つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

dressing and acting like bruno mars for 8 days straight grinning and laughing dancing and twisting being all sexy and short until i pass out from dehydration/exhaustion with no prior signs of distress

im in the middle of going Girl you're amazinggg just thr way you arre and i completely ragdoll and hit my forehead full body weight on the edge of a granite coffee table

They Throw These at me Because I am so Beautiful and a Star.

woke deadbeat father: i'm just going to get some oat milk

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

damn your pussy fat and long and hard and outside

I habe some bad news

BOTH TOWERS?

In my new gacha game, you can now pull for scantily clad anime women who represent famous airplane crashes.

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

a meba 🦠 is almost like a really really small anermal but not quite