pulling yourself up by your strap-on or whatever they say

“You never pretended to be a bride when you were a little girl?” No???? Like literally never?

I made witch soups in my garden

im going to explode in the kiln

Honestly if you say or do something strange, an employee probably WILL tell all their coworkers about it all day, however they’ll basically never remember it was you specifically and instead just a faceless “customer” amalgamation of every time someone said something to them. Plus you’re giving them enrichment and something to mutually bond over. So really you’re doing an important service by being a little awkward.

Please always remember that you compete with customers who are violent, insulting, sexist, racist

Usually I hate when people online base their whole character around being dorky on purpose, but Da Vinky twins are the only exception to this rule. They're self aware and just genuinely funny, my favourite of them is this video when they're like "People often ask us if we're only acting like this on camera, so today we'll find out. For that we only need to turn off the camera" and then they turn the camera off and the video ends. This is the funniest shit and I adore this joke so much.

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

what doesn’t kill me leaves a pit in my stomach that never goes away