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Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”
So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”
Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.
Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.
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The last play I watched before the pandemic was a Beauty And The Beast adaptation and when Gaston proposed to Belle there was this little boy in the audience who yelled NOOO DON’T SAY YES, so when Belle naturally turned him down Gaston turned to the boy with his hands on his hips and said “well, now look what you’ve done”
some people don’t deserve fanfics, much less for free.
also even if authors didn’t tag any specific warnings but they used the “creator chose not to use archive warnings” tag, then that is your warning.
“omg you should’ve —” no one forced your entitled ass to read anything. fanfic writers write for themselves and their own enjoyment. if you don’t like what you’re reading, quietly leave. ao3 is not an airport. no one cares about your departure so no need to announce it.
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Summary: Sharing a shower with the man you had secret feelings for really wasn't fun. Neither was said man trying to encourage you to date a woman you didn't even like.
Oh well, it wasn't as if Shane would discover the truth any time soon.
... Right?
Content: fluff and making out, love confessions, explicit language, no ZA, Rick ended up demisexual but not explicitly, these two are surprisingly wholesome here unlike canon
Word count: 3.8k
Author's note: I just wanted to write some fluff after so much smut. It's not stated but I imagine them in their early to mid 20s here. Here's the AO3 version too. Feel free to comment, but please be kind and respectful 💕
“Why are you like this?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just washing my hair.”
“With body wash.”
“Yeah, so? It says three-in-one.”
“I’m begging you, please wash your hair properly.”
Shane turned his face away from the warm spray to grin unrepentantly at Rick, brown eyes lit up. “Not all of us need a whole drugstore to take care of our hair, pretty boy.” He reached out and looped a finger around a wet curl on Rick’s forehead, tugging it and laughing when Rick swatted his hand away with a quiet curse.
“Asshole.”
Rick spun to face the other side of the shower, studiously hiding his reddened face as he busied himself with scrubbing off the day’s sweat and grime. Between the summer heat and a busy day at work in King’s County, he was desperate to be clean for the first time in what felt like days. Hence the shower. And Shane, he supposed.
They’d been showering together since they were kids, it didn’t mean anything. It hadn’t meant anything, not until the last year of high school when Rick’s traitorous heart had given a lurch at the sight of his best friend smiling and laughing in the backyard pool. As well as other parts of his anatomy he won’t mention.
It didn’t matter how many girls Rick had looked at after that, he hadn’t been able to shake his interest in the one person who’d captured his attention. The one person who called him ‘brother’ with a wide grin and slapped his shoulders in a very straight manner every chance he got. The one person Rick couldn’t help pining over like a sad dog.
“Are you even listening to me?”
Rick blinked back to awareness and turned around, trying not to look at the rivulets of water trailing over Shane’s broad shoulders and down his toned chest across his tattoo. He definitely wasn’t watching them down his abs or further below, both for his sanity and for the sake of Shane not noticing his decidedly non-platonic feelings.
“Sorry, what was that?”
Shane snorted and smirked at him. “Damn, you’re really gone on her, ain’t ya?”
Rick frowned. “Gone on who?”
“Don’t give me that, you know I’m talking about Lori.”
The mention of their old classmate immediately soured Rick’s mood. She’d recently moved back after a few years away and ran into them a few days ago, immediately flirting with Rick and hinting at a possible date despite Shane being the one she'd gone out with during their teens. He remembers feeling vaguely guilty back then for being happy that it hadn't gone further.
"I'm not gone on her, Shane. I'm not interested in her."
"Come on, Rick. She was all over you!" Shane said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.
Rick's stomach turned further and he turned to face the tiles once more and carried on cleaning. "So? It don't mean I wanted her to be. It's not like I ever liked her like that."
"Oh?" Shane asked pointedly. "I seem to remember you being a miserable prick when me and Lori went out back then."
"Of course I was," Rick muttered. "You ditched me at school without a ride, that's all."
All a load of bullshit; not that he'd be admitting to his messed up jealousy any time soon.
