I'm a writer and I'm trying to write my first book. One of my main chracters will be non binary and even tho I have made reserch on how to write enby characters, I feel like asking a nb person would also be great for learning.
So what I would like to know is pretty much if there's something that authors in general are misrepresenting about the community, some traits that nb people would love to see more in the media and other that you hate, because they are harmful or just plain and boring... that kind of stuff. I want to make a character for enby people to feel seen and represented, and I don't want to perpetrate any stereotypes.
Also, I'm a big fan of your blog, I really admire what you do!! thank you very much in advance :))
; hey !! Thanks for sending this in, props to you for actually asking questions to the people you're writing about, that's definitely the first step to writing a good and properly represented character.
; I think the most important thing is being non-binary is definitely a hugely personal thing, so don't just stop here ! Ask others, look around, maybe make posts asking for peoples experiences and their opinions too. ( any non-binary people reading this, feel free to add to this in the reblogs or comments ! ) But some main things that I, personally, think are important are:
They're ALWAYS androgynous
; and by androgynous I mean they have short hair, were AFAB and wear masculine clothing. Which, nothing wrong with doing / being so ! But it can be disheartening to only see non-binary people represented as such. So my biggest recommendation would be to really experiment with their identity, it doesn't necessarily have to be " complex " but ask yourself why one thing is complex, and why one thing is " normal " !! Non-binary people don't have a single normal look, and not all of us are even the most common idea of androgynous. Even then, everyone experiences androgyny a little if not a lot differently. Some enbies have beards, wear dresses, don't bind, don't " look non-binary " etc and still consider themselves androgynous !! We're people, we're different, don't be afraid to really branch out with your character.
they're known as The Nonbinary Character and only that
; just like any character you're creating, it's important not to get stuck on a single trait and make that their only noticeable trait. Especially with something like this, it's crucial to really give them personality and purpose to the story, don't make them simply The Enby. It's seen a lot with things like The Gay Bestfriend and all, their queer identity is their only defining trait and they end up, purposefully or not, simply being there for diversity points and truly being a terribly harmfully stereotypical and boring character. And even if it's not their only trait, it ends up being a really important part of them. Which is good and can be great representation .. But if them being nonbinary really doesn't effect the story or their character arc, there is no reason to force it into being that way. Their identity doesn't have to be a huge deal and certainly doesn't have to greatly negatively effect the story. ( See: people adding transphobia into fantasy worlds for seemingly no reason but just to have transphobia )
; obviously I don't know your story, but something I see a lot in honestly any book with nonbinary characters ( especially ones centered around said identity ) is it's always doom and gloom, there's never really much positivity around the persons identity. Which can be good for story building, but being non-binary doesn't have to be a purely negative experience. It really never commonly is ! It's in most cases freeing and positive and opens doors to many more great experiences. Whether you make it a huge deal or not, don't be shy on adding some positive things relating to their identity !! Make them happy and proud to be nonbinary !! If they come out in the story, make it good and really describe the joy that comes from it. Small things like being happy when people use their pronouns, feeling euphoric from getting a new clothing item, being obviously comfortable with certain people and showing it through things like jokes about their identity, etc.
stereotypical people are still people
; obviously it's important to push away from harmful stereotypes, or excluding ones, but !! They can be positive, or could be inside jokes among communities that'll really make the character that little more relatable. And as much as stereotypes are bad in cases when pushed from negative and tainted views by " outsiders ", there can be ones based in general ( grain of salt ) truth. Or are sometimes from the community. So the best way to go about it while not playing into stereotypes fully is to, in my opinion, mix stereotypes and experiences. Find experiences from people who have had similar(ish) things happen to them, to your characters plot and see how they go through life with their identity, include common and include " obscure " traits !!
; again as I said before, make them a complicated character with multiple traits and sides and history, etc. It'll make them 10 times more relatable than just picking one common stereotype and pasting it into your world. ( things like hand gestures, how we sit, our mannerisms in speaking, etc. Not necessarily harmful but still technically stereotypical. Personally I find them funny and relatable, others may not !! And that's okay !! You could even find character specific stereotypes, look for positively represented nonbinary characters who share things with your character and maybe consider incorporating those things ! )
; and that's just four relatively vague points, coming from just one single person who has not in fact written a book + does not speak for every enby ever, so I really do encourage you to get opinions from others and really remember we're all very different and unique people, so your character can be different and unique too. Good luck on making your character and your book !!