emilia

i don’t want to punish you with silence.

i don’t want you to think

that i suddenly stopped caring.

because i haven’t.

i love you

with the same heart

i loved you yesterday.

but i need you to notice

what happens

when i stop carrying us

all by myself.

i need you to notice

that one morning

there might not be

a good morning waiting for you.

that one evening

there might not be

a goodnight.

that one day

i might stop asking

how your day was,

how your heart is,

what’s been on your mind.

not because i no longer want to know.

but because i have grown tired

of wondering

whether you would ask

if i didn’t ask first.

i don’t want you

to fear me.

i want you

to understand

that i can be lost too.

that i have limits.

that even the people

who love the deepest

can become exhausted.

all my life,

i have loved

as if leaving

was never an option.

and maybe that was my mistake.

because somewhere along the way,

i forgot

that i deserve to be chosen too.

i want you to realize

that one day

you could lose me.

not because i stopped loving you.

but because loving someone

should never mean

losing yourself.

my love for you

hasn’t become smaller.

if anything,

it frightens me

how much of it

still lives inside me.

but i can’t keep giving you

the certainty

that i’ll always be here,

while i’m quietly breaking

under the weight

of feeling unseen.

i want to be with you.

i want to be your peace,

your home,

the person you grow old beside.

but right now –

i’m the one

who needs space.

not because i want distance.

because i’m tired

of always reaching first.

and i need to know

that if i let go for a moment,

you’ll reach back.

because i don’t want to spend

the rest of my life

wondering

if i was the only one

and somehow,

i fell in love with you

at the exact moment

i had convinced myself

i would never fall in love again.

it’s only been four months.

people say that’s too soon.

but i don’t think love

has ever been measured in months.

i think love is measured

by the quiet decision

to wake up every day

and keep choosing the same person,

hoping,

with everything you have –

that they will become your last.

i know the world has a name

for loving too openly.

they call it love bombing,

they warn you not to care too much,

not to give too much,

not to say too much.

but i don’t want to love halfway.

i don’t know how to.

my soul was never made

for temporary things.

it was made

to love deeply,

seriously,

completely.

i’m not the perfect girl.

i never will be.

i carry fears

that were born long before you.

i’m afraid you’ll leave

when loving me becomes difficult.

i’m afraid i’ll wake up one day

and find myself alone again.

i’m afraid i’ll have to explain

why my heart feels so much,

or apologize

for the person i truly am.

i don’t want to spend my life

making myself smaller

to be easier to love.

i won’t be the girl

who disappears

when things become complicated.

i won’t leave

because you need space.

i won’t stop choosing you

because you make mistakes.

i want to stay.

even on the ordinary days.

even on the difficult ones.

all i ask

is that you want to stay too.

i am trying.

every single day,

i am trying.

i am learning how to trust,

how to stop expecting abandonment,

how to believe

that love doesn’t always end.

sometimes my fear

speaks louder than reality.

sometimes my past

answers before my heart can.

but i am working on it.

what i cannot change

is the way i love.

and i don’t want to.

because this is who i am.

we both came into this relationship

carrying old wounds.

we are both learning

how to love

through hands that once let go,

through words that once hurt,

through memories

neither of us chose.

i accept every part of you.

the beautiful ones.

the frightened ones.

the broken ones.

all i ask

is that you choose

to accept mine too.

please,

never make me feel

like i love too deeply.

like i care too much.

like i’m too emotional,

too loud,

too serious,

too difficult.

don’t make me believe

that i have to become

someone else

to deserve your love.

because i have spent

far too many years

trying to earn

what should have been given freely.

if this is going to last,

we both have to choose it.

not just when it’s easy.

especially when it isn’t.

i can’t be the only one

who notices the cracks.

the only one

trying to mend them.

the only one

believing

that love deserves effort.

because i do.

i believe

that loving someone

means growing beside them.

becoming softer.

becoming kinder.

becoming better –

not only for yourself,

but for the person

whose heart now rests

inside your hands.

i love you.

i really do.