The other man made a disbelieving sound. "Right. Don't lie to me, Brother."
He wasn't sure which part of that sentence made Rick snap, but he spun around and got right in Shane's face, his heart racing and feeling misplaced anger course through him. Was it the way he clearly wasn't buying Rick's words? Calling him a liar? Dubbing him a brother for another godforsaken time? He wasn't sure, but something had touched a nerve.
"How dare you?! You know damn well I've never -"
Rick cut himself off, eyes widening as he realized he couldn't say those words to his best friend. He had lied, several times over by now. Every time his partner asked what was wrong, made little jokes about setting him up with random women to get Rick's input, his every response had been a lie without hesitation.
And unfortunately Shane could read that silent confession with no problem.
His partner stilled under the water, brows furrowing and brown eyes narrowing, a familiar bullheaded ire wreathing itself throughout Shane's entire being. A muscle twitched in his clenched jaw as he stared at Rick, a question on his face that Rick was desperately hoping wouldn't be asked. A futile hope if there was one.
"You wanna elaborate on that?"
"It's nothing," Rick mumbled, eyes dropping to the ground. "Just forget it."
"Forget it? That's all you've got to say?" Shane spat out. "You want me to forget you actin' like a pissy little shit all 'cause I brought up Lori."
"That wasn't what -"
"And then you just admitted to lying to me."
"I didn't admit to anything," Rick said weakly.
"Damn it, Rick! Why the fuck won't you look at me?"
He felt a warm hand on his jaw and he jumped a mile, jolting backwards and slipping on the wet floor. His shout was joined by Shane's as the other man rushed to grab him, firm arms wrapping around him and catching him before he could crack his head.
A strong arm was wrapped around his back, the heat seeping into him from the contact. Another palm was cradling Rick's head, a surprisingly gentle hold from someone as brash as Shane. If you didn't know him, that is. He'd always been somewhat soft with Rick from the moment they'd met.
Rick was blinking rapidly from the brief shock and flexed his fingers, letting out a shaky breath as he realized he was clutching Shane's shoulders as if the other man would float away if he let go for even a second. His heart was racing from the near miss, not to mention their proximity from the shower; his heart stood no chance.
Their faces were inches apart and Rick took note of the panic at war with relief on Shane's face, his chest heaving as if he'd run a marathon instead of catching his dumbass partner from tripping in the shower. Shane's fingers were digging into the muscles of his back, hand squeezing as his eyes tightened with emotion.
He'd imagined this scenario plenty of times - minus the clumsy slipping and nearly slamming his head on the wall, of course - and Rick could feel the faint stirrings of arousal as his body reacted to a familiar if imagined situation. He needed to get out of there.
"Sorry." Rick cleared his throat and looked to the side. "Didn't mean ta jump like that." He made to straighten up and move but Shane didn't let him go, held him even tighter if that was possible.
"You never jump like that when I touch you. What's going on, Rick?"
The words were quiet but clear in the shower, the water doing nothing to disguise the hint of bite in Shane's words. There was almost a note of hurt in his usually-warm voice, the tone subdued from the usual brazen sound that never failed to cheer Rick up.
What was he supposed to say? Admit his feelings? Tell the other man he'd been pining over him for the better part of a decade? Absolutely not. He didn't want to lose his best friend, lose the easy friendship they currently shared. Which he would if the truth reared its ugly head.
"It's nothing, really." He tried to stand on his own again. "I was just -"
"Bullshit!"
Shane grabbed his chin and jerked his head up to lock eyes, Rick's heart giving a traitorous thud. His eyes automatically dropped to the open pink lips and he swiped his tongue over his own bottom lip without thought. Without considering that Shane could see every action.
A sharp inhale caught his attention, clarity breaking through the aroused fog. Rick froze where he stood, a few seconds passing before he raised his eyes. Blue met brown, terror meeting revelation. There was no hiding it now; Rick could see understanding filter through Shane's mind in real time and his stomach sunk.
