screenshots dont do this justice
*inhuman clicking*
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@buggritmilleniumhandandshrimp
screenshots dont do this justice
*inhuman clicking*

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đťamazing, pt.1
Always need good news stories
Just some positivity, because we could all use some more of this in our lives.
Please let all of these be true and not made up.
I just researched all of these and they all happened except for number 9. The only other sources I found for that one were pinterest and reddit, and those arenât really sources at all.
And I get a little bit Genghis Kahnghis I donât want you to get it onghis Nobody else but me (ooooh) With nobody else but MeeeeMe
I get a little bit Danghis Dahn Donât want you to Genghis on with Nobody else but Mingus Nobody else but Mingus Kingus
Canât wait for Hozier to return and put his big bad bitch of the forest foot back down on ed sheerans windpipe
Elizabethan Peasant 1: Look yonder! Someone has writ upon that ceiling that thou art most easily gulled!
Elizabethan Peasant 2: More fool they, for I cannot read.
Elizabethan Peasant 1: *sighing, lowers his visage unto his palm*
Elizabethan Peasant 1: Lo, hast thou learned to read?
Elizabethan Peasant 2: Verily, and to compose as well.
Elizabethan Peasant 1: With haste, then, how is the word âi cupâ composed?
Elizabethan Peasant 1: what ho, I know a sporting jest! What art thou when thou art a peasant and art occupied in a privy?
Elizabethan Peasant 2: I wist not, but certain am I that thou shalt tell me speedily.
Elizabethan Peasant 1: Most verily, thou art a peon.
Elizabethan Child: Father, I have not yet broken fast and am filled with pangs of hunger.
Elizabethan Father: Hail, Filled With Pangs Of Hunger! Mine own name is Wybert.

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anyone on these interwebs wanna talk aboutâŚâŚâŚ clowns?
Hey d'you want to know why some clowns are scary?
i am definitely apprehensive but sure i would like to know
So I learned to be a clown briefly in grade 7. And hereâs the thing, clowning is taking the worst aspects of yourself and amplifying them to the point of hilarity (Itâs quite good for self-esteem, actually). But hereâs the thing, some people try to make their clown a happy clown when they themselves arenât a happy person, and that is, technically, lying. And our brains are REALLY REALLY GOOD at detecting lies, so warning bells go off. And therefore we get scared.
TL:DR, the only scary clowns are the ones who are lying.
âthe only scary clowns are the ones who are lyingâ is a mood and im not sure how but it really really is
oooohhhh
Ted Noten SuperBitch Bag, 2000 (Gun Casted in Acrylic, Snake-Skin Handle)
I know itâs the year it was made and not part of the title but i want it to be âSuperBitch Bag 2000â
weâre all getting âolderâ but age is a relative thing. iâve licked things that are 250 million years old. youâre not that old and youâre not worth licking.Â
Clare this is by far the most terrifying post you have ever made
Is this person an archaeologist and referring to the âlick testâ for fossils or does she go down on the old godsâŚ?
In this world itâs yeet or be yeeted
yeeten?

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this is a true allyÂ
One of my favorite scenes from Letterkenny
This show hurts my brain
Canât blame you, itâs like a shakespearian comedy about nothing, sped up, with the Middle English replaced by equally obfuscatory Albertan slang.
Excuse you that ainât Albertan thatâs the wrong coast. Itâs Ontario slang.
Mark the electrician has been here for five minutes and heâs already said âwell thatâsâŚweirdâ twice from the other room and frankly Iâm afraid to ask.
Itâs not good when skilled tradesman are standing in the middle of your room pinching the bridge if their nose, is it?
Mark just referred to the wiring in our bedroom as âcreativeâ and âinterestingâ.
This is fine.
And now heâs taking apart the ceiling. Iâm not worried, are any of you worried? Iâm not, haha, itâs not like this house was previously owned by someone who would do something stupid like try to wire their house themselvesâŚor store tins of varnish under the furnace behind a secret alcoveâŚ
Ha haâŚ
Ha.
Hm.
Fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEREâS NO NEUTRAL WIRES??!?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITâS GROUNDED INTO THE SCREWS HOLDING UP THE CEILING LIGHT???!?!!
Donât forget that you have rights today because of the courage of trans people fighting for gay equality.

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In honor of me approaching my first 6 months mark as a flight attendant, here are some highlights from my time in this job:
When a lady stopped me gently to whisper that i had âmastered the art of kindnessâ
When an elderly woman told me i was âput on earth to be a flight attendantâ
Each and every time someone complimented my nails
When i found an $8000 diamond watch left behind under a seat, gave it to a gate agent, only to have the passenger come running back 10 minutes later. Gate agent: man u wouldve been in trouble, huh? Man whom looked like a bond villain: i wouldve been SHOT.
Every lesbian ive worked with and had the nice bonding moment of âur gay?? Im gay!!â
That time a man tried to get huffy with me because he wasnt in 1st class and i got to say âsir u can either sit in this seat or u can sit in a seat in the terminal while u wait to take the next flightâ
When i had an emergency landing because the pilots lost steering and we all thought we were gonna die but then we didnât and everyone just applauded the landing and didnt even complain about the 2 hour delay
When my flight was delayed for 3 hours because the plane wouldnt start so the crew and i just took a really long nap in the jetway
Every 4 and 5 star hotel ive stayed at for free
When we overnighted in the middle of nowhere in alabama and went to a sports bar at midnight. The bartender locked the door so it was just him and us and his friend, and we all got super drunk on obscure alcohols and i kicked everyones ass at pool
That time i had an emergency landing because one pilot had such explosive diarrhea that the other 2 pilots had to wear oxygen masks
When we overnighted in a casino resort in new orleans and ended up drunk on margaritas and playing blackjack with a bunch of old people at 2pm
Every little kid on my flights
Every dog i got to pet on my flights
When we were flying to nyc during julliard recruitments and half the seats were taken up by cellos
Being in airports late at night and seeing people sleep in the weirdest places because they just dont care (bathroom floors, under gate agent desks, etc)
When a woman forgot her actual baby on the plane
Woman: can i board first? Gate agent: are u special needs, active military or priority? Woman: no i just want to board first. Gate agent: maam i have 70 other people who also want to board first, im not looking for a line leader.
My very first working flight, when a man pointed to my necklace and said âis that a ball gag?â And, in my shock, i said âno, im gayâ
That time a ramp agent came up to me holding up his phone and said âwanna see something weird?â and i said yes, reservedly, thinking it might be gross but then he held out his phone and it was just a picture of hundreds of paradise birds that we were apparently flying to a zoo
could you even imagine the first time males mansplained creation to women⌠âactually, we are NOT here because of an endless chain of mothers like you giving birth going back eons in time. uhhhhh no ⌠not at all. it really started when my bro this all powerful dude who lives in the sky made the first man and then a dumb woman who was TOTALLY inferior to him. yeah itâs surprising but legit. the wind told me when i was jerking off down by the river. i canât prove any of this but if you donât believe me iâll kill youâ
This post is cool because, according to my biology textbook, until very late in the development of science, men actually thought babies didnât even share their motherâs bloodline, only their fatherâs. I mean, how much do you have to twist your percepction to come up with this
What the fuck, itâs in the momâs tummy
They basically thought that the sperm contained a full human being and the womb was just the place where it grew.
Men have always overestimated their own importance.