I love you 3000

This walrus is fucken lost.

But Wales has lost its collective shit about it. They're generally keeping its location secret to keep people away, but we get updates every day if it's still here, if it's happy, if it's healthy. We think it was in Ireland about two weeks ago, which is interesting, because it is not actually native to Ireland either. Why is it here? No one knows.

In attempting to climb aboard a dinghy in Tenby it capsized it.

It then proceeded to Tenby harbour where it tried to climb aboard a fishing boat.

Some facts about Wally:

She is named after Where’s Wally because she is hard to spot

She was previously in Ireland, and then secluded beaches in Pembrokeshire, but has really taken a shine to Tenby, which is a delightful village

She has a scar on one flipper but it’s long-healed and doesn’t seem to bother her

She is the southern-most walrus ever spotted in the wild!

The current theory as to how she got here is that she fell asleep on an ice floe that drifted south, but she’s not bothered about returning yet

She’s believed to be two years old

Her gender is still a bit of a mystery but we seem to be leaning female

The Western Telegraph has opted for male pronouns, and is being very firm that Wally is male, although other news outlets are still all over the place. But what has Wally been up to the past few days?

He is rapidly gaining weight, and is still giving no cause for concern to either of the organisations watching him (which are the RSPCA a bit and Welsh Marine Life Rescue a lot; this is funny though because a walrus is so far outside of the wheelhouse of either of those organisations like we’re all just guessing here, lads)

His delinquent ways have continued - he has now attempted to climb onto multiple buoys (all unsuccessfully) and at one point nearly got a mooring rope stuck around his neck. 

Has he learned from this?

FOLKS HE HAS NOT!

He is now a Fashion Icon. He has surfaced multiple times wearing accessories in his moustache. Mostly this has been shells, but three days ago he upped his fashion game by wearing this starfish:

What an Icon.

Friends, I took the shittest photo there has ever been of a Walrus. But I absolutely did get to see em.

A lifeboat wandered by to check em out at one point, and ey just... sank. Just dropped below the surface like Homer Simpson moving backwards into a hedge. After a while the boat left, and Wally surfaced again.

I can now confirm that ey really, really likes blowing water around like a whale, and also kept eyeing up that buoy next to em.

It's only a little one, but apparently we're getting Serious about this walrus, lads - the police are now stepping in to say that anyone interfering with Wally (examples of this interference to date: throwing things at him, taking boats and paddle boards out to him, throwing fish overboard to tempt him closer, etc) is committing a criminal offence and we must send evidence of Assholes to them. So that's fun!

Meanwhile, the tense stand-off between the RNLI and Wally continues over Who Gets To Use The Lifeboat Slipway. Here is a picture of Wally in full delinquent mode.

Here is the problem with 2,500 lbs of predatory sea potato using the slipway of a lifeboat station as a spa bed: sometimes, canoeists get in trouble near Stackpole and need rescuing and then some underwhelmed Welsh coast guard is going to have to try to chase said predatory sea potato off the slipway so they can launch the boat.

Here is the problem with that scenario: an underwhelmed Welsh coast guard basically views 2,500 lbs of predatory sea potato as a sort of ornery gelatinous cow, and so will try to do this with, and I am not making this up, a broom. But a ton of overgrown seal has no fear of brooms, so the attempt is not entirely successful under time-sensitive conditions while canoeists are actively drowning 10 miles away.

Solution? An air horn.

Which did work long enough to get the boat out, and then Wally clambered back aboard barely minutes later and fell asleep again. So trick learned, I guess.

Anyway, since I've apparently become Tumblr's primary Wally journalist, I thought I'd go for a cheeky visit again today so I could report on their condition FIRST HAND (you're all welcome, I have incredible integrity). Today I tried using a binocular over my phone camera with was extremely stressful and moderately successful - and I have two pieces of NEWS.

Story the First

Two dinghies with divers aboard suddenly turned up and sailed right up to them. There are Welsh Marine Life Rescue volunteers everywhere, and one woman immediately yelled "YOU ARE TOO CLOSE. MOVE AWAY."

Everyone on the cliff went silent. The boats went closer.

"YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW," yelled the beachmaster. "MOVE AWAY."

Tumblrs, they did not.

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?" she yelled. "MOVE AWAY."

At which point, the whole fucken cliff starts joining in, because Welsh people are Like That.

"Move away!"

"Leave 'im alone, mun!"

"Move away, butt, what you doing!"

"He's the size of an 'orse, bois, can't you see 'im from here?!"

"Bloody move you fucks, you'll scare 'im away again!"

(That last one was, I swear, an eighty year old woman.)

The boats, suddenly being yelled at by a whole cliff of Welsh people, sailed away. Later, we followed the beachmaster who was now on a mission, and found her with a couple of community police officers ripping the shit out of the divers. It was very satisfying.

Story the Second

I mentioned my binocular and phone trick. It came in handy. At first it gave me some very satisfying shots for a distance picture on a phone camera:

But, you know, whatever.

But THEN I got this picture:

which I got 0.256778 seconds before that majestic Arctic beast of purest beautiful nature untamed FELL OFF THE SIDE OF THE SLIPWAY LIKE A CAT THAT GOT TOO CLOSE TO A TABLE EDGE

Looks like 2021 is really out here trying to make up for 2020 with potential proof of a family of live thylacines caught in photos. According to the video, he’s awaiting basically one last expert to weigh in, but the others have apparently all agreed…. A mom, dad, and their baby.