"Rick …"
He felt himself be backed into the warm tiled walls, the hand on Rick's back sliding across his skin until it curled around his upper arm. Shane held him against the wall and slowly shifted his other hand until he was cupping Rick's jaw, the sensation something so foreign despite it playing across his mind so often.
Rick flinched as a thumb brushed his cheek and he snapped his eyes shut, shoulders hunched up around his ears. There was no way this was what it seemed. This was Shane Walsh, skirt-chaser extraordinaire, a man who'd gone through a different girl every month since his first hit of hormones. Not once had he ever looked at another man in this way, not even with vague curiosity. Maybe a crude joke once or twice, but never anything to indicate true interest. This was a joke, nothing more. A cruel joke, perhaps, but something Rick would just have to deal with.
He had experience pretending where Shane was concerned.
"You know, you're not helping matters here, Rick."
He felt more than heard the shower shut off and Rick let out a shaky breath in the new silence. A forehead pressed against his and Rick twitched, the intimate gesture so commonplace yet so odd in this setting. They'd never been shy with their affections with each other, even if Rick had always determinedly painted his actions with a veneer of friendliness to cover his unwanted feelings.
This time felt entirely different though, new territory that Rick hadn't figured out how to navigate yet. He'd recognized that look in Shane's eyes, knew he'd solved the mystery to Rick's shitty behavior. So why was he still holding Rick so tightly, so gently? Why wasn't he laughing? Pushing him away?
Shane snorted quietly, the sound vibrating though Rick's head. "Have you ever thought that maybe you overthink things too much, Grimes?" His thumb reached and stroked under Rick's eye. "Open your eyes, Rick."
Fucking hell. Even when they'd had their spats over the years, he'd never been able to ignore Shane when he told Rick to do something. A fact the bastard knew full well and clearly had no problem taking advantage of.
He took a deep breath and, ignoring the sickly feeling in his stomach, slowly opened his eyes and looked at Shane's cheek. Rick noted the overgrown stubble, scrambling to find something to say so that Shane would let it drop and disregard the whole thing. It was nice enough that he hadn't mentioned Rick's obvious feelings, the best he could hope for was pretending that anything in this shower had never happened.
"Rick."
Blue eyes flicked up without his permission, Shane looking unexpectedly soft, his lips quirked somewhere between a smirk and a smile. He didn't look like he was about to be a complete ass to Rick and say something to destroy him, but that left a lot of wiggle room in where they went next.
"How long?"
No matter how much he wanted to play stupid, Rick knew there was no point in denying the inevitable. Shane obviously didn't want to feign ignorance and move on, so the most he could hope for was a quick and painful conversation before going back to pretending the only person he'd ever wanted wasn't going to look at him twice that way.
Rick supposed the only good thing was that Shane didn't look like he was getting ready to rip his heart out and laugh at the same time. The other man had always been oddly careful with Rick compared to others, even getting in a few fights when people decided Rick made a good victim.
He swallowed. "Does it matter?"
"Rick," Shane said with a warning tone.
"… Last year of high school," he admitted dully.
Shane's eyes widened briefly before fluttering closed, a heavy sigh escaping, his breath fluttering over Rick's face. The scent of toothpaste filled Rick's nose, relaxing him. It was ridiculous to feel so fond of something so simple and domestic, yet here he was.
"You're tellin' me you felt this way for over half a decade and never said anything?" Shane laughed softly, the sound startled rather than mocking. He opened his eyes and stared at Rick. "This why you got pissed at me mentioning Lori?"
Rick frowned at the thought of her. "I've never been interested in her."
"Or any woman now I think about it."
Shane's sly tone was more amused than anything but Rick silently conceded the point. He'd never looked at a woman and had that instant spark of attraction that others mentioned; he could appreciate when women were beautiful, could see it, but it was no different that acknowledging when a piece of art was beautiful. It just was, it didn't mean anything.
Granted, he'd never experienced that attraction with other men, either. Just the one in front of him, his best friend who his body and mind had decided to weirdly imprint on as a teen and not look back. His best friend who was the perfect embodiment of an all-American straight man on his way to building the perfect life without Rick.
