn the difference between someone implying their experience is universal and a post simply just not being about you

rage bait idea: like your own texts during an argument

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

wait! au au

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

"retiring for the evening" is a very useful concept lol we should be free to say "i'm not gonna be chatting anymore tonight" without then having to pretend to be asleep. if we ever talk and you say goodnight don't stress it if i see you online later hahahahah

my homunculus just wasted like $60 in ink printing out all these fucking soyjack edits of me. how about 'that feel when i dont feed you for a week' you little asshole

Item: Orb of Gorilla Summoning

lucky for me i cant see any light at the end of the tunnel. its all dark. all dark around me and cold too

Thank god

“Doctor [sic] Whatever”

Scooter so very cold, scooter need fire to keep warm, scooter not explode in fire, you crazy

I want to carry them around in a bandolier

his stewardship of the elf stones is secondary

I mean, in some very interesting Technically Correct ways, they didn't actually die? Now, they're very much no longer alive. But the forces involved are such that they didn't get any of the usual cellular processes of death, they simply went from biology to physics in less time than it takes a signal to travel down your optic nerve.

if you go from biology to physics without dying first you don’t go to heaven the uber driver went over this already