baddie but saddie

Mulder is truly the celibate slut representation we deserve. he doesn’t fuck, he watches 80+ hours of porn every week, awkward and bemused when woman actually flirt with him, drops sexual innuendos like his life depends on it, gets called a loser by absolute strangers, in love with his coworker, fled to find mothman when same coworker tried to seduce him, black turtlenecks™, doesn’t own a bed, woman find him hot until he starts talking, loses his shirt every few episodes, has a homoerotic Russian nemesis, feeds his fish instead of going on dates, draws big titty bigfoot, mopes when his girlfriend is out of town, once had sex on Sir Conan Doyle’s tombstone, meets up with a guy called Deep Throat but it’s not what you think, a ghost showed him her hole but it’s not what you think, undoubtably has ranked every cryptid by fuckability, that one vampire episode, basically the damsel in a bodice ripper, makes out with Scully’s forehead, visibly turned on whenever ufos are mentioned etc. etc.