When my aunt was in her late 20s people used to rudely ask her “Why aren’t you married yet?” and she’d reply “Just lucky, I guess” which I think is one of the best things I have ever heard

walking into the pissing me off factory then being surprised when I get pissed off

youre supposed to not be like this by my age but whatever

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

The thing I dislike about alt histories where real life monarchs have been made both gay and unproblematic is that it seems to imply that gay monarchs have not existed in history but if they did they would be cool. Which isn’t true. They have existed and they were just as bad as straight people. And I think it is disrespectful to real queer history to pretend that queer people have never been absolute bastards

People are too focused on making McKay the “man” of the relationship because wdym she’s the sugar daddy??? Eileen Shamsi’s Amex card is getting a WORK OUT whenever they go out do NOTTT get it twisted

Oh you take medications to manage your symptoms? That pales in comparison to my strategy of only eating raw eggs, avoiding anything that could possibly cause a flare-up and taking 50 different supplements every day.

I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive

since there is such an "english speakers who don't even try to pronounce a foreign mame correctly" epidemic, native english speakers often try to overcorrect and end up thinking they have a moral imperative to pronounce every foreign name correctly at all times. so i'm gonna hold your hand and look into your eyss as i say this: you can't. you can't pronounce every sound in a language you don't speak. and that's fine. it happens to the rest of us too. we won't be mad so long as you try your best.

It actually was like a really good business idea but we had to close down the voodoo doll massage parlor after one of our clients left and we forgot that their doll was still activated (the light was off so it seemed off) and we threw it in the trash which made our client fly off of a cliff IRL really tanked our safety rating with the city planning community and the witches booreau. But other than that nothing but great reviews on Yelp

i have a genetic disease called excessive yearning