My husband, Cam, and I have been trying to make a baby for over one year now. I had a history of ovarian cysts so I was worried about fertility even before we started trying. I overthink things a lot and get stuck in my head, but I also love going to the doctor, so I figured why not go get checked out. My mom got pregnant with my sister and I very quickly. My sister got pregnant very quickly with all three of her kids. Other than the occasional cyst, there was no reason for me to worry.
In Fall of 2017 I went to my family doctor and asked if there were any preliminary tests I should do to see if I’ll have a high risk pregnancy or have trouble getting pregnant. We did a pap smear and progesterone test and that was it. I was told my progesterone was low but aside from that everything was totally normal and we should have no issue getting pregnant.
Cam and I were engaged at the time, but knew we wanted to start trying for kids pretty early on in our marriage. We started in February 2018 with the mindset of “if it happens, it happens.” We were both pretty uninformed at that point. I wasn’t really tracking ovulation or any other daily symptoms, we weren’t scheduling sex, it was literally just not using any kind of birth control method.
We got eloped in April, and my next period was due at the beginning of May. I missed it! I took a pregnancy test every day from the first day of my missed period for a week….all negative. I called my OB and scheduled a blood test, there’s no way my cycle is this long, it’s been almost 40 days, I’m for sure pregnant. I was so excited. I started planning how I was going to tell Cam, my family, his family, how I was going to hide it for the next 8 weeks, everything! The blood test came back...also negative. My OB told me I was not pregnant and that since my cycles usually lasted 32-37 days this was “normal.” Turns out I just didn’t ovulate that month, my cycle lasted 58 days. That crushed me. That was not normal.
While I was waiting for my next period I decided we should buckle down more. I did my research and we started trying every other day during ovulation. This new schedule threw Cam off a bit, he was under the impression that I was fertile every single day. I blame California sex ed, I had the actual sex talk with one of his friends a few months later. When Cam and I were both on the same page we both agreed we would officially start trying.
I scheduled another appointment in July after I’d had another full cycle. I wanted to know what to do next. Am I just not going to ovulate regularly anymore? Are my eggs bad now? I’m only 27, why is this happening? My OB gave me a list of tests and medicines we could do before referring me to a fertility specialist. Insurance doesn’t usually cover anything with fertility and if we did everything it would cost in the thousands.I had a thyroid test, hormone tests, an ultrasound, and HCG test where they insert a dye into the uterus and see if it there are any blockages (that one hurt effing bad) all between July and January. I started Clomid in November, a hormonal pill to induce egg production. We did two rounds, with no luck.
By this point I was frustrated and crying every time I got my period and it was taking a toll on our relationship. Every period felt like a loss. Between being sad a lot of the time, losing drive to help out around the house, and not talking about how I was feeling with Cam, we struggled. We had some long conversations, and what I was reading as him not caring, was him trying to be strong for both of us. We have gone to couples counseling previously so we were able to use tools from that to help us through this.
I asked to be referred to a fertility clinic. My OB prescribed me one more round of clomid and sent us on our way to our local fertility clinic. Even though I had specifically asked for one more round of clomid, I didn’t end up taking it. After such a long period of time of scheduling intercourse...it was taking a negative toll on our relationship. We took a one month break from trying before seeing the specialist.
Before we could go to our first appointment, Cam had to go get tested. He was bizarrely excited to go and bragged to his friends that he was going to the “spank bank.” LOL His results came back great and we were ready to get started on our fertility treatment plan. Our doctor is great, we were pretty positive about our chances of conceiving and laid out a plan for the next few months. He also explained why exactly we were having trouble...which I had never really received a clear answer from my OB so I didn’t know it was even figured out!
I have PCOS which is commonly misdiagnosed as Endometriosis. I have acne, struggle with weight gain, have irregular periods, and I don’t always release fully developed eggs or an egg at all (hence 58 day cycle). My cysts were being caused by underdeveloped eggs essentially burying themselves in my ovaries.
For the next 3 months I would take Femara (another fertility drug). The first month we would try on our own, the next two would be with intrauterine insemination, or IUI. The doctor seemed very confident that we would be able to conceive on the first try. We left feeling confident and with lots of fun paperwork outlining our instructions.
-Take Femara as prescribed on days 3-7 of your cycle
-Have intercourse on day 10 or 11
-Abstain until you see a surge on an ovulation test
-Take ovulation tests days 12-15
-Have intercourse every 36 hrs once you surge
- If you do not surge, call the office
Romantic, right?
We got to day 13 and I was getting nervous. What if we missed it? What if my surge doesn’t read? Did I do this round of Femara for nothing? Cam called the fertility clinic, they told us to go ahead and start trying every 36 hours, and continue testing. Day 16 came and I still hadn’t had a surge, I called in and they told me to come to the office that morning for an ultrasound. The tech said I had “a very good looking egg ready to release any day now.” Perfect! I went in for another progesterone test the following week and it was higher than it ever had been before! This is the month, it had to be, everything was looking good!
11 days later my period started. I was crushed again, but I didn’t cry much this time. I don’t know how to explain exactly how I felt. All I know is this meant we were done trying on our own. It was the end of the road for conceiving even a little bit naturally. We were one step closer to IVF, or surgery, or adoption. Don’t get me wrong, we’re open to all of those, and want to adopt in the future regardless. But not yet, I want this.