"Jesus, Grimes. Have you considered not gettin' lost in your mind for a minute?"
"What?"
"I can literally see you beating yourself up in real time and gettin' depressed."
"I'm not getting depressed," Rick said with a scowl. "I'm just -"
"Overthinking. Thinking shit. Turnin' everything into a damn catastrophe as usual."
Rick flushed. "That's not -"
Shane cut him off, not with words but by his other hand moving from Rick's arm. The warm fingers traveled up to his shoulder, practically caressing the skin before making their way up further. Rick felt himself shiver and goosebumps rise behind the trail, Shane not pausing before his hand found its destination on the other side of Rick's jaw.
He could feel his heart racing, the muscle trying to beat itself out of his chest. This was … wrong. So right, his traitorous mind whispered. Why the hell was the other man getting even closer to him? He was cradling Rick's jaw in both hands, forehead resting against Rick's, completely ignoring the fact that they were both naked and dripping wet to stare into his eyes. It was almost as if -
"Did you know you start squinting a bit when you're confused?"
Before Rick could ask what Shane meant, he felt his head be tilted back, their noses gently brushing. Rick felt his breath catch. Shane's lips were right there, just a couple of inches from his. Shane's eyes bore into Rick's, his stare saying everything his mouth didn't as he slowly moved closer and closer, giving Rick more than enough time to move away.
He didn't, though whether that was because he was desperately hoping for a kiss or because he was frozen with disbelief was anyone's guess. There was no way Shane was actually going through with this insanity, was there?
Rick didn't get a chance to contemplate further as a pair of lips brushed over his, a hesitant touch of barely-there pressure which left Rick's lips tingling when Shane moved away. He wasn't sure what expression was on his face but the other man grinned at him in response and dipped his head again.
This kiss was firmer, a deliberate press, Shane's head tilting to get the right angle. Rick's eyes slid shut and he cautiously pushed into the other man. Shane's lips were soft, gently coaxing Rick to move with him. Rick let out a small noise, his voice catching as he felt his breathing turn unsteady.
It wasn't as if he was experienced or anything; he'd kissed a couple of girls as was expected from others, but that was it. At least Shane already knew that. Shane groaned lowly and parted his lips, slowly guiding Rick into the movements.
A hand slipped from his jaw to the back of his head, threading into Rick's wet curls and pulling ever so slightly. The sensation shocked him and Rick moaned, the sound growing when Shane slipped his tongue into Rick's mouth.
The wet tongue was a burning sear as it explored Rick's mouth, licking over Rick's and swallowing his moans. Rick wrapped his arms around broad shoulders and clung to the other man, breathing in the scent of Shane's cheap body wash from his dripping hair.
Quiet gasps and groans echoed off the walls, their voices sounding far more indecent compared to the mere kiss they were sharing. A mere kiss that had set Rick's blood on fire, his head filled with nothing but Shane. Shane's quiet growls into Rick's mouth, his scorching fingers through damp hair, the feeling of their slick skin against one another … It was everything to him.
The need to breathe had Rick breaking the kiss, wrenching his head back and staring at the ceiling as he frantically tried to fill his lungs. His chest was heaving and his pulse was racing a mile a minute but all Rick could think about was the man still wound around him, a hand softly stroking his back as small kisses were pressed to his neck. Small pecks over and over against him, not lingering or trying to leave marks, just the same gentle kiss up and down the column as if Shane was determined to touch every inch of skin with his lips.
"What was that?" he asked once he got some breath back, still staring at the ceiling in disbelief.
"That was something we'd have been doing for years if you'd said somethin'."
"Me? What about you?" He looked Shane in the eye. "Why did you just kiss me?"
Shane paused for a second before sighing heavily, straightening up and stepping back from Rick who mourned the loss of touch.
"I kissed ya because I wanted to, and I could tell you finally wanted it."
Rick felt his face burn. "Finally?"
