🪏 Beneath The Surface 🪏

This blog is very very heavy and talks about MANY negative topics. It is my bad feelings vent blog. Please be cautious if you are sensitive. There are mentions of suicide, self harm, assault, etc etc.

Man, I GOTTA douse myself with gasoline and light it on fire.

I shouldn’t miss them, but I do. My heart hurts.

The soil yearns to envelop my skin.

Now I have to clean all this up :<

:)

Back here again, but not for long

It’s not even going to affect him, I was gonna keep the cat in my room. I don’t understand how someone can be so heartless.

My dad said no to the cat. I told him how important it was and made a speech, and what was his response??? Literally just “no”. That’s it. He told me we used to have cats and dogs and we didn’t take care of them (we were 8 YEARS OLD BTW, I AM 23 NOW). And I am not responsible enough. That is what he told me. I am heartbroken, I can take a no but for that bs reason??? When I know I’m responsible??? I’m so pissed.

I get extremely depressed and anxious when I look at how the economy is. If I didn’t have my dad, I would be living on the streets. I make $12 an hour at both of my jobs. Both part time. Because that’s all I can physically manage while doing all the chores at my house. There would be no way to live off that by myself. And I keep wanting to take more shifts, to work more and all this, but that would mean working and sleeping and that’s it, that’s my life. I would be fucking dead 24/7. People are literally debating whether or not $25 an hour is enough to live comfortably, so how the hell will I be able to live on $12? How fucked up is this country where nearly every job pays so low that no one can even fucking EXIST? It’s ridiculous, life is ridiculous. It’s so hard thinking about the future, I get so fucking anxious. Fuck life and fuck the economy and fuck money in general, what a fucking joke.

Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me

It started thundering, fml. Am hungry and in pain and just wanna sleeeeeep :<