Trans Listening Circle at Boston University

Hey guys. I’m glad to be finally posting my “mental breakdown survival guide”. As you know I struggle a lot with mental health, and so I have been through a lot of breakdowns. So many that I actually dropped out of university after 3 weeks in 2016 and had to take the whole year off. Because of this, I’ve made it my mission to help others with mental health issues as much as I can, so you don’t have to go through what I’ve been through.

Anyway, here is my guide. I tried to keep it general, and actually useful. If you have any questions or additions please feel free to add them.

Higher Learning: Navigating Sex and Relationships in College

QT Says: Considering HRT? What’s right for you?There’s a lot to consider when you’re thinking about starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT), especially if you’re nonbinary, questioning or just generally not 100%, “give me hormones now” about the whole process.

Here are some questions you may have and our best answers to them. If you think of more, let us know in our ask box! (We won’t be able to answer specific medical questions about your personal care but we can share thoughts, resources, and questions!)

1. What does testosterone/estrogen do to my body, anyway?  

Good question. Take a look for yourself!

2. Okay, that’s fine, but what if I don’t want all of that right away?

You get to decide what’s right for you! For some people, it can be a bit overwhelming to think about ALL of the changes – some of them may seem exciting, others not so much. One of the things you get to do (need to do!) as a person considering hormones is weigh the pros and cons of all of the changes and decide what feels like the right path for you. You can do that on your own, with a mental health counselor, with your care provider. Thinking it through and making an informed decision for you is incredibly important.

(Some of our patients benefit greatly from therapy and report positive experiences and that’s important. However, at PPSFL we do not require our patients go to therapy to prove their true gender, or to get permission to change their bodies. One of the ways we approach our transgender services program at our health center is called an Informed Consent Model. That means you get to decide what is right for you and we support what you choose for you.)

Some of our patients are very happy on a smaller dose of hormones; others feel better on a higher maintenance dose. We have rules (called medical protocols) that give us guidelines but we work with our individual patients to make sure they are comfortable with their care and hormone plan.

We find that most of our patients are really good at figuring out how they ~feel~ on hormones, emotionally and psychologically, before some of the bigger changes occur. The key is to keep checking in with yourself. How do you feel? What’s going on for you? Does this feel exciting and like a “click” of cool, yes, THIS! Or are you feeling ambivalent like, huh, sure, I guess, maybe? If you’re feeling less enthused we recommend chatting with your care provider and deciding what’s right for you. You get to choose when to start, if you wish to continue, and help make decisions about your dosage. You get to choose. It’s your body! The time it takes for some changes to occur can be good news and/or bad news for some folk. The good news is you have some time to see how you feel. The bad news can be the waiting.

3. Okay, my dude, but what if I want to stop taking hormones. Can I do that? Will I explode?

Yes, you can stop taking HRT, and no, you will not explode. That said, like with most medication, just stopping taking it, cold turkey-style, is not a thing we recommend. 

Talk to your care provider about how you want to stop and you can come up with a plan together on how to lower your dose or take you off HRT. We look at your care as a partnership. We are experts in a lot of things when it comes to health but you are the expert on you and how you feel. 

4. Can I just take, like, a smaller dose of HRT, but permanently?

Yes. Most providers start their patients on a lower dose and then make adjustments based on the patient’s experience and medical protocols. Key thing here: what’s right for you? People take different doses of HRT for a multitude of reasons, and “I just want to see how I feel” is a totally valid reason to stay on a lower dose for a few weeks, a few months, and also forever. Neutrois has written extensively on this topic, from their POV.

5. If I stop taking HRT, which changes are permanent?

For trans men/ transmasculine folks, the irreversible (won’t change back to how they were before taking HRT) changes may include:

Deepening of the voice

Growth of facial and body hair

Changes in hair (possible hair loss, thinning, or male pattern baldness)

Growth/changes in genital erectile tissue (clitoris)

Breast tissue atrophy – possible shrinking and/or softening of tissue

For trans women/ transfeminine folks, the irreversible (won’t change back to how they were before taking HRT) changes may include:

If sperm production has ceased it may not return if hormone treatments are stopped; it may be irreversible (this can depend on length of time and dosage on HRT).

breast development/growth

Most sexual orientation positivity is directed towards MLM and WLW, which is great, but people tend to forget those who don’t fit under those umbrellas.

Just saying “non-binary people can be WLW or MLM too!” isn’t a solution because there needs to be more recognition of non-binary people who aren’t woman-aligned or male-aligned.

-fitting the stereotypes of your gender!

things that are not a-okay:

-expecting everyone to fit the stereotypes of a gender!