"Rick," Shane snorted, "why d'you think I never worked out with anyone? It's 'cause you were always my priority, even back in school. That's why me 'n Lori never worked for one. I remember her telling me to go screw myself and take you out on a date instead 'cause I kept talking about you throughout the whole damn thing," he finished with a laugh.
"You … since school?"
Shane grinned at him. "Uh huh. Looks like we were both blind this time." He leaned forward to brush his nose against Rick's. "And before you ask, I ain't trying to just fool around for a bit to let off steam. I'm serious about this." Brown eyes met his head on. "About you. And us.
"You already know I love you, Rick. Why can't it be this way too?"
Rick feel tears prickle behind his eyes and blinked rapidly, a lump in his throat at those words. How else was he supposed to respond to something like that? Being handed what he'd wanted for years with seemingly no effort? Surely there had to be a catch?
"Fuck's sake, Rick. I just said to stop getting stuck in your head." Shane cupped the side of Rick's head and sighed, the echo of a smile ghosting about his lips. "This ain't a joke or nothing, Rick. You don't have to earn this, you know." He cocked his head to the side. "Is this something you want? You and me?"
"Shane …"
"Because I do. Want you, that is."
"I don't know -"
"Even though you have the worst bitch fits sometimes -"
"Excuse me?"
"- and you're a pigheaded son of a bitch when you want to be -"
"Hey! That's -"
"- not to mention how you always have to be so -"
Rick grabbed Shane and pulled him in to a deep kiss, thankfully shutting up his stupid insults. The kiss itself was an added bonus for sure. He slid his hands around the back of Shane's neck and held him close, tentatively licking into the other mouth. Shane groaned quietly and Rick felt a pulse of confidence go through him at the sound.
After a few minutes he pulled back and scowled at the other man. "Do you ever shut up?"
"Not if that's what it'll get me," Shane said with a wicked grin.
"You're an asshole."
"I love you, you know."
Rick's face erupted in a fiery blush, his heart thudding heavily in his chest. He saw Shane smirk and open his mouth, no doubt trying to annoy Rick even more. Or embarrass him beyond belief. Even if their relationship had seemingly taken a turn - and what a fucking turn it was - it seemed that his best friend had no qualms still being a pain in the ass.
He slapped a hand over Shane's mouth, cutting off the imminent nonsense. Absolutely fucking not.
"Shut up," Rick hissed, his face burning even brighter at the way his partner's eyes were crinkled in the corners from laughter.
Rick took a few deep breaths, feeling the heat seep out of his face somewhat. Hopefully he didn't look seconds from passing out anymore. He met Shane's gaze head on once more, swallowing once and finally verbalizing his feelings out loud for the first time ever.
"I love you."
The laughter bled out of Shane's face, a hint of red erupting underneath where Rick's fingers rested on his face. He slowly moved his hand and held Shane's face with both hands, leaning in for another kiss, this one entirely chaste. The passion from before might have been absent but the emotion wasn't, and Rick sank into the warmth with a soft sigh, humming when Shane held his jaw and drew him closer.
He broke the kiss and pressed their heads together, reveling in the familiar act now tinged with new emotions. Blue eyes focused on brown, holding the gaze again with intense focus.
"You're my best friend."
Shane grinned. Of course they were best friends, they'd always been and always would be, no matter what else they became. They wouldn't lose anything from their bond, they would only gain. Something new for them to explore while keeping their lives entwined as before.
Shane wrapped his strong arms around Rick and pulled him into a tight hug, resting his chin on Rick's shoulder and burying his face into the neck to press a light kiss on the damp skin. Rick closed his eyes and mirrored the position of his best friend, finally feeling the last of the tension drain out of his body.
He still wasn't sure how or why they'd ended up where they were, or where they would end up, but Rick had spent far too many years dreaming about this exact outcome to risk questioning it now. Instead he ignored the thoughts of before to focus on the here and now, sinking into the hug and savoring the sensation from his favorite person. His friend, his partner, his lover …
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