Fangirling

it's called the whether because it depends

applying to be the elephant in the room but the interviewer won't even look at me

driving my chevy to the levee today

what the fuck

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

the grief is strong but i am stronger

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

I'm sorry but vaccines are so fucking cool. You're telling me that I just need to drop by my doctor, feel a pinprick, maaaybe feel a bit off for a day and then I have statistically significant, incredible chances of either completely avoiding getting a certain illness or at the very least have a pretty string guarantee my body will kick its ass swiftly??? Fucking magic potion.

too bad it’s not possible to do anything. but at least there’s music

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

I am familiar with all manner of wretched and foul creatures that crawl through the Earth secretly and scuttle about in the dark and fly on horrid wings and so on and so forth etc etc

I am also proficient with Microsoft Word.

It's part of a new character bit I make up as I drive alone by myself: dark wizard looking for a job.

I know the arcane secrets at the heart of this world. I have knowledge of spells for the wizard colleges would not teach you for out of foolish cowardice for their power. I have experience in retail.

Fool! You think I would divulge my greatest weakness to you some lowly hiring manager? I have no weakness! I have hidden my mortality inside a needle that I have hidden inside an egg inside a duck that I have hidden on an island that doesn't exist! I also have a tendency to take on too many projects at once.

Dont worry everyone. I'll freak out on all of our behalves

To everyone struggling with their mental health right now, I’m rooting for you.

it's truly insane how much more functional society would be and how much happier everyone would be if every job was perpetually 10% overstaffed (and people who weren't needed could chill and rotate in when needed while still getting paid) instead of 10-50% understaffed but that wouldn't be 'efficient' (in the short term, for shareholders) so fuck everyone I guess