Aaron Burr, Bitch.

There's something hilarious about how so much subsequent media has positioned Vampires and Werewolves as, like, binary opposite entities, and then you read Dracula (1897) and realize that wolves are that guy's preferred solution to every problem. You'd say something to Dracula about "ah yes, werewolves, vampires' great eternal enemies," and he'd just be like "you mean my subcontractors?"

I'm really enjoying the growing consensus in the notes that there's an Eternal Rivalry Between Vampires and Werewolves now, entirely because the werewolves, sick of Dracula's bullshit, have unionized.

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

this is actually like my third or fourth rodeo so i sort of get it but sort of dont

in some ways worse than my first rodeo cause i feel like i should be better at it by now

One of my roommates is from China and neither of us speaks the other’s language but lately when she’s in a chatty mood she comes into our kitchen and shows me these douyin Matt Damon x Ben Affleck RPF videos and puts her theories about how Ben has been pining for Matt into google translate for me to read. fujoing out transcends language barriers

my blood looks more beautiful than yours it's a more luscious red

edward cullens not gon a fuck you babe

you've picked the right target you're just a decade late this would've ruined me at sixteen

"the world isn't kind" ok??? Much more importantly are you?????

"the world isnt kind" skill issue. I am

I WILL love and cherish you and that is inevitable

guess my age actually

197 (because you're a vampire)

2 days (you keep aging rapidly and making new clones of yourself to take up your life after you're gone)

*nervously sweats in has been making clones of myself for 197 years and this clone is on its second day* actually i think we don’t need to guess my age.

this is problematic of me (joke) but i really enjoy the splashing of french into english speech or writing. just adds a pizzazz

*adds a certain je ne sais quoi

see the problem is that despite around 8 years of french schooling the french language has utterly escaped my brain so even the most obvious set up i had created for myself by accident was missed by me. such is life.

*c'est la vie

god damn it

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

the fairy on my windshield as i go down i95 at 210km/h

you forgor!!!!!! HIS PENITS!!!

WAIT "iykyk" means "if you know you know"??????? i thought it was just the new cool kids way to keysmash

Oh hey! Haven’t seen this in forever! Didn’t reblog it when it came across me before, not gonna skip it this time, I need some good vibes.