[Video begins with words over the striped part of a thylacine pelt. The words read “Thylacine Awareness Group of Australia” on a red banner. It switches to the face of a bearded man with an accent talking as he walks across farmland. He is the sole speaker for the entire video (but I’m breaking up his speech to make it easier to read with eyes)]

Man: Good evening everybody. This is um… uh Me, coming to you live from northeast Tazzy, from some little town that grows a bit of hops for all the beer. So. The last 10 days I’ve probably been acting a bit weird to everybody in the group and online and uh that’s because uhm. Y’know I was checking the SD cards, I found some photos that were pretty damn good.

I know what they are. And so do a few independent witnesses, expert uh canine judges, feline judges, and a vet so far have seen it. I’ve left the… the images with Nick Mooney from uhm the museum. He’s an honorary to the museum in Hobart [???? teamek maybe?]. He’s having a look at them and uh…

I can tell you there’s 3 animals. We believe that uh- when I say we, I mean myself and the committee of TAGA - believe that the first image is the mum, we know the second image is the baby, because it’s so tiny, and third image is the dad. And there’s a little bit of a clue with the mom and the dad as to what they are, certain features of them, ah, but they are ambiguous. HOWEVER. The baby is not ambiguous. The baby has stripes, a stiff tail, the [’hawk/hock?], the coarse hair, it’s the right color, it’s a quadruped. Stocky. And it’s got the right shaped ears. So, looking at the baby, not only do we have a family walking through the bush, we have proof of breeding. So, it puts our thylacine in a much stronger position than it’s been in for the last 30 something years now. 35 I believe.

So, we wait and see. We get confirmation or rejection from Nick Mooney. Either way, um, the museum’s had the first chance to look at the photos. I’ve done the right thing and given the experts a chance to have a look and tell me what they think. Soon, we will know. Hopefully by the end of the week, but it may take a bit longer, and we’ll plan our strategy around that um and hopefully be able to work with the museum and go forward in having the animal reclassified as critically endangered. OR ENDANGERED. We don’t know. We don’t know how many are there, but we know there’s at least 3 wandering around northeast Tasmania with the intention of continuing to do so.

So. Congratulations everyone. [he holds up the beer can he’s been carrying} We’ve done it. Cheers.

[The initial image of thylacine stripes overlaid by the Thylacine Awareness Group of Australia appears]

 My art has never been worth shit, but watch me bullshit my way into art school! I am a horrid goblin, but watch me make these people like me! Am I qualified to do this task? Well I sure have the certificates that say that I am! And how did I get those? Who knows! Not me! I am so good at cheating, I don’t have to break a single rule to do it!

If a company made an action figure of your dog (or other pet), what two accessories would be included?

Pickle Man snack break!!!

I know some of you are like me and can forget to eat regularly.

Let Dried Pickle Man's horrible maw be a gentle reminder to go put somethin' in your tummy! You will probably feel less yucky!

DPM, lookin out for all of us.

This supposedly has to do with the fact that the original Celts were Iberian and their ancestors migrated across the strait of Gibraltar from Africa. The red-haired and pale look typically associated with Celtic identity likely comes from admixture from Germanic peoples. Remember that everyone’s ancestors came from Africa if you go far back enough.

Evidence of this phenotype can still be seen in some people today, particularly those from Wales and other western coastal regions. For example:

Welsh presenter Alex Jones

Welsh footballer Chris Coleman

Welsh actress Catherine Zeta-Jones who can notably pass for Hispanic.

English actor Ian McShane

It’s important to note that none of these people are immigrants or descended from immigrants. They all come from families native to the British Isles.

The take-home message here is A) don’t ever let anyone tell you British = pale and B) this

A few years ago (2009) they bred the first RFP dog, named Ruppy (ruby puppy):

So, many of us (possibly not all, because other vaccines in the pipeline) are going to be getting either the Pfizer or Moderna vaccine.

What vaccine you end up getting is likely to depend on your age, health, and where you live. Pfizer’s vaccine is harder to store and transport, so if you live in a big city you’re more likely to get that one.

For what I’m going to say, though, it doesn’t make a difference.

You’re going to be getting two shots, a few weeks apart. For Moderna, it’s 28 days (4 weeks). For Pfizer, it’s 21 days (3 weeks). Yes, this sucks. No, this is not ideal for mass vaccination. You’ll get a card that will remind you to come back for the second dose. The person administering the shot, most likely a pharmacist, will also ask for your cell phone number so they can text you. Because if you don’t come back that first shot is a waste of time.

We don’t know for sure if the single shot gives any protection at all, but the reasonable assumption is that it doesn’t.

This means you need to get your ass back in there for that second shot. And while you are waiting for that shot, you are not protected.

This means you should continue to wear a mask, etc. In fact, if possible, you should be even more careful, because if you get sick and can’t come in for that second shot? They’ll most likely have to start over. The trial included longer periods between the two, so you might be fine, but there is a risk here.

And once you have had that second shot?

It’s going to take two to four weeks to build antibodies, during which time you will have lower, but increasing, protection. They’ll tell you what it is…that data hasn’t been released yet, but will be.

So you should still continue to be careful for those weeks.

Finally!

We don’t know if these vaccines provide what is called sterilizing immunity, meaning you can’t be infected and can’t pass it on.

They may only provide functional immunity, meaning you get infected but don’t get sick. You could still transmit COVID-19 to others, although the risk is lower.

Which means?

Yeah, the masks have to stay on until the case numbers and other metrics are looking good.