Disorginized Bitch Territory™

*pointing at your wife*: you know that thing would eat you if you died, right?

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

my names sweetie 3000 because the last 2999 sweeties were all destroyed

had some time to chat with the verizon wireless guy while my phone was getting set up and he’s a straight guy it turns out he has two moms and used to DJ for drag events. culturally LGBT

Sometimes you get a brief glimpse into the American worldview and decide that you don't want to know.

I cannot stress enough that this meme is entirely literal. there's no reference or subtext you don't know. these are simply the objectively most popular works of art from each denomination.

“word hashtag my word #myword” has done irreversible damage to my vocabulary

Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

kinda bullshit the English language doesn't have a discrete word for an unlit campfire. you light a campfire, but what is it before you light it? also a campfire, I guess. I need to invent a word that can be intuitively understood as "the arrangement of wood that is intended to become a campfire"

well "an arrangement of wood that is intended to become a campfire" sounds like it's just a bundle of sticks and I think there is a collective word for that maybe

eddy burback video: I did the russian sleep experiment for a month