and maybe healthy love

doesn’t always begin

like the movies promised.

maybe it begins

with difficult conversations.

with boundaries.

with choosing each other

again,

after every hard day.

because love

isn’t the absence of problems.

it’s finding someone

who makes you believe

they’re worth solving them with.

and if you’ll let me –

i want you

to be my last.

i want this love

to become the place

we both finally

was for you to feel

like you were doing everything wrong.

because the truth is,

you aren’t.

you have been loving me

while i’m still learning

what love is supposed to feel like.

you have been patient

with parts of me

that were shaped by fear,

by disappointment,

by old wounds that never healed properly.

sometimes i pull away

before anyone can leave.

sometimes i hear rejection

where there is only concern.

sometimes i build walls

around a heart

that only wants to be loved.

and none of that is your fault.

the truth is,

you are the person

teaching me that love

doesn’t have to hurt to be real.

that communication

isn’t a fight.

that closeness

doesn’t always end in abandonment.

i am still learning.

learning how to trust,

how to stay,

how to stop expecting goodbye

from everyone i love.

but please know this:

if i have ever made you feel

like you weren’t enough,

i am sorry.

because you are.

and through all my fears,

all my doubts,

all the things i am still trying to unlearn –

i love you.

more than my fear.

more than my past.

is that i still carry you everywhere.

in the songs i listen to,

in the jokes i make,

in the stories i tell.

you left years ago,

but somehow

that heartbreak isn’t reserved

the grief would be easier

if you had died.

instead,

you are alive somewhere,

and i have to live with the fact

that you chose a life

meant learning

how to be enough

without asking for more

and still

not the loud kind of sadness,

not the kind that breaks things –

but the quiet one

that lingers in everything.

in the way i love too deeply,

in the way i stay a little too long,

in the way i feel everything

just a little more than i should.

it’s a softness

that never learned how to protect itself.

a heaviness

i don’t always know how to name.

i think my soul was made this way –

to find beauty in ache,

and to carry it

with no destination marked,

just endless roads

and no place that feels like mine.

i keep searching for a future

that doesn’t blur at the edges,

for a version of myself

that finally makes sense.

but everything inside me

feels unfinished,

like a sentence

that was never meant to end this way.

and sometimes i look at my parents

and wonder

if i became a question

they don’t know how to answer.

i am trying,

i really am

but some days

is an art of patience

of tracing constellations

across your skin

we were meant to stay.

and maybe that is why

someone who is still alive

somewhere

you are the green of the forest after rain,

deep, dark, and endlessly alive,

the kind that hides quiet mysteries

between leaves and shadows.

i am the green of early spring,

soft and trembling,

the first fragile bloom

reaching toward light.

your eyes carry the color of places

i could get lost in forever.

a green so still

it feels like peace,

and so deep

it feels like longing.

sometimes i think love looks like this –

my restless heart

finding a home

in the calm of your gaze.

and when you look at me,

it feels as if the whole world

turns softer around us.

maybe that is what being loved is;

not losing yourself,

but blooming

and the city is slowly turning green again

flowers opening on quiet streets

sunlight staying a little longer on the walls

everything is beginning again

everything except us

spring keeps coming back

like it always does

slowly, quietly – like spring returning.

for your green eyes,

for the dark curls that fall into them,

for the soft way your smile appears

when you don’t even notice it.

something in me is changing.

a quicker heartbeat,

a warmth i didn’t expect,

the quiet beginning of something new.

so if this is the start of an adventure,

if this is where my heart begins to lean toward you –

please,

be gentle with my heart and my soul.

that the people i love would stay exactly as they are,

that laughter would echo the same way forever.

sometimes i still feel too young for the weight of everything.

too soft for the sharp edges of the world.

i’m not sure when we’re supposed to feel ready.

i’m not sure anyone ever truly is.

but days keep moving.

seasons keep changing.

and whether i’m afraid or not,

life keeps asking me to grow.

maybe growing up isn’t about being ready.

maybe it’s about learning

that change doesn’t always mean loss –