Lee says:

We get a lot of questions asking how to get short hair, so I’ve gathered some info that may help you in your quest to chop off your long hair and finally be free!

Take baby steps

First cut it to just below shoulder length, then after a month or two to chin length. 

After a month or two of that, say it’s inconvenient because you can’t tie it back with a hairband because it’s in-between long and short and you’ve been enjoying having less hair to deal with and get a feminine “pixie cut”. 

Then just progressively got it cut shorter and shorter each time you go for a haircut.

Reasons and excuses to convince your parents to let you get it cut

Short hair is easier to maintain and take care of 

If you’re disabled or mentally ill this is a real bonus to having short hair.

Other ‘girls’ you know have short hair (if you’re closeted).

If any of your friends who are girls (or who your parents think are girls) have short hair, point them out to your parents.

Celebrities who are women/girls have/had short hair.

Find pictures of the celebrities that have short hair in the style that you want and ask your parents to get that haircut. Such as:

P!nk

Katy Perry

Ellen Degeneres

Miley Cyrus 

And more! [via a simple Google search] 

It’s hot out in the summer/live in an area with a warm climate and short hair would keep you cool and or/ exercising makes your head/hair gross/sweaty.

You want to try the style for the summer and “grow it back if you don’t like it” (i.e. pretend the summer is a trial run and if you don’t like it you can start growing it back for school).

You want to swim/do sports and short hair would keep it out of your face 

If you are a serious swimmer, short hair will make you faster under a swim cap because you won’t have the bun and the weight.

It looks cute/pretty and is fashionable and you want to try a change of hairstyle.

You’re tired of dealing with having long hair as it always gets stuck to things.

You want to keep it out of your face/or stop it from touching your face 

If you have sensory issues, you could say it’s related to that.

It’ll make your showers quicker and you’ll use less hair product and it’ll save you time getting ready in the morning (and money— in the long run).

If you have OCD or trich, you could say you want it shorter so you won’t pull at your hair as often or you think it’d help reduce the urge to pull at your hair.

You have gum/glue in your hair.

Stick some gum or glue in your hair, a bit closer to the end than you want the length to be when it’s cut. Say that it was done by accident (maybe you fell asleep chewing it) and then hopefully you can get it cut or have an excuse to cut it yourself.

You could say you’re experimenting, or it’s just part of being a “Rebellious teenager”.

You think you’d look better with short hair/you think you’d be happier and more comfortable with short hair.

Short hair will help you pass better which can be important for your mental health and physical safety, and if you change your mind you can always let it grow out again.

It doesn’t matter what kind of face you have, anyone can rock short hair.

The majority of cis guys have short hair. So does that mean every single one has the same type of face? Nah! Some of them must have round faces too. Nobody says anything about having the right shape of face to them, they just get their hair cut short automatically. Sure, some haircuts may be more flattering than others, but short hair can look good on anybody.

Say you’ll pay for the haircut yourself, and you’re [X ] years old now and your body and your hair is your own responsibility, and nobody can make choices on what you want to do with your own body for you.

“I’m growing up and I think I should be able to decide how my hair is cut and styled. I think I can handle the responsibility of making my own decisions about my appearance.”

Say you want to donate your hair to an organization like Wigs for Kids or something, and they prefer longer lengths of hair to make longer hair wigs for the kids, and you’re willing to have your hair cut short for a good cause and you’ve been thinking of trying a new style anyway

Act now and ask for forgiveness later

You could cut your hair sort of short with a pair of scissors, like I did, just a few inches longer than you’d like it to end up. If you watch YouTube tutorials on how to cut hair, it might go better. 

Then go to the barber shop or hair salon if it didn’t turn out satisfactory (get a ride from a friend or walk) and say you usually have short hair but you didn’t get it cut for a while so you let a friend cut it on a dare and now it’s messed up so you need a trim to fix it. 

You can show the pic of what you want it to look like, and say it usually looks like that. You will need to have money to pay for your haircut, and be confident that your parents will not hurt you when they found out you’ve cut it short. 

But once you’ve cut it short, they can’t magically make it long again so if they won’t react dangerously, it’s worth a try if you can’t convince them.

Helpful links

Short Haircuts and the Barber Shop [here]

A website you can look at hairstyles on [here]

Look at people’s hairstyles on [trans selfie blogs] for ideas

Gender neutral hairstyles [here]

Anything with one side shaved like [this] is popular in the community 

Get the Perfect Haircut: How to Talk to Your Barber [here]

How to speak hairdresser [here]

Best haircut hairstyle tips [here]

but also….i feel like i’m lgbtqia+ because of who i am not because of who i love, or who i might love in the future. i want people to accept me for who i am, and because this is a part of me, not because of who i love.