Trying to be the kindest version of myself.

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

come on dude come outside its the month of the grape harvest.

never shouldve smoked that shit, now i’m on the july 17th 1995 cover of newsweek

Happy 30th birthday bisexuality

reblog if you too are bi and confused or support others’ right to be bi and confused

forever grateful i was simply too lazy to let the makeup industrial complex get its hooks in me. I was just like im not doing all of that. in fact. im doing none of that

yeah I have political reasons for it now but my original and still most powerful reason is "I am not getting out of this bed one single second before I have to"

My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

you CANNOT read too much old timey fiction because I was playing Raft with the lads this morning and without a THOUGHT said we could sail over to another island "if the wind would consent to blow" & let me tell you. This did not pass by unremarked.

Man's about to turn you into the scene of a happy little accident.

werewolves is when you have sideburns and vampires is when you have a widows peak

my two brain cells

This is what executive dysfunction looks like

Inside you there are two hamsters…

tomorrow im developing my theory of tuesday

it's already tuesday

just as i theorized.

older gentleman just gave me a lecture on how when I decide it’s time to find a wife I need to buy myself a pair of loud colorful socks and sit around with my legs crossed to show my ankles and women will flock to me

Was this gentleman perhaps a bird that had been leg-banded

Just came home from a dinner party with the friendgroup at which several people kept saying "Ask Pedro" or "Pedro will know" and I was terrified that they were referring to an AI like Claude but no, thank fuck, they were referring to a cardboard cutout of Pedro Pascal that someone left upstairs and who has been designated a kind of patron saint status in the household.